Inheritance . Who's right.

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has 4 children. I have 2. He bought a house with a mortgage 5 years before I met him. When We married I became a joint mortgage holder with him on the property. Mainly because the house needed a lot of improvement and without my income he / we could not have afforded home improvements. I earn at least twice as much as DH. 5 years on from when I moved in we have had a joint account so everything we both earn has been put together and everything we have spent on the house has been paid from this one account.
My ex DH has remarried and I have no idea what kind of legacy he will leave our children.
My own DH's ex wife is a home owner too and no other children but she has also re married. Neither new partners have children.

But this evening my. DH has decided that my own children have " eroded" his children's inherence. I argued it's the other way around as now I am leaving "my half" to 6 children and not just 2 .
I know he spent 5 year paying the mortgage without me but since we married I have contributed 100 per cent of my salary to the joint account and therefore paid towards new kitchen, new bathroom, updated hallway etc .
He's lost sight that his own children will (or will not inherit) from their Mum. That's not in our control but what is the same is that both new partners of our Ex's do not have children.
He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his. I'm inclined to think it's the other way around if analysed . But up until today I was happy enough to go with the arrangement of a simple 6 way split of everything.
The only other variable in the scenario is my ex Husband is potentially better off than DH's ex wife but given we cannot control variables outside our own finances we should only be concentrating on what he and I can control.

If you are still reading, we are also arguing about the level of support I want to provide while mine go to Uni . Both mine are likely to go. None of his did and he cannot see why I should support them through. I don't want to start carving part of my salary off into another account but he doesn't understand I have financial responsibility to my children he never had.

Presumably you can leave your half of the house to your DC and he can leave his half to his? If he wants to ge really petty he can work put what value of the house he paid down over 5 years (capital, not interest) and add that to "his" half, and you can add whatever you paid for improvements to "your" half.

Your husband does not sound like a very nice man. He clearly doesn't appreciate what you have contributed to his lifestyle.

Well he’s a dick!

It's very mean spirited of him. If you weren't on the scene the house he bought wouldn't be worth what it is now.

The uni thing is strange too. Like he wants a claim and a say on your finances and how you spend them, with half an eye that his DC somehow (directly or indirectly) benefit.

I think I would look at what he put in/house was worth before you, how much has been paid off the mortgage, how much each of you has contributed to that, how much the house value had improved due to the improvements that you made, apportion it all according to how put what in and get it drawn up legally.
I wpuld also seperate your money and do what you want with yours, he can leave his to his kids and you can spend yours on you kids and leave yours to them.
If you did nothing and you die first he might change the will to exclude your kids.
If he's going to be selfish, then you be selfish and protect what's yours. He can stop benefiting from your wages whilst he's at it.

You've been divorced once. Why tie all your finances together and lose your financial independence? And how will your house be jointly inherited? Because, if you die first, he will just change his will and leave it all to his kids. Hopefully you drew up a better will than that, lifetime interest for surviving spouse for example.
Just separate out the finances again, start your own savings for the kids, be more independent.

Technically the university finance system assumes the parents will provide a certain amount. Martin Lewis was on this morning talking about it so he is being entirely unreasonable on that. If his children’s inheritance is being eroded then you should only put in the same as he earns, everything above that is yours and for your children alone. I actually don’t think you should do that but perhaps making the case if his mythical other partner only earned the same as him thats how it would be would help. Life shouldn’t be about what ifs if you are genuinely a family. Do you think though maybe one of his kids has said something that triggered this kind of thought in him ?

But if you split it 6 ways his children get 2/3 of the house and your 2 children get 1/3 of the house. So, your children lose out.

I would divorce him and left him divide "his half" as he sees fit.

You need to understand that this man will NEVER leave anything yo your children if you die before him. He's not honourable and has shown you this now. You will care for him if he is old and sick but he will not do the same for you.

I wasn't being flippant about divorce. Your children's legacies depend on it as does your own mental health.

Whatever you decide, get it nailed down legally.
If the house is owned jointly,as joint tenants, the survivor of you gets the whole of it, and can then make a new will leaving the whole of it to whoever they want ( their own children, new spouse etc.)
You can sever a joint tenancy, so that you both are entitled to specific shares,( eg 50/50, 40/60) which you can then leave to your own children.
Check the Land registry title to see whether it is registered as joint tenants or tenants in common, then go see a solicitor and get wills made.
Clearly if you decide to split your share of the house between 6 rather than 2, your children will get less. However, whether this is balanced by DH having paid for the house for the first 5 years is something you will need to work out the figures for.

