Relationship advice needed - AIBU

[Unreasonable2]

Hi all.
I'm a 30 year old women and I am in a relationship with a 30 year old man. We have been in a relationship for 11 months.
He has said he wants to take it slow (which I respect) so hasnt met my DD or any of my family, and I havent met his parents who he lives with.
During lockdown we havent seen each other obviously.
My issue is he is always too busy, too busy for a phone call, too busy to text during the day, his weekends are too busy.. I get around 20 minutes to text him from when he gets in bed till he goes to sleep and he wont reply any other time of the day.

Usually he lives a busy life anyway with work but I usually get to see him 2 evenings a week.

We spoke the other night and he informed me that after this is over, for the foreseeable, we wont be able to spend any weekends together as he has to do some diy for his parents.

Am I being unreasonable wanting more? It's been nearly a year of this and the last few months of lockdown has shown me I cant be as much of a priority to him as he is to me as if I was, surely he would make time to text back/call back etc.

AIBU just expecting a bit more commitment? A bit more of his time/attention because I honestly dont know. Before this I have only been in one other relationship. DD's father which lasted 15 years.

Oh come on, he's showing you he's disinterested, yawning, bored, not wanting to speak, limiting the hours you interact, warning you he's busy for his entire life- what would he have to do to show you he's not that into you!!!!!

Get the book *he's not that into you', read it, absorb the message and spend time opening up your life to someone nice who actually likes you and likes spending time with you.

He may be married, but this is by the by- I have a friend in the exact same situation and his post was redirected/left at the 'house' he lived in so it looked like he lived there (but lived with his wife).

Please listen to everyone here.

He is not that into you. DD's ex BF started behaving like this before he dumped her. Keep your pride intact and end it with him before he ends it with you.

Sounds like he could have brought you round to his parents' place when they were away and lives with his wife elsewhere. Most people still have some post going to their parents house from when they were younger. I would walk away with your head held high. We only get one life and you deserve so much more.

@Unreasonable2

He has been WFH monday to friday and weekends he apparently does DIY but the DIY he is doing will apparently take years to complete 🤷‍♀️ he is restoring a house his parents bought that needs alot of work

And when he has finally finished all the hard work on this house that's going to take years to complete... where's he going to live?

If he spends that many years renovating it, he's hardly likely to want to move out, is he? And by then his parents will be getting older, and maybe they would struggle to live on their own because they need him... where do you fit in to this picture?

If he was that interested, he'd make time for you.

He’s probably married and living elsewhere with his wife. He could’ve taken you to his parents when they were away.

Never believe "I'm too busy" all that means is he's too busy for you. If someone wants to make time for you - they will x

It takes 30 seconds to send a text. Even when busy. Just a simple “good morning” or “how’s your day”
He’s just slowly ghosting you. End it now.

Do you talk to him on the phone op? Or just text...

Because I'd be thinking he is married with the way be is acting.

Either that or you are one of many so he only has so much time for each of you.

It isnt good enough either way op. Bin him and find yourself someone who actually wants to spend time with you.

Just rang him.. he answered. He is busy, he will be busy tomorrow and will give me a message on saturday night. I told him we need to talk.. I plan to tell him I cant do it anymore

and he finally called at 11pm and spent the 20 minutes we was on the phone yawning and telling me how tired he was

He'd have been told to get lost at that point if I'd been you.

We speak on the phone occasionally, sometimes when he isnt so busy during the work day he will call- it's not often. Just sometimes

Did be sound rushed/irritated/nervous when you called? Totally betting he has someone else op.

I wouldn't even bother waiting till his next call. He is a rude git who has not time for you. Text dump him and block him and move on.

Yeh but...if YOU call him does he usually answer? Or is it just on his terms?

@Nanny0gg I felt embarrassed if I was honest.. I was excited, I'd got my dd to sleep, did my make up, poured a glass of wine and waited.. literally for nothing

Fuck it, just tell him it’s over via text as he’s so busy for you

He just sounded fed up, huffing and saying he had a busy day. He didnt sound irritated or rushed. Just annoyed. He sometimes answer, not always.

Bloody hell op why are you with him? He sounds awful!

Don’t put yourself through this, he’s clearly trying to dump you. Get in first and just ghost him he’s not worth the trouble.

Op just move on. If he doesn't call you back today send him a text.
I can't believe how rude he is to you. You wouldn't put up with this if he was a friend.

Why are you letting him treat you like this? He's not even worth bothering to dump, just stop texting him. If he can' find 10 mins a day to talk to you, or be bothered to open a card you bought for him, why would you waste even one more second of your life telling him he's dumped?

I just got rid of one exactly the same. Mine forgot to open the expensive Christmas present I bought him, hadn't seen me in 4 months because he was 'too busy' but as soon as the golf courses reopened a couple of weeks ago, could immediately find a spare 4 hours to go and whack a ball round a field. That was the final straw for me.

He sounds like a complete knob to be honest.

Have you seen the film "he's just not that into you"? It's one of my faves. They say that if a guy wants to see you, he'll see you. If a guy wants to call you, he will. It's that simple. And if he thought you were 'the one', he wouldn't be acting like this!

I'd just go cold on him or at the most just a text to say it's over, he doesn't deserve an official dumping!!

I just tried calling again. I cant wait till saturday to have this conversation. I'll talk myself out of it. He didnt answer. Then sent me a message saying "love you" I messaged and said I need to talk to you. Nothing yet...

Seriously why are you so keen to speak to him? Are you hoping he will see the error of his ways and make a miraculous change? Because that isn’t going to happen.

If you call again and he picks up don’t say ‘hello’ or ‘we need to talk’ just say ‘you’re dumped’ then hang up and get in with the rest of your life.

Why don’t you just stop contacting him? You literally have nothing to lose at this point. It isn’t a relationship. He barely acknowledges your existence.
Sorry to be harsh. Your self-esteem must be on the floor to tolerate this shit.
In a normal relationship the communication is mutual. Both partners like each other and enjoy spending time together.

He’s just making excuse after excuse to get out of talking to you. Can you see that now?