Inheritance . Who's right.

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has 4 children. I have 2. He bought a house with a mortgage 5 years before I met him. When We married I became a joint mortgage holder with him on the property. Mainly because the house needed a lot of improvement and without my income he / we could not have afforded home improvements. I earn at least twice as much as DH. 5 years on from when I moved in we have had a joint account so everything we both earn has been put together and everything we have spent on the house has been paid from this one account.
My ex DH has remarried and I have no idea what kind of legacy he will leave our children.
My own DH's ex wife is a home owner too and no other children but she has also re married. Neither new partners have children.

But this evening my. DH has decided that my own children have " eroded" his children's inherence. I argued it's the other way around as now I am leaving "my half" to 6 children and not just 2 .
I know he spent 5 year paying the mortgage without me but since we married I have contributed 100 per cent of my salary to the joint account and therefore paid towards new kitchen, new bathroom, updated hallway etc .
He's lost sight that his own children will (or will not inherit) from their Mum. That's not in our control but what is the same is that both new partners of our Ex's do not have children.
He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his. I'm inclined to think it's the other way around if analysed . But up until today I was happy enough to go with the arrangement of a simple 6 way split of everything.
The only other variable in the scenario is my ex Husband is potentially better off than DH's ex wife but given we cannot control variables outside our own finances we should only be concentrating on what he and I can control.

If you are still reading, we are also arguing about the level of support I want to provide while mine go to Uni . Both mine are likely to go. None of his did and he cannot see why I should support them through. I don't want to start carving part of my salary off into another account but he doesn't understand I have financial responsibility to my children he never had.

I have a situation in a similar vein.
I have 2 DC and DP has 2 DC.
Our joint family home deposit was bought with a substantial (to me anyway) deposit from the sale of my previous home. DP signed his house over to ex wife in it's entirety and she agreed to leave his pension alone.
Previous home was owned initially by myself and my EXH although he signed it over to me in leiu if further CM after our divorce.
He now lives abroad with family and is unlikely to have anything to leave to my DC when he passes.
I feel that whilst I am happy to split the house proceeds between all 4 DC when the time comes, I would like to 'ring fence' the deposit amount I contributed to this family home to split between my own DC's.
Purely because I feel that it originated from their fathers contribution also to prevent house and DP's DC will likely inherit from their own mother so they not be hard done by, by any means

DP and I do contribute evenly to the mortgage, running of the house and associated costs and all family stuff etc but otherwise keep finances separate
Is this something I could do? Or does this seem mean?! I honestly don't want it to seem I'm being unkind, I'm just wanting my DC to have this option as this is all they are likely to receive from their parents.

Urgh your DH is awful. If my DH came out with that my love, attraction and respect for him would vanish.
You are being reasonable, and of course you should support your DC through uni should you want to.
What an arsehole he is

Can I also add, the question of what someone “may” inherit from another relative is mute. Firstly it has no bearing on what your children are entitled to from your contribution to the house and mortgage (ie his theory your children should get less because....) and secondly, I have a parent in care. Along with their superannuation/pension, I (PoA) have to supplement from the proceeds of the sale of the family home, an additional amount each month to cover the care cost.

There is roughly 8 years worth of funds including potential small interest left to cover the shortfall.

I won’t see a penny out of the sale of my parents only home, which is fine it’s their money to do as they wish, it please do not allow your husband to include this in his mathematics that your children may benefit from someone else.

But please ^

He doesn't see you as a team, he seems greedy and entitled. Is this really good enough for you?

Why have you put 100% of your salary in the join account ,rediculous
Put in the same amount he does,
Keep the rest
I’d be filing for divorce myself, because it would be the only way to keep my children’s inheritance safe.divorce him ,because if u die first he will not be fair to your dc

Sorry I have not read much of the thread so this may have already been covered. Is your mortgage a "tenant in common" one? If not you really should have it changed to that as soon as possible. If you died first, your husband could decide to leave all of his money to his children, whatever he may previously have promised you, or he could get remarried, then he dies, but his new wife gets to live in the house until she dies, which depending on his and her ages, could be 20, 30, 40+ years down the line. He will probably argue about this too, but please keep your children's inheritance safe.

