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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell DP to get public transport and go home

395 replies

cakedup · 06/06/2020 07:57

DP is usually great but not so much when he has had a drink.

He kept telling me to fuck off when we were in bed last night so I slept on the sofa. Then this morning he came and started on me because I was on the sofa and he said it was weird the cats were sleeping on me. He kept going on and said it's over between us but I know he doesn't mean that. He kept mimicking me and then accused me of crocodile tears. I couldn't stand it any longer so I went out for a walk, luckily he was asleep when I got back.

It's going to be unbearable today. He will carry on being a dick until he sobers up and then he will apologise profusely. I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

OP posts:
Sissyjd · 07/06/2020 21:57

Op LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING!! Please please please get rid of this awful abusive man, stay away and move on with your life. Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 07/06/2020 22:07

is OP coming back ?

BengalGal · 07/06/2020 22:14

Cakedup we are worried!!! Please let us know you are ok. Your boyfriend is not someone you need in your life but we need to know he hasn’t hurt you. If you are back to pretending his nice moments somehow can cancel out unacceptable abuse just let us know please.

Devilinatwinset · 07/06/2020 22:21

@cakedup

He is not normally like this. I keep telling him I don't want him to drink and he promises me he going to be fine etc but then always turns
No doubt someone has already said this but you can't ask him not to drink. It will never ever work. I lived with an abusive alcoholic for many years. He will not stop, especially not because you just ask him to. Get out while you can.
dillydallydollydaydream7 · 07/06/2020 22:25

OP, are you OK?

He is bad news - hope you, DS and your cats are OK

Devilinatwinset · 07/06/2020 22:27

@cakedup

It's increasing the risk if he gets on the tube though? If he got ill after that I would blame myself.

I'm not sure he'll go anyway

Do you think he would blame himself if something happened to you that was out of his control? The fact that you're worried more about his welfare than your own, despite his awful behaviour, is a huge red flag. What else will you start blaming yourself for? That's how it goes in abusive relationships.
Motherofasleepaphobe · 07/06/2020 22:37

Throw that prick out and don’t let him back in

Misunderstoodcheese · 07/06/2020 22:39

I hope you have listened to the good adviser here. You have given him too many chances and it's not helped the only thing that can happen is for it to continue and to get worse. I hope you are safe

Giraffey1 · 07/06/2020 22:45

No he never acts this way in front of DS. Even if he is in the middle of having a go at me when drunk (which he does quietly so DS doesn't hear) if DS comes in to the room he shuts up immediately.

You said the above,. This shows he is perfectly able to control himself, he just chooses not to when he is alone with you.

You are sleeping on your sofa I. Your house and leaving him in bed, and he is the one being vile?

He makes veiled unpleasant comments about your cats?

He picks arguments with you and makes out it’s your fault?

There’s other stuff you have said too which makes me think hi neither a nice nor kind person. You really do deserve better than this. It does matter if you’ve been together two months, two years or 22 years, it isn’t acceptable.

Get rid now, or you will find that he is still behaving like this or worse in another two year’s time!

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 07/06/2020 22:55

He has a drink problem and, if you let him continue in this way, you are enabling him to continue. This is not your issue. You deserve better.

Menopausalcraziness · 07/06/2020 23:02

Are you there op?
Having just read through this thread you have another who is advising you to get rid.

My exh did this for years with alcohol and when I’d finally had enough our son was 6.5yrs. Turns out he’d been surpressed as much as me as his confidence bloomed once he’d left. The weight that was lifted once he left was enormous, believe me.

He will not change sadly, he doesn’t respect you and as my mum says, “people only treat you the way you let them”.

Look after yourself and prioritise you’re son over him.

Menopausalcraziness · 07/06/2020 23:02

*your not you’re

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/06/2020 23:53

I hoped I would get to the end of this thread and find out that the OP was OK, and she’d tossed the abusive twat out on his ear.

Celestine70 · 08/06/2020 01:31

This isn't just alcohol. It's his true personality coming out. He is abusive when drunk. I would advise you to get rid asap. Have a look at the women's aid site and Freedom course.

Rache49 · 08/06/2020 01:40

Get rid , you don't need him in YOUR house. You are better off on your own with your Cats. He can do what he wants in his own house but not yours.

Devilinatwinset · 08/06/2020 02:02

@Rowan8

I’m wondering if this is a taunt Mumsnet piece. I simply can not believe anyone would put up with this from someone who doesn’t even live with a “partner”... this truly is another frightening level if it is and no wonder men carry on being abusive if these situations happen. Everyone out there who finds themselves in similar circumstances please ask someone for help.
You simply cannot believe anyone would put up with this and it's no wonder men carry on being abusive if these situations happen Are you serious? You have zero understanding of coercive manipulative behaviour AND it sounds like you are victim-blaming. Men continue to be abusive because their victims put up with it and let them?!
promrs · 08/06/2020 07:38

Please get rid of him. He's controlling and abusive. Don't ever believe a man who apologies profusely time and time again. He knows what he's doing. He's wearing you down and working up to physical abuse and there's no going back from that. Get out now, regain some self respect, be happy and take your time in finding a new partner who will love you as you are and not try to change you. You deserve much better. Stop making excuses for him.

NinkiNonkiNikau · 08/06/2020 07:51

So how did it go?

RedRoverLockedIn · 08/06/2020 08:34

@cakedup I keep coming back to the thread to see if you’ve updated. I’m worried about you, and I think others are too, can you let us know that you are OK?

Orchidflower1 · 08/06/2020 08:44

@cakedup please respond. Even if you’ve not asked him to leave - please just let us know you’re ok.

Jojofjo44 · 08/06/2020 09:16

Hes probably drinking more than you realise if hes still drunk the next morning and reacting more to it.

Malbecblooms · 08/06/2020 09:24

Why was he at your house when we are on lockdown?

Headinthecloudsfeetinthemud · 08/06/2020 09:44

Hi, can you see that his behaviour is really really wrong? What is it that’s stopping you from finishing with him? 💖

not2impressed · 08/06/2020 10:08

I'm really confused as to why him being close to your family is a reason not to tell them. Let everyone know he is abusive. May save someone else dealing with his shit! Hopefully you've managed to get him out of your home and you and ds are both safe

MdNdD · 08/06/2020 10:10

Actions speak louder than words. I learnt that the hard way.
He chose to get drunk and be abusive towards you. He can suffer the consequences. You are not his mum.
Send him home and don’t have him back.

His abuse towards you has taken away your belief that you have the right to be treated with respect. Gaslighting.

Don’t feel guilty. I wish I hadn’t, I regret it...

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