Inheritance . Who's right.

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has 4 children. I have 2. He bought a house with a mortgage 5 years before I met him. When We married I became a joint mortgage holder with him on the property. Mainly because the house needed a lot of improvement and without my income he / we could not have afforded home improvements. I earn at least twice as much as DH. 5 years on from when I moved in we have had a joint account so everything we both earn has been put together and everything we have spent on the house has been paid from this one account.
My ex DH has remarried and I have no idea what kind of legacy he will leave our children.
My own DH's ex wife is a home owner too and no other children but she has also re married. Neither new partners have children.

But this evening my. DH has decided that my own children have " eroded" his children's inherence. I argued it's the other way around as now I am leaving "my half" to 6 children and not just 2 .
I know he spent 5 year paying the mortgage without me but since we married I have contributed 100 per cent of my salary to the joint account and therefore paid towards new kitchen, new bathroom, updated hallway etc .
He's lost sight that his own children will (or will not inherit) from their Mum. That's not in our control but what is the same is that both new partners of our Ex's do not have children.
He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his. I'm inclined to think it's the other way around if analysed . But up until today I was happy enough to go with the arrangement of a simple 6 way split of everything.
The only other variable in the scenario is my ex Husband is potentially better off than DH's ex wife but given we cannot control variables outside our own finances we should only be concentrating on what he and I can control.

If you are still reading, we are also arguing about the level of support I want to provide while mine go to Uni . Both mine are likely to go. None of his did and he cannot see why I should support them through. I don't want to start carving part of my salary off into another account but he doesn't understand I have financial responsibility to my children he never had.

I would have my income paid into a separate account and transfer the same amount that he owns into the joint account.

I would see a solicitor and get advice, asap.

I would have ownership of the house transferred from joint tenancy to tenants in common and leave my half to my two children.

If he disagreed I would seriously consider divorce as a way to ensure my children inherited something.

I would never trust him to do the right thing, whatever he said.

Do you own the property as joint tenants or tenants in common? A solution could be to agree a % of the property each, then move over to tenants in common ( if you don't already own on that basis).

You can then leave your % of the property in a will to whoever you like via a trust and he can do the same with his %. You've obviously got to be braced for the fact that none of his % will go to yours though.

As for supporting your kids through uni, what has it got to do with him? As you earn more I assume you can keep up your half of the bills and then support your children as you like, or do you need his help to give them the level of support you want?

You could end up leaving them nothing. Are you joint tenants or tenants in common?

Family members of mine have just been screwed out of their parents inheritance. Their parent died then the surviving step parent sold the house and gave their bio children money to buy property. Their deceased parent ploughed old family money on to the ‘new marital’ home. The new step parent put in nothing. They didn’t even work.

I can tell you it’s caused massive massive upset.

Your husband has shown his hand here. I’d get out now and sell the house because if you go first your kids will get zilch.

This is so basic. I appreciate that this is all new to you, OP, but you absolutely should have thought this through at the beginning. As soon as you were investing in his property (which is basically what you were doing) you needed to have factored will making and all the other attached legal stuff into your arrangements.

There is no substitute here for contacting a lawyer (I presume they're working via video-conferencing). You need to establish what your position is on the deeds, you need to work out what percentage should be ring-fenced as what your partner is due for that first five years, and then, with legal help, establish what would be fair from the inheritance point of view.

Then you both need to be putting the same amount into the joint account (if having one is easier), and keeping the remainder in your own separate accounts.

We made our wills just before lockdown.

When we bought the house we set up a trust so that we each get back what we put in plus 50% of any equity if we divorce or die.

The Will gives us the right to reside or downsize in the family property. My 2 get my share and his 4 get his share. I get pensions, life insurance, death in services ( if not retired) and anything else that's left. He gets my pension and death in service. We also have the right in the will to pay the others children out of their share. I have the joy of getting rid of his extensive adidas and record collections - after I've offered them to anyone who wants the blasted things.

We had to sit and thrash this out over a few days until we worked out was fairest for all descendants. DH has decided to buy out my boys straight away if I die, but I'm just going to downsize to a little bungalow or retirement place and any profit gets divided up as per the ratio and handed over to all kids straight away.

It's horrible doing it but I'm glad we sorted it out before all this.

Your DH is an arsehole.

He does not sound reasonable. He doesnt sound like he will actually discuss this fairly or agree to anything that gives your kids something.

Remember, if you die first then he gets everything unless you sort something out now. Would he then leave anything to your kids? I think not.

You should divorce him. Stay together if you want, but divorce him now to get the finances split up.

Get a forensic accountant to go through everything. Work out what you have put into the house compared with what he has. Or do that yourself if you want using percentages of earnings or something.

Sort it out now or your kids might get nothing.