My DP and I have just bought a house and we have totally joint finances. We are getting married as soon as they reopen marriages again. We have agreed that our new wills, currently being drafted, work as follows:
If one of us dies, the other gets everything until they die.
When we both have died, the whole estate is divided 50-50. His half is distributed equally between his 4 kids (three from before, one joint)
My half goes to our one joint child. His other children are also inheriting from their mother so it seems fair this way to us, and to her.

@PicsInRed Your children's legacies depend on it

I think that's a bit extreme, plenty of adults manage just fine in this world without an inheritance.

That aside, OP you should give some real consideration to whether you want to remain with a man that considers your children as thieves to his own children's theoretical future inheritance.

Is it a joint tenancy or are you tenants in common?

Are you both leaving your estate directly to the children or to each other?

This is what worries me. If I go first, DH remarries a woman with children, or has additional children with her, he leaves everything to his wife and all "my" money goes to her children potentially with mine receiving nothing.

Do you have protections is place so that he can't leave everything to his children and leave yours out altogether, should you go first? No idea how you do that without leaving it directly to the children.

That's a terrible will, Planchina that effectively disinherits the children of the person who dies first. I hope it was pointed out to you how often that goes wrong eg The survivor remarries and the old will is instantly void. The survivor changes their mind, changes will, that's it. Why didn't you decide to leave it in trust with a life interest?

I think you both need separate finances.

I’ve been married 20 years and we’ve never combined salaries or bank accounts.

We contribute equally.

He has more spending power however I’m happy with the money I earnt.

My previous property sale paid the deposit on the existing family home.

However we only have joint children.

I’d separate the finances and pay in jointly for joint expenses.

See how he feels about holidays etc when he has to fund 4 children

@PicsInRed is spot on. You may not have expected such an extreme response but from the outside looking in this is what we'd advise you do.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Maybe just start taking steps to really think about his behaviour and whether it really benefits you and your DC or whether you would be better off without, both mentally, emotionally and financially.

Or did you mean it goes in a trust? Sorry, on re-reading it sounds like it might be a trust not a mirror will?

PolPotNoodle, the legacy is the inheritance

Your husband (certainly not Dear H) is being very unreasonable. But that says a lot too about how much he values you, how much he's accepted your children and how he views the family as a whole. His views are awful, sorry.

Are you on the house deeds?
Are you joint owners or tenants in common?

Agreed that if you went first, he can just give his children the inheritance. Sadly, his attitude means you're going to argue quite a bit and it might sour things going forward.

Fuck that he sounds horrible. I would change the will, your half divided by 2 and his half divided by 4.

And make sure you are protected in case you die first because you cannot trust him to look after your two.

Separate accounts immediately and only contribute 50/50, not a cent more.

Then you are free to sort out savings for your own kids for uni and let him do the same.

I’d split up and make sure “my half” went to my kids.

What's wrong with him? Even I can understand the simple arithmetic on this one. You seem to be omitting the likelihood of one of you dying before the other. The survivor can and does sometimes appeal against deceased wife's will where she left more to children than to him (as in case of Nigel Havers and deceased second wife who left her house to sons but Havers got it). So give to kids while alive if possible.

One child gets 62.5% and the other three get 12.5% each.

Do all the children know your thinking so it doesn't come as a shock to them later on?

If you have both agreed this then I see no issue. You do need to consider that if either remarry any previous will is void. But your solicitor can word it to cover this eventuality.

Would be a marriage breaker for me op.
Shows what regard he has for your dc and their future..
Secure yours and theirs and Ltb.

Like so many others have pointed out you need to make moves to protect your children I do not trust your husband will.

First of all, leaving children aside you need to decide how much of the property you both own. Work out how much if the capital he paid off before you moved in vs how much the improvements cost/added to value and see if there is much difference.

If you can agree then propose you change ownership so that if you go before him your share goes to your children and his share goes to his.

You might want to leave it at that but, if he us still complaining about you providing an education for your children then you need to start splitting your finances. I think you said you earn more than him? So you could either match his salary to the joint account and save the rest towards your children's education or pay proportional to your earnings for bills and keep everything else and pay for personal spends from that.

I'm sure he will find him and his children are worse off.