Inheritance . Who's right.

[Cheeseismymiddlename]

DH has 4 children. I have 2. He bought a house with a mortgage 5 years before I met him. When We married I became a joint mortgage holder with him on the property. Mainly because the house needed a lot of improvement and without my income he / we could not have afforded home improvements. I earn at least twice as much as DH. 5 years on from when I moved in we have had a joint account so everything we both earn has been put together and everything we have spent on the house has been paid from this one account.
My ex DH has remarried and I have no idea what kind of legacy he will leave our children.
My own DH's ex wife is a home owner too and no other children but she has also re married. Neither new partners have children.

But this evening my. DH has decided that my own children have " eroded" his children's inherence. I argued it's the other way around as now I am leaving "my half" to 6 children and not just 2 .
I know he spent 5 year paying the mortgage without me but since we married I have contributed 100 per cent of my salary to the joint account and therefore paid towards new kitchen, new bathroom, updated hallway etc .
He's lost sight that his own children will (or will not inherit) from their Mum. That's not in our control but what is the same is that both new partners of our Ex's do not have children.
He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his. I'm inclined to think it's the other way around if analysed . But up until today I was happy enough to go with the arrangement of a simple 6 way split of everything.
The only other variable in the scenario is my ex Husband is potentially better off than DH's ex wife but given we cannot control variables outside our own finances we should only be concentrating on what he and I can control.

If you are still reading, we are also arguing about the level of support I want to provide while mine go to Uni . Both mine are likely to go. None of his did and he cannot see why I should support them through. I don't want to start carving part of my salary off into another account but he doesn't understand I have financial responsibility to my children he never had.

Check your house title, if it is a joint tenancy then consider severing & holding the properth ss tenants in common in appropriate shares...50:50 or if he wants to get his value worth for the first 5 yrs then work that out relative to value...55:45 or whatever. His share gets split betw his kids & yours betw your kids. Stop paying 100% into the account. Keep some for yourself & kids.

His ex & he decide how they fund college education...or rather not to. You & your ex, as the parents, will decide on your children. Absolutely I would pay for education if I had the means. I had & I did. I didn't pay for mobile credit & social life...a student part time job was needed or that.

Why is this all of this coming up now? Are these not the things you discuss when considering marriage, considering gouling on house title & liability for mortgage? Did you have property with your ex, what happened to that...I hope if you got a lump sum you didn't pay into joint a/c with new husband. He sounds v selfish to me.

I'd divorce him.

Your kids will get screwed if something happens to you.

OP have you increased the value of the house by much?
Is he putting ALL his money into that account?
How does he feel about the earning difference between you?
Did he go to uni?
Does he think if yours don't go to uni there will be more of your money for his kids or for him?

Well that's a deal breaker for me.

Are you joint owners, I'd suggest working out past cumulative financial contributions to the house and changing the ownership to tenants in common and sorting out your will with a solicitor asap

Stop paying in all your salary.
You deserve better

There probably won’t be much left by the time care home fees and suchlike are paid, but surely all children of a marriage (by one or both parents) would usually get an equal share?
Aren’t all your worldly goods equally yours? Aren’t the children equally part of the same family? We’ve always had one pot and equal access. We do the children according to need at any point in time but they’ll all inherit equally.

@Plancina that is a terrible will. If you die first your DH can change his will TG the benefit of his children. Or he might get married again and then he dies. You really need to get better advice.

@TimeWastingButFun

I'm probably old fashioned but when we got married, we shared everything. I sold my house (no mortgage to pay off, so a sizeable sum) and invested it all in my husbands much bigger house, paid off his mortgage and extended and we split everything 50/50. He has two grown up kids, we have two little ones and as far as I'm concerned there are 4 kids, 25% of everything in our wills. So if my husband goes first I will still split everything in my will four ways.

No you are not old fashioned but you are very unusual . The traditional way would be that his children would inherit from their two parents and your (joint ) children would inherit from their two parents.

Otherwise his children will inherit from three parents and yours from only two. So you are benefitting then and disadvantaging your own. Unless your husbands first wife is dead and so are all her family, so they won’t inherit from anyone on their mothers side.

Of course it also depends on the age of the children when you married him and if they see you as a parent or a step parent.

I would be checking that will is air tight to protect your children. I hope it does not state if you die first it goes to him because he will take your children out of his will straight away. I suggest you state that if you were to pass away first if the house is to be split evenly that a third of your share goes to each of your children and the other third to him in order to cover his 4th child. However I wouldn't blame you by the sound of it if you decided to divorce him and take your money an run.

I inherited a lot of money from my parents and have used quite a lot to renovate and refurbish DH's house (which I have no legal interest in). I don't want his kids to get any of my parents' money but although I broach the subject about making Wills, he doesn't want to know.

Why on earth would anyone renovate and refurbish a house when they don't have any legal interest in it?

If you had said
"So DH your hordes of kids would get the lions share of my wealth if we split it 6 ways right? Now YOUR ex has an asset that my kids won't benefit from but yours likely will . My ex may or may not leave my kids an asset.
You've started this chat without bothering to find out what the exes plans are ? I think my 2 will get (cough cough) each and your plethora of kids can split (cough) between them....unless you die first, you do have funeral cover right? Why do I ask? don''t worry dear it wont concern you as you'll be dead and your money will be mine err i mean split between us all"

Im being tongue in cheek but look at this scenario honestly, he has told you he believes he should decide what happens in the event of your death and if that means shafting your kids. Meh so what.

