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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Be furious with my sister

224 replies

Justus77 · 05/06/2020 10:28

Bit of background, weve never really got on, have felt bullied by her my whole life. Have gone NC over last few years as dealing with her was too much for my mental health.

In 2002 we inherited my aunts house. It was mortgage free and was rented to a lovely family who have been there since then. My sister has now decided that she wants to take the cash. She has offered to sell me her half but as im currently waiting to move into a new build and all the costs associated with that I am not in a position to do this. That was the only contact we had and it was just 4 short emails.

She has then taken the matter to court and the courts have now ordered the property be sold which whilst upsetting given that I cant afford to buy her out is entirely her perogative.The order also states that we both must have conduct of the sale. My sister has appointed an estate agent and has signed off on the terms of the sale.

My question is AIBU to feel really annoyed that she has taken it upon herself to do this with no discussion. The family who live there hadnt yet been informed that we were selling the property and I have no more information?

OP posts:
Atalune · 05/06/2020 11:42

Yes taking you to court doesn’t happen with 4 short emails.

You’re tell porkie pies I think x

Ponoka7 · 05/06/2020 11:54

You need to speak to her, via Email and put down what the next step is.

This is a business agreement and you need to keep it as such. You have a responsibility as a Landlord to inform your tenants what is happening.

Dod you inform your mortgage company of your interest in the other property, has any of that affected the mortgage offer?

Do you have LL buildings insurance, who handles that? Who sorts the splitting of the rent and who would sort out property repairs, gas/electric safety checks?

Being LL in common would mean communication. It might be better that it's sold. The tenant doesn't need you two disagreeing while they sit with no hot water, for example.

You need to get on board with the sale and ask the EA if there's a chance of it being sold as a BTL and if not, look up what you need to do in terms of the tenancy and any deposits etc.

She had the right to do what she did and it's pointless throwing money away on fighting it.

GabsAlot · 05/06/2020 11:55

you were wrong for stalling but now its done why do EA just accept whor ings them up to sell a house that their the sole owners-why dont they ask for deeds paperwork etc before putting it up for sale

find out which agent and ring them

burnoutbabe · 05/06/2020 11:59

you can go to court after 4 short emails. If you know the other person won't agree to sell, you have no option but to go to court to force a decision. You don't need to keep trying to resolve matters.

if you want to buy it/want tennants to buy it, offer that option to the estate agent. it doesn't matter who buys it as long as it happends soon. If you had attended court and said you were wanted to Buy to let it and could do that in say 6 months, the courts would probably have deferred any sale decision until that time. But this clearly didn't happen from what i can tell.

ShebaShimmyShake · 05/06/2020 12:05

There's so much missing from this story, but whatever happened was enough to convince the court.

MsScarlettOHara · 05/06/2020 12:15

This is obviously going to be another thread where the OP doesn't like what she is reading and wont be back Hmm

Original poster
Justus77 · 05/06/2020 12:23

Thanks for all your responses...
November:
The timeframe she told me she could do with the money and that we should consider selling the house (first email) morning of a weekend

I emailed back and said that it would ba shame and that if she was serious i would consider buying her out (second email) two days after her email

She responded, well we should just have a clean break and just sell it but let me know if you can buy me out, im thinking of investing in something else (same day response)

ok (same day)

Its going to be really tight for me to buy you out right now, the house would be worth in the region of x but if you wanted to sell a share to the value of x to me i could get a mortgage on a BLT basis? (8 days after last email)

That was it, her court application was dated 2 days after my email?

i emailed her once i received the court order details and asked her what she was doing? no response.

The hearing was done by phone and the judge just whittled through it and I felt objecting anything as it was really straight forward.

I expected to see the T and cs and had thought to include a different agent as well but it seems that we are tied into sole agency at a price that is far too low.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 05/06/2020 12:34

I’d dealing with her is too much for your mental health I don’t see why you would want to share a rental property with her and be forced to have a link with her. Surely much better to sell, divide the value and buy something smaller to let out that is all yours?

Original poster
Justus77 · 05/06/2020 12:35

This really is all that happen. I have spoken to the mum of the family who live there and explained to her that we will be selling and she said that her son might be able to raise a mortgage. So I have called the agents who now have 4 people lined up as potential buyers from a list they have and are wanting to arrange to take photos - my sister has told them to liaise directly with the tennants.

