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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell DP to get public transport and go home

395 replies

cakedup · 06/06/2020 07:57

DP is usually great but not so much when he has had a drink.

He kept telling me to fuck off when we were in bed last night so I slept on the sofa. Then this morning he came and started on me because I was on the sofa and he said it was weird the cats were sleeping on me. He kept going on and said it's over between us but I know he doesn't mean that. He kept mimicking me and then accused me of crocodile tears. I couldn't stand it any longer so I went out for a walk, luckily he was asleep when I got back.

It's going to be unbearable today. He will carry on being a dick until he sobers up and then he will apologise profusely. I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

OP posts:
ThankyouwithacapitalR · 06/06/2020 08:14

Put him in taxi and don't let him back in, you don't have to put up with this

Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:15

He will always apologise profusely for his behaviour, always ashamed when he sobers up and often can't remember what he has said/done

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:16

I know people use the tube every day but people are still getting the virus every day. I wouldn't use the tube at the moment.

OP posts:
Milkshake54 · 06/06/2020 08:16

@cakedup it’s clear you are struggling with the thought of the relationship ending, but it is also absolutely not OK for him to be treating you like this. Alcohol or not, it’s not an excuse.
I think if the relationship is something you want to work on, you need to ask him to seek some help around his alcohol use, or make sure that when he does drink it’s not around you.
We don’t have insight into how he treats you without alcohol in him, so we can’t comment on that... but you do need to really think long and hard about what you deserve and not make excuses for him...
I hope you get this resolved Daffodil

NeedToKnow101 · 06/06/2020 08:17

He'll only get worse OP. Let this prick go. The fact that you think he'll refuse to leave shows that he should leave. You shouldn't feel scared in your own home. You can call the police if he refuses to go. Or wait till he goes and end the relationship. Do you really want to be walking on eggshells in your relationship?

TwentyViginti · 06/06/2020 08:17

@cakedup

He never used to react to alcohol like this, only in the last 6 months or so.
Why have you put up with this for 6 months? He's abusive to you in your own home! YOU ended up sleeping on the sofa in your own home!

Please get rid of this abuser. He is in NO WAY a partner to you. He has an alcohol problem which is his to sort out, but I doubt he will.

Ponoka7 · 06/06/2020 08:17

Why have you come on here? You're inventing excuses as to why he can't go home and you don't want to end it.

You've chosen to live like this, don't waste people's time by wanting to just have a moan.

Your relationship is toxic and je has no respect for you and you have none for yourself. So again, what did you hope to get out of this thread?

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 06/06/2020 08:18

I agree with previous posters. But let me ask you a question: if you read this about someone else, or it was your friend/sister, what would your advice be?
Good luck OP, no-one deserves to be treated like that.

kaleidoscopeantebellum · 06/06/2020 08:18

Tell him to get a taxi then.

Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:18

He said that when the other day when we were sitting on the sofa watching TV and I was stroking his leg, I then with my other hand stroked the cat, he said that was really weird. He kept saying "You don't think that's fucked up?"

It's not is it??

OP posts:
NorthernBirdAtHeart · 06/06/2020 08:19

Oh, and I’ve been taking the tube regularly for work. Face mask and gloves, he’ll be fine.

Lucywilde · 06/06/2020 08:19

Drunk or not that’s awful behaviour. Get him gone.

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 06/06/2020 08:20

No, that’s not weird. He is.

YinuCeatleAyru · 06/06/2020 08:20

no he has a "mask" he wears where he pretends to be thoughtful, loving, caring, considerate.

when he is drunk the mask slips off and you see the real man.

he is not a good man. get him out of your house. he can walk or take a taxi if he doesn't want to go on the tube but that really isn't your problem. you are not responsible for the wellbeing of this arsehole. and stop referring to him as your "partner" when he is clearly no such thing. he clearly has no concept of being in any kind of partnership with you.

Branleuse · 06/06/2020 08:20

How long have you been with this guy and what is his bloody problem with your cat?

ArriettyJones · 06/06/2020 08:21

@cakedup

He is not normally like this. I keep telling him I don't want him to drink and he promises me he going to be fine etc but then always turns
That’s a major problem, not the minor one you’re presenting it as.

Could he walk or cycle home? Is it less than ten miles?

STAYTHEFUCKHOME · 06/06/2020 08:22

HE IS ABUSING YOU, IN YOUR OWN HOME.

When he sobers up. Kick him out. How he gets home isn’t your issue. Grasp control of the situation. Put yourself first and just think of everything that isn’t right here.

Bluewater1 · 06/06/2020 08:23

This man sounds horrible. Maybe at times he is kind and thoughtful but at times is not enough. He was awful to you last night and you absolutely deserve better. If it were me I'd wake him up, tell him it is over and tell him to go. There are nice people out there, people who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated OP.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/06/2020 08:24

He needs to go.

People that act like this when drunk should become teetotal. It's the only apology he could make that would actually mean anything.

Original poster
cakedup · 06/06/2020 08:24

Ponoka7 I think I just needed some strength to help me decide. I can't talk to anyone about this, maybe I did just come here to seek solace. It wasn't to just have moan, I'm hurting really badly

OP posts:
LittleOgres · 06/06/2020 08:24

What Ponoka7 said above.
What do you want to get from this thread OP? He isn’t going to stop drinking, and this is what he is like when he drinks. Accept it or dump him.
It’ll be fun when the kids arrive!

ArriettyJones · 06/06/2020 08:26

It’s totally fair enough to talk it through here to get your head straight.

Do you believe everyone telling you that his behaviour is over the line?

LittleOgres · 06/06/2020 08:26

Why can’t you talk to anyone about this OP? If I rang a family meme we of friend about this they would be rightly concerned and tell me to dump him! You would tell a friend the same.
The reason you can’t tell anyone is because you don’t want to hear what they say, perhaps?

Ponoka7 · 06/06/2020 08:26

Is your DS around when any of this happens?

It sounds like he's turned and he does enough in between abusive episodes to keep you invested. Your in a cycle of abuse.

Is this the relationship you want to model to your DS? .

NameC101 · 06/06/2020 08:27

He sounds horrible and abusive. Chuck him out, and start taking better care of yourself! He clearly has drinking and anger management problems, which he needs to sort out himself - his problem!

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