See a solicitor.

If you want to stay with him change from joint tenants to tenants in common and leave your half as you see fit.

He won't leave a bean to your children.

See a solicitor.

If you want to stay with him change from joint tenants to tenants in common and leave your half as you see fit.

^^This. Exactly what I have done and you have more reason to do so.

How much equity was in the house when you married?
If we are talking £100,000+ vs you 'contributing' to kitchen/bathroom updates then he may have a point.

However I would get your Will sorted and separate your finances now, who knows when you will divorce. Pay 50% of ongoing bills/costs etc but keep your salary to yourself (& help your children at uni). Leave all your part of the estate to your children directly. Get the equity in house valued as of when you married and let him have that bit, but any increase in the equity since then is split 50/50 and goes to your 2 children bypassing DH.

Then you haven't 'diluted' his 4 childrens inheritance and you get a fair share for your 2 children.

I agree with a PP. Half the house. Half goes yo your two and half to his 4. I couldn't look at him the same after this though.

He can enjoy the independence of knowing you aren’t robbing his children by separate finances,he will then realise they will be worse off without your generosity.
You will need a lawyer to confirm house value and equity when you arrived, and value post your input and amount you put in to decide on % ownership. Get it drawn up as x % each plus 50 / 50 on growth from here on and pay 50% of mortgage. Pay into joint account proportionately to earnings. Keep the rest of your money. Do a will leaving it all to your dc (with him allowed to live in house till he dies). Tell him this is what you wanted isn’t it?

see a good solicitor for wills, land registry and possibly divorce.
forewarned is forearmed.
do you really want to waste yourself on this character, look at his attitude to your children and their education. parents are expected to contribute, the student loan does not cover everything.
but i think it is something more than lack of information, or not knowing how the system works, with your husband.
something more fundamental.
separate your finances now. you will need to go sooner or later.
don't leave it till later when he has squeezed you dry financially and emotionally. this is a wake-up call. don't be on the back foot. ducks in a row, and go. good luck.

Splitting house 50/50
Dh 50% between 4 children-12.5% per child
Your 50% between your 2dc- 25% per child

House split 6 ways
6 children- (approx)16.6% per dc

His dcs definatly win from the 6 way split.

I would be making a will for my half to go straight to my 2dc as by the sounds of it, if you pass first, his will may get changed and cut your dc out completely.
Its sad but it does happen when money and family is involved.

Hi OP.

Forgot to say you if you decide to change to tenants in common you will need to complete the ‘Form A restriction’. Pretty straight forward and can be done with or without his consent. I've gone through the process and it straightforward. Documents available from www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common

As others have said please make sure you have a will in place.

I think you need to seek legal advice and start making your wishes known in legal circles.

As an earlier poster has mentioned, my SIL also missed out on receiving an inheritance from her parents estate due to her father re-marrying after her mother's death. A relative on Hubby's side is currently watching her son divide the family over an estate left by his father which absorbed his 2nd partner's assets,, excluding her daughters and his brother!

Once you have sought legal advice, even change your Will for the short term in your children's favour, then start talks with your Hubby over the asset division. Personally I would have thought a professional assessment of what the property was worth and financial position (ie debt) should be jointly sourced, and then a statement of financial affairs since then.

If you cannot agree even on this step, then I hold little hope of your children ever seeing anything of yours.

Part two is the university conversation. The same conversation has said by my friends who believe that once a child turns 18, they are out the door and on their own.

Its a belief that neither Hubby nor I subscribed to and neither of us has been to university either. I don't like to use the word ''easy'' in relation to university study and life, but for kids who have strong family support behind them, certainly ''makes'' life easier for them if they have less to worry about come university time.

You do what you want for your children, you don't get a second chance regardless of what is going on in your 2nd Hubby's head.

He's adamant my children are "stealing" from his.

It's very worrying that he said that. I think you should consult with a lawyer and get a will drawn up. I would also worry that if you died before your husband that he would disinherit your children.

Find out if you're joint tenants or tenants in common first.

Absolutely agree with previous posters. If you died today your husband has shown he would nothave your children's interests protected. You have to act ASAP.

Both myself and my partner have fallen foul of the 2nd wife and children inheriting where no will put in place. This is common and I'm
Sure you'd hate that for your children.

As for the marriage going forward I don't think I would be able to move on from this.

Hope you’re feeling ok this morning, it’s rare to get such a unanimous thread on mn, but if i were in your shoes I would be feeling quite unsettled 💐

@kazzer2867

Hi OP.

Forgot to say you if you decide to change to tenants in common you will need to complete the ‘Form A restriction’. Pretty straight forward and can be done with or without his consent. I've gone through the process and it straightforward. Documents available from www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common

As others have said please make sure you have a will in place.

Gosh yes, I’d forgotten this so what I said upthread is wrong. But still, it is a very simple process and binding as soon as he is in receipt of the form and covering letter. www.smarterwebcompany.co.uk/eblawonline-co-uk/_img/pdf/notive-of-severance.pdf. You do not need to do this as a couple for it to be legally binding. Nor does he have legally have to sign the acknowledgement or agree to it. The only thing, which is a bit iffy is that the two of you live together and if push came to shove, proving that he actually received the letter. Maybe send it recorded delivery and refuse to sign for it if it arrives when he’s not there or something....

Are you coming back?