She was always incredibly bossy and controlling growing up and when I went NC with her it was because she mentally crippled me. Myabe my thoughts on this are being overshadowed by my past but it just seems she barges through like not really having any consideration for anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justus77 · 05/06/2020 12:41

Actually - reading some of the reponses - sod it. at least that will be that. (i hope that he does raise a mortgage, its a lovely house and they seem like a really nice family who have looked after it v well.
Thanks all

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 05/06/2020 12:41

I think this probably less to do with the current situation and more to do with bullying you suffered over the years and what you may consider as her doing it again.
I am afraid, that how ever she acts , you are the only one who can control how you feel and respond to it.
This may be a chance for you to reconnect, but with you as a more confident person not taking any more of her bullying.
On the other hand you may feel that you want to obstructive and slow down the sale (she obviously needs the money), although this may harm you as much is it does her - I would check to see if she has the authority to sign of on her own - or it needs both your signatures. If the latter is the case, maybe speak to the estate agent and tell them.
Either way the sale needs to go through and you may want to pick any battles you have wisely. You need to make sure your views are not discounted or you be feel irrelevant in the process.

Original poster
Justus77 · 05/06/2020 12:43

Oh and btw - in case anyone wanted to know the property was managed by a company. They dealt with all things for the property and in all that time I have only really had to get involved twice and that was just wear and tear replacememt

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 05/06/2020 12:44

Also I would get a few estimates on the house value.
Just to make sure the price she isn't trying to pull a fast one, and sell it on the cheap to someone she knows.

schoolsoutforcovid · 05/06/2020 13:01

Tbh, you took so long to respond to her emails she probably just felt it best to get the clean break she's after in the simplest way.

I can imagine the stress of waiting 8 days between emails not knowing which way you're going to go when she wants the money and a fresh start. I'd have gone to court too

Aridane · 05/06/2020 13:09

I think your sister here is NBU and the past, quite understandable, is colouring the present

Jenny70 · 05/06/2020 13:15

Does the agent know you have a half share, and presumably a say in the sale price/conditions?

Also make sure that when the sale goes through, the money ends up split correctly, not paid all to sister.

Wynston · 05/06/2020 13:17

It would have been nice to have had a few valuations on what is a large asset.
I feel sad that you are not in a position to proceed as you wish but cant help but think it may be a new start for you and be completely free of her. Good luck op

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 05/06/2020 13:36

She cannot sign with the estate agents without your signature also.

Definitely get further estimates. You have no idea of the terms of this agreement and therefore you will have no idea of the fees and could end up with all of the fees coming out of your half! It doesn't sound like that kind of stunt would be beyond your sister's capabilities, given how you describe her character.

Don't be a doormat OP Gin

Antipodeancousin · 05/06/2020 13:39

I would hate to have a substantial amount of money tied up in a house with someone I don’t get on with. What was the agreement when you inherited the house? Surely you would have both been quite young and would have benefited from being able to use your share to set you up in life.

montyliesandmontycries · 05/06/2020 13:48

Did you offer her less money than her share was worth?
Sounds as if it's easier and cleaner if you take your share and move on.

Thaddit · 05/06/2020 13:52

OP I feel for you. I sold a property that was jointly owned by my sister and I, I also had a lot of history and issues with her. It was a painful process having to consult with her every step of the way but four months later it was done. Get involved, contact the estate agent and any conveyancing solicitors appointed so your interests are safe.

I am very LC with my sister now and believe me I am so much happier without her like a millstone round my neck. You will be too I am sure.

Original poster
Justus77 · 05/06/2020 14:03

She cannot sign with the estate agents without your signature also.

Is this true?

We werent able to sell the house at the time due to other restrictiions as part of the estate and to be honest the money we got each was a welcome sum each quarter without any headache.

*schoolsoutforcovid - 8 days after the email i had contacted the banks, taken financial advise, discussed with partner and worked out a rough value of the property and emailed her straight back.

The market price she has agreed with the agent is 20k less than i had originally anticipated and I offered her 30% of the cash based on the value i was given

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 05/06/2020 14:05

Sell and cut your ties. My sis was well is a controlling bully. I am out of her life now and it feels so much better. My DB cut her off years before me and I wish I had done it sooner. She drained me and left me feeling ill. Sell property and move on. Life is too short ... good luck. 👍

Di11y · 05/06/2020 14:07

you can't be tied into that agent if she needed your permission to make a contract.

JingsMahBucket · 05/06/2020 14:08

@Justus77 it sounds like you're being steamrolled. I'd counter on the estate agent since you should have been a counter signatory.