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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell DP to get public transport and go home

395 replies

cakedup · 06/06/2020 07:57

DP is usually great but not so much when he has had a drink.

He kept telling me to fuck off when we were in bed last night so I slept on the sofa. Then this morning he came and started on me because I was on the sofa and he said it was weird the cats were sleeping on me. He kept going on and said it's over between us but I know he doesn't mean that. He kept mimicking me and then accused me of crocodile tears. I couldn't stand it any longer so I went out for a walk, luckily he was asleep when I got back.

It's going to be unbearable today. He will carry on being a dick until he sobers up and then he will apologise profusely. I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

OP posts:
zscaler · 06/06/2020 12:33

Send him home now and then never see him again. He’s a horrible prick. People’s true colours come out when they’re drunk - he’s just better at pretending to be nice when he’s sober. Don’t waste any more time on such an arsehole.

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/06/2020 12:37

@scheffsm Mad old cat lady is my retirement plan. Dh is fully aware I wouldn’t remarry if I’m widowed but I’d get loads of cats. No disrespect to dh either, he’s wonderful but you can’t beat cats 🐱.

TorkTorkBam · 06/06/2020 12:49

Cocklodger I bet.

MotherofTerriers · 06/06/2020 12:53

Say whatever you have to to get him to leave easily. You want a bit of space to get over what he said. Once he's out, change the locks if he has a key and message him to say its over. This is abusive and will only get worse, and harder to remove him

caringcarer · 06/06/2020 12:54

You don't need this negative person in you life. Kick him out.

Hailtomyteeth · 06/06/2020 12:58

He is horrible to you. He deliberately makes you cry, and mocks you.

Get him to leave, today. Block him. Accept no excuses.

Holothane · 06/06/2020 13:01

Get rid thank god your not living together ,hugs,

TheExterminatingAngel · 06/06/2020 13:04

Oh OP.

You have your lovely son and your cats. You absolutely don't need a man who treats you so very badly in your own home.

What would you say to your son if in years to come he told you that his partner was treating him like this? Would you say he should put up with it? I can't believe you would.

Your partner needs to go. How he travels is his problem, not yours.

Jux · 06/06/2020 13:07

If he lives close enough to get the tube home, then he's close enough to walk, and that will sober him up. Fresh air and exercise.

Thehop · 06/06/2020 13:10

I hope you’re busy changing your sheets after this fucker has gone OP

ohtheholidays · 06/06/2020 13:23

If your scared of him and it sounds like you are and I'm not surprised I would ask him to go and pick something up from the supermarket/shops/post office whatever will get him out of the house and then pack as much of his stuff up as you can and place it outside of the house and lock all of the doors and windows and text him and tell him he has to leave.

Once you've done that contact some friends/family that can support you and if he comes back and starts to kick off call the POLICE!

The fact that he stops when your DS enters the room shows it's not the alcohol he is using it as an excuse to be abusive to you because he's an arsehole and enjoys what he's doing to you!

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 06/06/2020 14:00

Not your problem how he gets home. Kick the abusive cunt out.

lurker69 · 06/06/2020 14:30

generally nasty people don't show you they are nasty right away, who would pick someone who says 'yeah i like to hit women'. they get their feet under the table first, they manipulate you and then over time bit by bit their true colours start to show!
The mask is slipping when he drinks, what's to say your son isn't next on his list or the cats?
I don't believe he doesn't know what he has said or done, but lets just say he doesn't remember, you have told him and yet he thinks that little of you and your relationship he is happy to do it again! he knows what he is doing and i will bet its not the first time!

lurker69 · 06/06/2020 14:31

** i bet he has done this to other women before

isthismylifenow · 06/06/2020 14:36

Hi op

You nor your ds need to live like this.

He won't stop drinking. It won't get better. Take it from someone who has been in a similar place.

Laserbird16 · 06/06/2020 14:59

If I offered you a lovely cool drink and then told you it only contains like 3% shit, would you want to drink it?

He is abusive and the alcohol isn't the reason it is a choice he makes to drink and then abuse you.

Please value yourself and get him out of your life Flowers

JovialNickname · 06/06/2020 15:14

Just to remind anyone who doesn't know, you are absolutely allowed to flee abuse under the COVID guidelines and I'm sure this absolutely covers kicking out a horrible bastard as well. Besides which, why are you worrying about it and adopting it as your problem - it's his problem. Just chuck him out - where he goes from here is up to him and his responsibility. There's no COVID law or rule that supercedes your right to be safe and free of fear and nervousness in your own home, and you must never think there is x

Fuckityfucksake · 06/06/2020 16:53

"You don't think that's fucked up?"
HE is fucked up no one and nothing else, just him.
He is abusive OP and using alcohol as an excuse, abusive people often do this, you know this right?
The cats - be careful op, he is expressing his jealousy . He doesn't like it that you give them attention or they you.
How long until he aims that towards your ds? because it'll come.
Get rid, Personally I'd have fucked him off on the 1st possible tube this morning, pissed or not.

FourDecades · 06/06/2020 17:08

Good grief OP!! If your relationship is this shite now and he treats you with so little respect, your future is going to be hideous.

MinnieJackson · 06/06/2020 17:22

Are you ok @cakedup? Flowers

IncrediblySadToo · 06/06/2020 17:42

@cakedup. Let us know you're ok. Even if you haven't kicked him out!

TylluanBach · 06/06/2020 18:37

Hope you're okay @cakedup so much support here for you Flowers

Kidsrule43 · 06/06/2020 18:38

Hope you are ok op

MulticolourMophead · 06/06/2020 19:06

@BogRollBOGOF

His civil mask has fallen off less than 3 months after moving in. That is bad.

Resentment of animals is a bad sign. Especially when those animals came first.

Getting drunk knowing he gets abusive is doubly bad with a 15 year old in the house.

It's been less than 3 months. It's early days. Get rid of bad rubbish before he gets even more enmeshed in your life and harms you or DS any further, because harm is being done.

Would he have cared about you travelling on the tube without a mask last night?

Please, never let him darken your doorstep agaiin.

OP, your son knows. I'll guarantee that.

You need to get rid of this abusive man, then do the Freedom programme, or have counselling with someone who has experience of abusive relationships. You need to strengthen your boundaries.

I know it's probably overwhelming, the number of replies telling you to get rid. Most of us have come out of abusive relationships, so we have experience behind the words we write.

For your DS, and yourself, getting this abuser gone is the best thing you can do.

Blondieg · 06/06/2020 19:25

Please, if you are going to give it another go, we are still here to support you, dont feel embarrassed, it takes many people, many attempts.
Small step, ditch the alcohol in the house.
Wishing you lots of love x