If he is really serious then work out what he put in for the first five years and what you paid for improvements then divide the rest by two. Joint account in the future just covers bills with him covering five people and you three. You keep the rest of your money. See a really good STEP lawyer to make a will that will protect your children and then possibly a good divorce lawyer.

...and yes, everyone I know in a blended family plans to leave inheritances only to their own children. It works both ways, so you really don't need to be making a will leaving your share to his children, nor does he need to leave to yours. That would be exceptionally unusual.

However, the ins and outs of that do need to be worked out with a lawyer

I would look at what he put in/house was worth before you, how much has been paid off the mortgage, how much each of you has contributed to that, how much the house value had improved due to the improvements that you made, apportion it all according to how put what in and get it drawn up legally.

I agree. Also, I'd get separate bank accounts immediately, keeping one joint current account for household expenses. If you die first, as someone pointed out, he might leave your children nothing. You've seen how irrational and unfair he is.

Quote MilkTrayLimeBarrel Thu 04-Jun-20 19:16:39
This sort of thing is very difficult. I married very late - I have no children, DH does. I inherited a lot of money from my parents and have used quite a lot to renovate and refurbish DH's house (which I have no legal interest in). I don't want his kids to get any of my parents' money but although I broach the subject about making Wills, he doesn't want to know.

Re MilkTrayLimeBarrel : I agree with highmarkingsnowbile that if you die without a will your husband will get everything but assuming he dies without a will made after you married (as marriage invalidates previous wills):

“The husband, wife or civil partner keeps all the assets (including property), up to £270,000, and all the personal possessions, whatever their value.

The remainder of the estate will be shared as follows:

the husband, wife or civil partner gets an absolute interest in half of the remainder
the other half is then divided equally between the surviving children”

From .gov.uk intestacy calculator. So he has a lot to lose not making a will if he wants his children to inherit.

You don’t need your husbands permission to make a will. Just get legal advice and get one made that reflects your wishes.

I cannot fathom his thinking, on the face of it. But then we don't have all the facts and figures. How much was the house worth before you entered the scene and how much did he pay in mortgage before you joined? How much has each of you contributed since to the mortgage payments and to the house renovations or improvements? How much is it worth now? Did you have a joint bank account from the beginning or from five years on, as you put it? What percentage of the house does each of you own? And how much has each contributed to upkeep of children and family living expenses in general? And savings, investments?
It's a complicated subject and if I were you I'd work out and note down the figures to get a handle on the argument from his side and from your own and then probably go to a solicitor for advice on the inheritance implications of various scenarios. Then there is the need to work out how to separate your finances, if necessary to going forward with the marriage and with providing for your children both now and in inheritance, or if it comes to it, to divorce.

and yes, everyone I know in a blended family plans to leave inheritances only to their own children

Not us. He has three, I have one. They’re each getting 25%. We’ve been together for over 20 years and think of themselves as siblings. My son was horrified at the idea they wouldn’t all be treated the same.

Personally I think the life insurance is pointless unless your children are very young.
I think the mistake you made apart from marrying this man was joining up the finances. At the very least you should be putting equal amounts in to the family pot.
If you decide to stay with him I would also consider the future going in to old age wherepon one of you might need to go in to a care home. I think there is some kind of document you can have drawn up whereby only half the value of the home can be used to pay for the fees if needed.
Lots to think about.

This is a down the line example but worth pointing out I think.

My mum passed away when I was 22 from an brain aneurysm. Everything went to my Dad, mortgage was paid off and an in work death benefit also received.
My Dad found "love" again eight years later, ( I was out of uni by this point and renting a place with friends) they married, her two young children moved in they were happy for about two or three years, things were not happy the last year of his life.
Dad passed away of a heart attack suddenly and everything went to her, she sold what was my family home bought a new place and an investment flat for her sons, she's already told me I'm getting nothing. I don't care anymore, I miss my Dad I'm cross that my mum and dads hard work and life saving has gone to her and her sons. So be careful with your wills, my Dad believed she would honour his wishes. She didn't.

I can’t quite see this as the extreme marriage breaker that some posters seem to, but if your husband continues to be a twat over this then you need to make your own will that protects your children. Your half goes to your children, his half goes to his.

As for university, of course you should support your sons through it if you can. They will be awarded any loan amount they take based on your household income, and they won’t be loaned enough to live on if your earnings are too high. You won’t have much choice unless you’re prepared to watch them struggle.

Your H doesn't seem very good at maths. You only have 2 kids, he has 4, and you earn twice as much as him, and he thinks HIS kids will be the ones losing out? FFS.

