to tell DP to get public transport and go home

[cakedup]

DP is usually great but not so much when he has had a drink.

He kept telling me to fuck off when we were in bed last night so I slept on the sofa. Then this morning he came and started on me because I was on the sofa and he said it was weird the cats were sleeping on me. He kept going on and said it's over between us but I know he doesn't mean that. He kept mimicking me and then accused me of crocodile tears. I couldn't stand it any longer so I went out for a walk, luckily he was asleep when I got back.

It's going to be unbearable today. He will carry on being a dick until he sobers up and then he will apologise profusely. I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

I don't usually post here but I am seriously concerned about this post. OP this is controlling psychological abuse. I agree with a lot of advice already posted, the cats will go next, and there is every chance he will turn against your son whose feelings and safety you should be putting before the abuser. The poor boy seems to be simply a bystander here. Do you have a close friend you can confide in, and who can support you when you tell him to leave? It will get worse. I have a close friend who put up with this type of behaviour for 25 years. She finally got up the courage to leave and is having the best life now. She's now engaged to the most amazing, loving man who worships her. If you need further help please call Women's Aid. They will help and give advice. Please do it now. Don't put it off. Good luck. ❤️❤️

Please stop making excuses for him. He is manipulative and abusive. Its a classic pattern. He isn't always like this and hes sorry after is NOT an excuse for this behaviour to be ok. This is an abusive relationship and it will not get any better. I know you love him but its not healthy for you. Please do not continue with this. Time to say goodbye, because I can, with absolute certainty, guarantee that it can only get worse.

I haven’t read the full thread. My husband used to get drunk and sometime ruin nights out and I would be on edge all evening.
He would later reminisce about his tough upbringing and would feel suicidal. Next day he’d be rude and I would end up feeling on edge again and very upset.
A few years ago I gave him an ultimatum to either stop drinking or our (otherwise good) marriage was over. He gave up drinking, problem solved!
Some people can’t drink, it doesn’t suit them and if it effects their relationship, they need to stop.

@cakedup he sounds really nasty and is chipping away at your self esteem

I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

The above from the opening post stood out for me. Why on earth couldn't you ask him to take the tube to his house, or travel whichever way home?

Do come back and tell us how things are going, your absence is cause for concern.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship/

This sounds very much like you are in an abusive relationship. Tell him to leave now and go home on the tube and get some advise. Just because he’s abusive when he’s drunk it’s definitely doesn’t excuse it. X

cakedup, you posted on here for support but you're making excuses for him rather than taking note of the replies. Either you want this to end or you don't. It's your call. But if you don't deal with this soon you may become another domestic violence statistic. Yes, I'm being brutal here, and I'm sorry if that upsets you, but sympathy is the last thing you need. Woman up and tell him to leave the key and shut the door on the way out. Good luck.

This sounds like he's easing himself into a gratuitous habit. You will only correct it if you kick him out and not change your mind unless some time passes AND he changes.

He will not suddenly change without effort
This is who he is, it's easy to act for a while in a new relationship but not forever.
Get him a mask for the trip it it makes you feel less guilty.

Get rid!

cakedup Sat 06-Jun-20 08:02:21
It's increasing the risk if he gets on the tube though? If he got ill after that I would blame myself.

I'm not sure he'll go anyway
......
You wrote that on Saturday so we don't know what happened on Sunday morning. However he would go if you told him to go, surely, he could put a scarf over mouth and nose if he doesn't have a mask. He is far more dangerous to you that coronavirus is to him! Please come back with update.

Hope you are OK OP

Was just checking in for an update. Really hope you're ok @cakedup.

Still here for you no judgements on whatever the outcome whatsoever, maybe just let us know you're ok without going into any details of your prefer. I think a lot of people have been thinking of you x

Tell him to get on the tube and foxtrot Oscar home, then when he gets there foxtrot Oscar some more and not to darken your door again. He won't get better, it will only get worse so cut that lump out of your life now before you live to regret it.

Jesus OP, kick him out right now, and permanently. He can get an Uber if he doesn't want to get the tube.

Why on earth are you with a man who verbally abused you out of your OWN bed and on to the sofa? Have some respect for yourself sweetheart, because it's clear he doesn't have any.

@cakedup I'm guessing that you're giving him another chance and don't want to come back here to be told you're wrong. It would be nice to know you're okay though, so if you feel you can just post to say, "I'm fine", I know a lot of us would be glad to hear it.

Please let us know you're OK OP.
Send hugs and strength your way

I don't think**@cakedup** is coming back.
I just hope she is ok.

@cakedup How are you?

@cakedup....... What @Ravenesque said. Summoning the courage to leave is HUGE!! But looking back, a quarter of a century later, I really wish I'd been brave. You can do this, and your future self will thank you.

I'm guessing the OP has not returned because she has ignored advice and done nothing. Thus can't face the criticism.

I've lived this, eventually it turned physical, he always sobbed his heart out after. One day I walked and never looked back. I'd be dead now had I stayed.

Do you watch Corrie and know the Yasmeen and Geoff storylines? Watch and learn.