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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell DP to get public transport and go home

395 replies

cakedup · 06/06/2020 07:57

DP is usually great but not so much when he has had a drink.

He kept telling me to fuck off when we were in bed last night so I slept on the sofa. Then this morning he came and started on me because I was on the sofa and he said it was weird the cats were sleeping on me. He kept going on and said it's over between us but I know he doesn't mean that. He kept mimicking me and then accused me of crocodile tears. I couldn't stand it any longer so I went out for a walk, luckily he was asleep when I got back.

It's going to be unbearable today. He will carry on being a dick until he sobers up and then he will apologise profusely. I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:28

Branleuse I've been with him for 2 years. He kept going on about my cats last night as well! Saying they make him feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Fishfingersandwichplease · 06/06/2020 08:29

I wouldn't dump him if this isn't too regular an occurrence and usually he is sound, but for now l would tell him to piss off until he can be nice. (Although at the back of my mind l would be wondering how much l need that sort of grief!)

MamaFirst · 06/06/2020 08:30

He sounds like a first class twat, and the weird aggression over the cat... Presumably he wasn't drunk then? Please show yourself some love and tell him you don't deserve to be treated like that, then make him leave.

Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:31

No he never acts this way in front of DS. Even if he is in the middle of having a go at me when drunk (which he does quietly so DS doesn't hear) if DS comes in to the room he shuts up immediately.

OP posts:
ConstanceSalinger · 06/06/2020 08:32

He's not a keeper I'm afraid. Don't waste your time with someone who can't respect you. You could have a partner in life who respects and treats you nicely and also respects your choice to have a cat.

CelestialSpanking · 06/06/2020 08:32

Get him out of your house. How he gets home from there- tube, taxi, whatever is his problem. I’ve been in an abusive relationship myself, I know how hard it is to let go because “he isn’t always a horrible cunt”. But the times when they’re not horrible to you soon become few and far between. You deserve better. If he won’t go, call the police.

Orchidflower1 · 06/06/2020 08:34

So let me get this right.

You’re more worried about an abusive m, manipulative, alcoholic bully getting ill than the mental illness and anguish he is causing you and most probably your ds.

Sorry sweetheart but you deserve much, much better. This man isn’t even good enough to clean your cat’s litter tray ( and I doubt he would if you asked anyway).

Please tell him to go and not come back. Use the fact that you shouldn’t be mixing households if he won’t go. Call the police. He’s cruel and nasty to you and your animals. Have courage, you can do this. 🌺

Marmalady75 · 06/06/2020 08:34

I know you don’t want to hear it, but look st the reaction on this thread. Everyone is telling you to remove this man from your life. For your own sanity you need to see that. The more you put up with, the worse it will get. How far does he need to go to show you that he is not a nice guy?

Treacle200 · 06/06/2020 08:34

Speaking from experience, this abuse is only going to get worse. End it now whilst you still have the strength. He is disgusting.

Nothing weird with your cats, he is trying to make you question yourself so he can control you.

ConstanceSalinger · 06/06/2020 08:34

Ah, so he's got enough self restraint to not abuse you in front of anyone either drunk or sober.

Orchidflower1 · 06/06/2020 08:34

How old is your ds?

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2020 08:35

Keep the cats. Ditch the abusive wanker.

OP you can do this. Reclaim your life and happiness.

Would you treat someone like shit, criticise and upset them regularly, but then think “I’m nice most of the time so it’s fine...” ??? And continue to turn on your partner in the most vicious way when the mood took you, happily endorsing yourself as ‘considerate really’??

It doesn’t work does it? And it doesn’t work with him. He’s NOT a nice guy. Get him out.

Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:35

@LittleOgres

Why can’t you talk to anyone about this OP? If I rang a family meme we of friend about this they would be rightly concerned and tell me to dump him! You would tell a friend the same. The reason you can’t tell anyone is because you don’t want to hear what they say, perhaps?
He is connected to my family, they have all known him for over 30 years.

He is an extremely private person. He has stuff going on his life and I've promised not to tell anyone. It's hard to filter some of the info out as it's all relevant so easier just not to talk about it. I think I'm also embarrassed as well.

OP posts:
TeaStory · 06/06/2020 08:36

He’s an abuser. He abuses you in your own home and his turning it off and on is a choice.

He is gearing up to telling you to get rid of your cats.

I wonder what will be next?

This will not get better because he doesn’t want it to. This is who he is.

Treacle200 · 06/06/2020 08:36

Oh, and don't be surprised if your DS doesn't know. He will be able to sense it from the body language and the fact all goes quiet when he walks in.

FreeKitties · 06/06/2020 08:37

You can tie yourself up in knots to justify staying with him as much as you like OP but the bottom line is his behaviour is abusive, and ‘loving, caring considerate’ men are loving, caring and considerate all the time, if you don’t want to deal with it the nasty dickhead he is when he is drunk then get rid of him.

You are worth more than this.

amillionnamechangeslater000 · 06/06/2020 08:37

This will not get better. Remember that.

amusedtodeath1 · 06/06/2020 08:38

Sounds like a rough night, I can fully appreciate your wanting to be alone.

The way I see it you have three choices, be mad, let him apologize and keep doing it over and over, kick him out and only agree to see him outside of the house while he works on his issues, or kick him out and be done.

No one can make that decision for you, but you deserve much, much better than the way he is treating you.

Flowers
Fluffycloudland77 · 06/06/2020 08:38

He sounds defective and they don’t change.

He jealous of your cats, wtf is that about?.

sunflowersandtulips50 · 06/06/2020 08:38

Sorry you need to ask him to go home. Mask and bugger off. You shouldn't be sleeping on the sofa in your own place due to him abusing you. I am concerned that you say he probably won't leave- why not?

Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:39

@Orchidflower1

How old is your ds?
He is 15
OP posts:
Branleuse · 06/06/2020 08:39

Op I think this will get worse. He sounds quite mad. Id be worried about the safety of your cats quite honestly as well as you.

CelestialSpanking · 06/06/2020 08:40

I don’t know if I missed how old your son is but whatever his age there’s a very high chance he’s picked up on the abuse. I was adamant that my children hadn’t been exposed to any of their dad’s abuse or simply wouldn’t remember it. I was wrong on both counts. But also worth noting during that time they’d adapted to it so it became their version of a normal family. If I had stayed they’d have grown up thinking their dad’s behaviour was normal and acceptable.

Please, I can not reiterate this enough, get this man out of your life and your son’s.

Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:40

He has been living here since lockdown btw

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/06/2020 08:41

You have been breaking lockdown to get abused by this loser ?

You can do a shitload better than that. And if you think your son does not notice what is going on, you are wrong.

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