Inheritance . Who's right.

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has 4 children. I have 2. He bought a house with a mortgage 5 years before I met him. When We married I became a joint mortgage holder with him on the property. Mainly because the house needed a lot of improvement and without my income he / we could not have afforded home improvements. I earn at least twice as much as DH. 5 years on from when I moved in we have had a joint account so everything we both earn has been put together and everything we have spent on the house has been paid from this one account.
My ex DH has remarried and I have no idea what kind of legacy he will leave our children.
My own DH's ex wife is a home owner too and no other children but she has also re married. Neither new partners have children.

But this evening my. DH has decided that my own children have " eroded" his children's inherence. I argued it's the other way around as now I am leaving "my half" to 6 children and not just 2 .
I know he spent 5 year paying the mortgage without me but since we married I have contributed 100 per cent of my salary to the joint account and therefore paid towards new kitchen, new bathroom, updated hallway etc .
He's lost sight that his own children will (or will not inherit) from their Mum. That's not in our control but what is the same is that both new partners of our Ex's do not have children.
He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his. I'm inclined to think it's the other way around if analysed . But up until today I was happy enough to go with the arrangement of a simple 6 way split of everything.
The only other variable in the scenario is my ex Husband is potentially better off than DH's ex wife but given we cannot control variables outside our own finances we should only be concentrating on what he and I can control.

If you are still reading, we are also arguing about the level of support I want to provide while mine go to Uni . Both mine are likely to go. None of his did and he cannot see why I should support them through. I don't want to start carving part of my salary off into another account but he doesn't understand I have financial responsibility to my children he never had.

That would be a marriage ender, for me.

Anyone that questioned me supporting my own kids through uni would be straight immediately.

Personally I think this should all be sorted out in your upcoming divorce before either of you die.

OP states "joint mortgage holder".

What about the deeds, are OP & DH shown as owners, & are they joint tenants or tenants in common?

Keep your money separately from his from now on. Open a new account tomorrow and pay your larger salary into it.

This man is sponging off you, and now resents your children inheriting anything?

Then see a lawyer or mediator about how to go forward regarding your wills and the house

Put as much as he puts into your joint account.

Everything else save, that will help with uni etc

He 'decided' your kids 'eroded' his kids' inheritance? And yy, the university issues loan amounts based on parental income and contributions. I'd ditch him before I left my kids to struggle on their own. Fuck that.

There would be no argument. I'd do what CalmDownJanet suggests. And state it, not up for discussion, as 'we cannot agree' or split.

Quote Plancina
“My DP and I have just bought a house and we have totally joint finances. We are getting married as soon as they reopen marriages again. We have agreed that our new wills, currently being drafted, work as follows:
If one of us dies, the other gets everything until they die.
When we both have died, the whole estate is divided 50-50. His half is distributed equally between his 4 kids (three from before, one joint)
My half goes to our one joint child. His other children are also inheriting from their mother so it seems fair this way to us, and to her.“

Once one of you dies there is nothing to stop the other changing their will to leave everything to their own children. There is no protection from that in this set up (except trust). If the bereaved partner remarries and leaves their estate to their new partner none of the children might see anything from it.

One way to begin to address concerns about providing for your children is to take a life insurance policy with clear instructions to the insurers (repeated In your will) that the insurance money is to go to your two children (in trust for them if they are young).

Your husband is looking only at what his kids are losing (some % of the house) rather than what they are gaining (the assets and lifestyle from a second - and higher - wage).

He has opened this can of worms and now it needs to be examined.
Some options I can think of:

1. He pays the mortgage on his own and reimburses you for your mortgage contributions and the home improvements. You buy an investment property. His kids can then inherit “his” property and your kids yours. Whether you had a lifetime right to reside in the current house or had to move out on his death would have to be decided.

2. You work out your respective contributions to the house and even them up and then pay 50% each of the mortgage and all other bills and costs. When one of you dies you can leave your own 50% of the house to your own kids. (House would need to be held as tenants in common and not joint tenants.)