Thanks for advice . Lots of common sense. We initially drew up legal but fairly simple wills on the basis of getting something sorted but to be revisited later.

Everything felt fair if I'm honest. His house, my bigger income. Nothing to argue about. In case anyone is wondering about his deposit. I paid an equivalent amount into our joint account quite early on in the relationship so yes, I squared that up too. The only thing I haven't done if we were to get picky about it is pay toward the mortgage for the five years but I have added an additional 20 thousand pounds to our joint finances on top of my salary so he can't really Moan about that.

It only came up last night. Almost out of the blue . I just wasn't expecting a comment like that from him. He treats my children really well, with genuine love and they love him too.

I'm going to have to sort out a better financial arrangement for uni and my Will that's for sure. Thanks for all the input.

There is a simple solution to your dilemma. Calculate exactly what he put in the house from the moment he bought it, calculate all your contributions, including refurbishment expenses. Adjust against the current value of the house. If your husband disagreed with your calculation you can easily get a property lawyer involved, it is a simple enough job, won't cost a fortune. Then change your ownership type to tenants in common where you both have a share rather than own jointly. Make a will and leave your share to your children.
From now on I would most certainly not put all the money into joint account. Calculate your joint monthly outgoings like mortgage, food, utility bills and add your half to the joint account. Keep the rest.
If you are worried about financial implications in case of divorce you can do a post up, the court will likely to take it into account.

I'd start by only paying in half the mortgage and bills into the joint account and leave the rest in your own personal account.

I'd also make sure any death in service payments or life insurance you have goes to your children 100% until this is all sorted out.

Paying an equivalent amount into your joint account makes no difference legally.

It’s the same as the unmarried couples where he owns the house and pays the bills / mortgage and she pays the equivalent amount on food/ car / holidays / childcare. When they split up, he gets the house and she gets nothing.

It might feel fair at the time as they are paying the same. But legally she has no rights.

And do you actually own the house - are you on the deeds or just on the mortgage ? It’s not the same thing. I fear you might be paying 2/3 of the mortgage and repairs / improvements on his house.

If you separate, he can say that you paid for these improvements in lieu of rent for living in his house.

When you say you drew up simple wills - is this something you did yourself without legal advice ?

You really need legal advice , this all seems to have been done on the back on an envelope based on what seems fair in your head, which may have no relevance whatsoever to the law.

If he’s the great man you say he is, he will be happy to sort out everything legally and fairly.

Wtf??? I just read your update, you don't just need to sort the uni & the will, you need to completely separate finances and only contribute 50:50 and not a penny more to this complete fucking user!!!! And see a solicitor.

Did you just deposit the equivalent of his deposit into the account? I mean, if you divorce will there be any record that that's what the money was for? Anything official.

What's the story with the kids and how often his/yours are with both of you? Do expenses for all kids come from the joint account?

OP from your latest update, it sounds like he's taking you to the cleaners. So you already squared up the house deposit, then added £20k to the joint finances to compensate for his 5 years of mortgage payments (I'm sure your 20k FAR exceeds what he paid off in equity in those 5 years). You've paid for renovations and improvements to the house.
He earns half what you do..
And he has twice as many children as you.
And he is now adamant that your children are "stealing" from his children?

He is laughing all the way to the bank. He is financially abusing you. And I would say emotionally abusing you. And he is treating your children like trash.
He is not a good person.

@PicsInRed

I would divorce him and left him divide "his half" as he sees fit.

You need to understand that this man will NEVER leave anything yo your children if you die before him. He's not honourable and has shown you this now. You will care for him if he is old and sick but he will not do the same for you.

