Inheritance . Who's right.

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has 4 children. I have 2. He bought a house with a mortgage 5 years before I met him. When We married I became a joint mortgage holder with him on the property. Mainly because the house needed a lot of improvement and without my income he / we could not have afforded home improvements. I earn at least twice as much as DH. 5 years on from when I moved in we have had a joint account so everything we both earn has been put together and everything we have spent on the house has been paid from this one account.
My ex DH has remarried and I have no idea what kind of legacy he will leave our children.
My own DH's ex wife is a home owner too and no other children but she has also re married. Neither new partners have children.

But this evening my. DH has decided that my own children have " eroded" his children's inherence. I argued it's the other way around as now I am leaving "my half" to 6 children and not just 2 .
I know he spent 5 year paying the mortgage without me but since we married I have contributed 100 per cent of my salary to the joint account and therefore paid towards new kitchen, new bathroom, updated hallway etc .
He's lost sight that his own children will (or will not inherit) from their Mum. That's not in our control but what is the same is that both new partners of our Ex's do not have children.
He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his. I'm inclined to think it's the other way around if analysed . But up until today I was happy enough to go with the arrangement of a simple 6 way split of everything.
The only other variable in the scenario is my ex Husband is potentially better off than DH's ex wife but given we cannot control variables outside our own finances we should only be concentrating on what he and I can control.

If you are still reading, we are also arguing about the level of support I want to provide while mine go to Uni . Both mine are likely to go. None of his did and he cannot see why I should support them through. I don't want to start carving part of my salary off into another account but he doesn't understand I have financial responsibility to my children he never had.

What would happen if you were to die first op? Could you trust him not to write tour children out of everything (assuming you have mirror wills so apologies if that isn't the case)

Frankly, with his attitude this marriage is not going to last until death do you part. Sorry. This will just be the start of it.
There is no way he should be dictating to you about what financial support you can provide your children for uni.

I would suggest you get to a solicitor ASAP to get some advice on how to draw up a will which will ensure your children are provided for. It is irrelevant what Ex H may or may not will to the children. It could be nothing - perhaps he will leave everything to his new wife.
Do you know if you have to leave a portion of the estate to the husband in England? My parents both left everything to me if you see what I mean. My Mam insisted on this, saying that if she died first (which she did) and left everything to Dad, he might re-marry and then leave everything, or a large portion to a new wife and step-children. She wanted to ensure I received something.

If it was me, I'd just go to a solicitor, get advice and make a new will with the majority of the estate going to your 2 children. You cannot trust DH at all.

He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his. I'm inclined to think it's the other way around if analysed
His attitude stinks. I actually think you have been very very fair indeed, splitting your half 6 ways and not giving your children more than your step-children. What the hell does he want?
While at the solicitor's office discuss what a potential divorce might look like....

Hell would freeze over before I let a man dictate to me whether I could put my children through uni. The same goes for first cars, weddings, house deposits etc.

Yep.

You need to safeguard your children's inheritance now OP.

@MilkTrayLimeBarrel please make a very simple will of your own for now, leaving that money to whoever you want to have it. That will can always be altered should your partner finally come round to the idea of making wills together. But you absolutely need to protect your money now. @Rosieredapples story shows what can happen if you don't.

@MilkTrayLimeBarrel please go and see a solicitor for a short appoint and make a very simple will of your own. You’re being taken for a ride, and it’s not bloody fair.

He wants even. That’s fine. You can do even:

1. Sever the joint tenancy on the property. It is very simple. All you have to do is write to him (a proper letter) and let him know.

2. Change your will. That way your dcs get your half and his dcs get his half.

3. Start paying the same amount in the joint account as him. Save the rest for your dcs university fees etc. It sounds as if he was able to pay the mortgage alone. Therefore this should not be an issue.

I’m incensed on your behalf and can 100% guarantee that if you die first, he will disinherit you before you’re even cold.

Nasty man. I’ve heard too many stories like yours, where children have been cheated out of the money their parents intended for them.

Oops I mean disinherit your dcs.

If one of us dies, the other gets everything until they die

Unless they remarry/have further children

Your wishes are invalid when you die.

This doesn't sound at all good - your DH sounds as if he is spoiling for a fight for no good reason and he is entirely in the wrong. Remember that the majority of people are in their 60s when they inherit, although there are plenty of exceptions, of course.