3. You pool your finances and live as a family as you have been. He realises thar he does well out of this. You trust each other. You discuss how you can protect your children’s inheritance if one of you died and the other remarried.

I'd be going to a solicitor, getting some advice and sorting out a will that protects your dc's interests.

I really appreciate all the replies so far. I'm in a situations of first's. No one in my own family history has owned a property to leave in a will. No one in my own family before my own children (potentially) have gone to uni. I have "done ok" with regard to finding a skill that converted into a very well paid job .
My children have a shot at university that perhaps DHs own children didn't have.

But I'm a fair person. I want to support my children through university and leave a fair amount to all our children when we die. I cannot believe the two issues have become confused.

Of course you should support your dc through uni.
Your dh is just bitter and resentful. Safeguard your children’s inheritance because he won’t.

Sharing money with him would be over. You drop dead and he'll royally fuck over your children.

There was a thread very recently from a chap asking about a new woman who wanted to get married etc. She had little assets and he had a lot. All of MN said dont do it as she would get everything in he death and could cut his children out etc. This emphasises the need to secure your share of things for your children and his for his children. That is critical.

I dont necessarily think you DH is being unreasonable in his logic. He wants to protect his children and im sure you do. My advise is, if you pay 5050 of the mortgage and upkeep of the house, come to an agreement that you 50% will be left to your children in your will but that he will have the right to reside until his death. He should then do the same for his kids, therefore the house is secured.

I sort of understand the 4 kids and 2 kids split but ultimately that's tough. If you both pay equally your kods shouldn't miss out. I dont think he is being a dick as others do I just, I just think he is a bit blinkered tbh.

I'm not sure the two issues have been confused. Your husband is being unreasonable, selfish and really nasty. It sounds like he doesn't actually care about your two children at all.

Luckily you've been through a divorce before, so it's not all firsts

Just make sure your kids are sorted. Get that will written. Personally I'd also separate finances now rather than later

I agree that if you split your mortgage and bills 50/50 you will have the money to support your kids through uni and your husband will have no say in it.

But I'm a fair person.

He's not. Now you know. He's shown you this. Stop trying to placate him, he doesn't have yours or your children's best interests in mind, he's putting him and his first. You need to do the same.

This sort of thing is very difficult. I married very late - I have no children, DH does. I inherited a lot of money from my parents and have used quite a lot to renovate and refurbish DH's house (which I have no legal interest in). I don't want his kids to get any of my parents' money but although I broach the subject about making Wills, he doesn't want to know.

I dunno about inheritance I'd be thinking about the divorce settlement tbh. How could you not support your children through uni?!

You could have foreseen these issues and worked out how the property would be treated before you moved in together. Seems pretty silly not to have done so.

I’ve seen this happen so many times with second marriages. The husband remarries (often for help with to housekeeping and childcare), but he doesn’t see her and her kids as his family. His kids are his real family.

You need to be very careful OP. If I were you I would leave what you have to your kids, because he will leave everything to his.

He will absolutely screw your kids over if you die first. He sounds like a nasty spiteful and unintelligent man seeing as his maths is so wrong.

Ditch the loser op. For your kids, they will know how he feels about them.

I don't want his kids to get any of my parents' money but although I broach the subject about making Wills, he doesn't want to know.

Of course he doesn't because right now, if you die, they will get every single penny. All of it. He's rinsing you with regards to the house because you have let him. You're being very foolish here. You either stop it now or accept that he saw you coming and he and his kids will get every farthing of yours.

Agree with TatianaBis, you see yourself as family, he doesn't.

@Plancina

My DP and I have just bought a house and we have totally joint finances. We are getting married as soon as they reopen marriages again. We have agreed that our new wills, currently being drafted, work as follows: If one of us dies, the other gets everything until they die. When we both have died, the whole estate is divided 50-50. His half is distributed equally between his 4 kids (three from before, one joint) My half goes to our one joint child. His other children are also inheriting from their mother so it seems fair this way to us, and to her.

Well I hope he is absolutely trustworthy as if he inherits everything that is yours as you say he will, he can do what he likes with it once you’re dead, regardless of any will he made when you were alive.