You could work out all the details - how much he spent on buying the house, mortgage for 5 years, how much more you've contributed since combining your finances, etc. Then from now on both keep your own earnings (you can use yours to save towards your children's uni fees), while both contributing an equal amount to the joint finances. Transfer the mortgage to tenants in common. Consult your own lawyer about drawing up a will that protects your children.

However that would all be irrelevant to me - he has shown that he doesn't care about your children one iota, which for me would be the end of the relationship. What a class-A asshole he is.

Normally I am all for the children in blended families being equal but seeing as he is being unreasonable I think you need to set some boundaries. Separate finances and split the bills 50/50. Pay for your DC to go to uni out of your money.

Get your own separate bank account and have your money deposited in it.
Transfer an amount to the joint account for mortgage, bills, etc.
Pay for your children's uni out of your separate account. Build up savings from that account and write a will dividing the savings between your two children.

Assuming you're also the registered owner as well as on the mortgage, for goodness sake make sure you're tenants in common and not joint tenants. If you're joint get that severed immediately - you don't need his permission to do that. Then sort out what proportion you both own. Then make a will that leaves your half to your kids.

You can do all that in a few days. After that think about your relationship. If you decide to continue then get separate finances.

OP I couldn't sleep with a man that so openly disrespected my contributions to the family's household. Please do the right thing for you and most importantly your children that deserve a fair inheritance. He has shown his true colours and you now would be stupid to not take action to safeguard your children 's future. Don't divorce if you don't want to (even though I can't understand how you would find him appealing to be with), open your own account and draw a clear will that leaves it all to your children.

I think I would work it out forensically. Purchase price of house. Capital paid off by him in the first five years (fuck all probably). Money added to the mortgage, improvements made. Current equity. Then split it precisely into percentage shares. Change the deeds so you each own the correct percentage. From that point on all payments are split on that percentage and all other bills are 50/50. You leave your half directly to your children. And you never discuss it again.

I would definitely separate finances for the sake of your children.

I think a lot depends on how much he put down for the house and how much he paid on the mortgage before you got together. Then you need to calculate how much you have paid out of earned income to update the house. If he has paid a substantial amount more than you, then I understand him wanting to protect the interests of his children. To say yours are stealing from his though is absurd.

You both want what’s best for your own children which is perfectly understandable. In this situation, I would do the following:

1. Work out who has put more into the house and what that amount is.
2. I’m just assuming you have money in the joint account and savings accounts as you’re married and seem to earn well. As a result, I would subtract that amount from the joint capital and that would go to the other person to even it out.
3. As you can’t change what has happened up until now and I know you earn more, but to make it as fair as possible for everyone and for nobody to feel shafted, the rest would then be split 50/50 and paid into each persons individual accounts.
4. Going forward, each person pays in 50% of the bills into the joint account. If your husbands dc don’t live at home and yours do, I think you should pay slightly more.
5. The rest of each partners salary remains in their personal account for them to do as they please. All holidays, house renovations to be split accordingly.
6. Get a will and each person is to leave their half of the house to their own children. Do not leave it to your husband as either one could shaft the others children out of spite, especially if relationships break down if the surviving partner lives much longer.

Hell would freeze over before I let a man dictate to me whether I could put my children through uni. The same goes for first cars, weddings, house deposits etc. If he hasn’t done that for his own dc, he may feel resentful of you using what he perceived as joint money to benefit your dc. I am a huge advocate of joint accounts when married but when there are children from different relationships involved, then it’s easier to separate finances.

It sounds like he doesn’t understand the maths of it all. It’s hard to tell as you haven’t mentioned any ballpark figures and I think how much deposit he paid on the house and mortgage is a very important factor. If he ploughed in his life savings then I can understand him feeling peeved. I don’t think the value of the house now is relevant or what value it has added as you’re not selling the house or divorcing.

How long have you been married / together? How old are all the children?

Hell would freeze over before I let a man dictate to me whether I could put my children through uni. The same goes for first cars, weddings, house deposits etc.

This ^

@Rosieredapples

This is a down the line example but worth pointing out I think.

My mum passed away when I was 22 from an brain aneurysm. Everything went to my Dad, mortgage was paid off and an in work death benefit also received.
My Dad found "love" again eight years later, ( I was out of uni by this point and renting a place with friends) they married, her two young children moved in they were happy for about two or three years, things were not happy the last year of his life.
Dad passed away of a heart attack suddenly and everything went to her, she sold what was my family home bought a new place and an investment flat for her sons, she's already told me I'm getting nothing. I don't care anymore, I miss my Dad I'm cross that my mum and dads hard work and life saving has gone to her and her sons. So be careful with your wills, my Dad believed she would honour his wishes. She didn't.

A very similar thing happened to my friend. Her late mothers estate was worth around £3million. It all ended up going to the children of her fathers second wife.

OP you need to sort this sharpish.