I wasn't being flippant about divorce. Your children's legacies depend on it as does your own mental health.

I agree with this. He’s mean. He resents your kids, is happy for you to fund his lifestyle and ironically the legacy he will have to leave to his kids, but your kids aren’t entitled to your half.

Split or split your finances and set up a cast iron will

How has he been this morning, does he realise how off the mark he is?

Has he been able to explain why he thinks your children would be the ones "stealing".

You have evened up the house; you added in the money he had already paid to your joint account for family life and home renovations. You now pay your share of the mortgage and bills. The house is now even (or possibly its been more yours).
If you want to keep it simple, you get 50% each.

You earn more money than him. The savings from that money should be for your children, not his. He has his own salary which he can save to leave to his children.

How on earth has he figured that your kids are taking form him? If you keep your finances joint and split between all 6 kids, then your kids will get a lot less than they would have if you kept your finances separate. His kids are the ones "stealing" if that's the term he wants to use.

Is it possible that he still consider the house as his? That your contribution doesnt actually mean anything; he bought it first so if you're kids get a share then they are stealing? It sounds like that like that might be what he thinks. It's his house; you're just living in it in his head.

Some of these stories about second spouses taking everything have made me feel sick!

If he is talking like this now, OP, what do you think he'd be like if you died and he had to divide up any money?

If you die first....and dont leave direct to the children, he is the type to cut your kids out of the will.

That knowledge, alone, would be enough to end the marriage.

Take your half. Walk away and leave everything to your own kids.

He can leave what he walks away with to his kids.

I couldn't be with him.

I’m really shocked that some women havnt secured themselves and their children properly.

OP hoe do you feel this morning? I think I’d be feeling really twitchy right now.

We have talked . At first he didn't seem to want to say much other than an apology for the statement and leave it at that.
I've obviously not left it at that and explained why he is wrong. To be fair I did get through to him. His second apology was much more sincere.

I don't want to divorce him ( not today anyway ) . I was bit weary of solicitors post divorce so we did our wills through a will writing service but I'll look at it again with better advice.

Lots of good perspective . One thing I will say is that I don't feel financially abused. I don't see it any different as to when the man earns more and it all goes into joint finances. Well, not until today at least.

I hate this type of argument but really it shows that both of you are not just on different pages but in different books completely

Firstly forget whatever any of the ex partners do or don't have, you have no control over that whatsoever

The house and its apportioned valuation needs to be addresses immediately not only for your children's sake but also in case you separate to safeguard yourself , I would look at doing something along the lines that AJPTaylor yesterday 20:03 suggested as that sounds fair on both of you

I would then make it completely clear that you are going to help your children through university regardless of his opinion on the matter or what his children did or didn't do in furthering their education

After I had successfully completed the above I then would take a long hard look at the future of your relationship , it would be very hard for me to continue with such conflicting attitudes to such important details of my life

I hope all goes well for you and it gets resolved amicably

Sorry I didn't add what I would do as far as inheritance , I would have my will drawn up leaving my half directly to my children , and I would do this ASAP , with his current attitude I would not necessarily discuss this with him .

What I would do (honestly) is meticulously go through every £1 of contribution to the house since it was bought (including his deposit, stamp duty and mortgage prior to me). Then include my £20k contribution plus higher salary contributions to joint finances and see the lie of the land.

I would then say if we both died today this is what the financial picture is. One of you would then need to add money to the pot to ensure a 50:50 contribution.

Then you open a separate bank account. Use your joint one 50:50 for household expenditure and the remainder of your income is yours. Then when you/he dies the house can be split 50:50 between the 2 groups of children knowing each parent put 50% in.

If that doesn't suit him why not?

I’m glad you are thinking of getting legal advice. An online will serve is not suitable for complicated situations like yours, with children and step children. Also you don’t even seem to know what your assets are.

When you talked to your husband, did you find out if you actually own the house or are you just paying the mortgage on his house ?