Who’s right or wrong is irrelevant here, he has shown that he begrudges your dc benefitting from the family home and finances. This means should anything happen to you I would not trust him to include them in future plans.

As soon as allowed go and see a solicitor, if you’re in the SW I can recommend an excellent one, protect your DC’s future and I’ll echo what pp have said, adjust your contribution to 50/50 and save the rest for university for your kids.

You say you’re experiencing a series of firsts. Make sure you protect them, you’ve worked hard for it.

You need to split the house equally NOW and both will your half to your own DCs. Start paying equal amounts into the joint account and keep the rest separate, make sure any cash in your personal account is left to your own DCs. Or divorce him? If you don’t do this he will completely disinherit your DCs before your body is even cold.

I'm reading all replies.Thank you. X

What equity from your first marriage, sale of your house from 1st marriage, did you contribute to this second marriage?

@GreenTulips no that’s not the case. It all depends on the wording of the will.

My cousin's Mum died when she was young and for many years it was just her and her Dad then he re-married later In life and he was advised to make a new Will to ensure his beloved only child inherited his substantial estate. He didn't and told the rest of the family that his new wife knew his wishes and would ensure his DD would inherit his property etc. He died approx 2 years into the marriage and guess what?my DC got nothing. The widow sold all the furniture from the family home, offering nothing to my DC even though it was her family home. The widow then sold the house, kept all the proceeds and moved back to where she was originally from, in another part of the U.K. and has made it clear that if anything is left when she dies it will go to her 2 DC. Don't let that happen to your DC Op.

I'm probably old fashioned but when we got married, we shared everything. I sold my house (no mortgage to pay off, so a sizeable sum) and invested it all in my husbands much bigger house, paid off his mortgage and extended and we split everything 50/50. He has two grown up kids, we have two little ones and as far as I'm concerned there are 4 kids, 25% of everything in our wills. So if my husband goes first I will still split everything in my will four ways.

Having said that though, if he is showing dishonourable intentions, then absolutely provide for your own kids, perhaps with a trust?

I would divorce him and left him divide "his half" as he sees fit.

You need to understand that this man will NEVER leave anything yo your children if you die before him. He's not honourable and has shown you this now. You will care for him if he is old and sick but he will not do the same for you.

I wasn't being flippant about divorce. Your children's legacies depend on it as does your own mental health.

Absolutely this. 100%.

Unfortunately you see you, him and your kids as one family whereas he sees you as the same if his children benefit, but two separate families if his children don't. He doesn't even want equality, he wants "more" which is so unkind and unattractive, and indicative of his nature that I would be seriously reassessing the relationship.

You're obviously a grafter and a capable person. You've worked bloody hard for what you've got. You sound nice and kind too. Do you really want someone like him to be unilaterally dictating your childrens future? Do not trust him to do right by them. He's shown you he won't.

This would be a huge hurdle for me, one I'm not sure I could get past.

He doesn't even want equality, he wants "more" which is so unkind and unattractive, and indicative of his nature that I would be seriously reassessing the relationship.

Absolutely. He wants more than what is fair and says OP's kids are "stealing" from his. How?
There are 6 kids. He has 4. Op has 2. If OP dies she says the inheritance will be split equally between the 6 kids.

Basically he wants his 4 kids to end up with a quarter each of all the assets amassed during the marriage and OP's kids to go without. He's also complaining about OP planning to provide for them financially when they go to uni.

As I said before, I think all of this is going to end up being a moot point because the marriage will be dead long before either of them are.

OP @Mummyoflittledragon gives great advice whilst you think about what you want to do long term.

The pluck of the coward.

Happens all the bloody time. Why don't solicitors point this out and meet each person separately in these situations!! She knows my wishes!! Like fuck does anyone...

Dreadful that so many are disinherited by such a rookie human nature mistake.

If you want to leave something to anyone's, bloody well make it cast iron!

Don't rely on another human. I've heard that the widow does want to honour the wishes but have been pressured by their children to cut the step out!!

I obviously don't know the depth of your conversations, but this would be a marriage breaker/divorce issue for me. He's happy for his children to profit at the expense of yours. This is not a man I'd wish to be married to.

Why is he suddenly bringing it up? Is it possible he’s reassessing the relationship?

I would seriously reassess the relationship. In other words, I'd leave him.

He's greedy and selfish. When your children go off to university it'll lead to loads of problems and then if they get better jobs for going there it'll lead to more grumbles and resentment on his part.

Stick up for yourself and your own children.