Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner took the 3 month mortgage holiday...and didn’t tell me

190 replies

TonightYoureAStar · 02/06/2020 18:35

HI so today my bank kindly sent me a text message asking if I was happy with the mortgage holiday I had...but I wasn’t aware that I was having one, went home and asked my partner, who usually pays the monthly repayments as I’m working part-time looking after the 2 boys aged 5 and 7 - but we have a joint mortgage as I paid half the deposit (£80k) and he confessed that he had done this 2 months ago, but hadn’t told me ???!!!! He is still working, hasn’t been furloughed but has had to take a 10% pay cut, which he had told me about so of course I’ve been worried about money during this period and been v.frugal - however yesterday I asked if he could get a cycling helmet for the boys and he told me to get it, as money was tight....so I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to be absolutely f£&king fuming now that I know he’s been saving £1,200 a month without telling me????

OP posts:
AllZoomedOut · 02/06/2020 21:43

Well, I think that £3600 will pay for an excellent holiday for you and the kids next summer, OP.

or pay it off the mortgage as intended

BarbaraofSeville · 02/06/2020 21:48

If you spend the money on a holiday, you'll be paying interest on that money for the rest of the mortgage term.

It doesn't sound like you needed the mortgage holiday it's usually not a good idea to take it, as you still have to pay all the money back, with an extra three months of interest.

He doesn't think it's free money does he? And what's he going to do with the mortgage payments that you haven't needed to make.

Spillinteas · 02/06/2020 21:55

It’s really sly what he has done. You probably don’t know a lot about this man. I think you’d get a shock if you seen his bank balance

Savingshoes · 02/06/2020 22:13

It's a joint mortgage, surely the problem is with the mortgage company agreeing a change to payments without both owners consent?

Ontheboardwalk · 02/06/2020 22:17

Mortgage holidays should be the last resort due to the extra interest you end up paying

You also don’t know that in the future you won’t actually need a mortgage holiday due to proper lack of funds. You'll then get turned down as you’ve already had one

Makes as much sense as someone I work with, still in contract till end of year, not paying Limited company VAT and taxes due as per tax relief, to 'get in front with their money'.

No pay what you owe when you owe it if you can

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/06/2020 22:25

Mortgage holidays should be the last resort due to the extra interest you end up paying not necessarily. If you still have 20/30 years left on your mortgage the difference will be minimal and enable people to stash some money or clear some debt. Many people I know have taken the opportunity as for them it’s just that, an opportunity. The issue here is deceit

runningon · 02/06/2020 22:50

You are being financially abused.

That happens to both married and non-married people.

He doesn't love his kids....did you not just say he wouldn't pay for a cycle helmet for one of them? Yeah very bloody loving!

I would make plans for getting away, he sounds horrible.

OhioOhioOhio · 02/06/2020 22:53

Get rid of him.

Pixxie7 · 02/06/2020 23:39

The mortgage and rent payment holidays were always open to abuse. I think a lot of people didn’t think about the potential risks.

fuzzymoon · 03/06/2020 07:55

I would post in legal about the money side of things. If you get an inheritance, your savings etc then you split.

It's not as simple as we're not married so what is mine is mine.

I would also consider selling the house and going separate ways than living in a loveless toxic environment.

It's not as simple as I got some money off him. It's the whole underlying reason why he did this and what else he is capable of.

He may have forged your signature. I know someone who's ex did that and remortgaged the house. The money was gone and she was left with a huge debt.

Be very careful.

Msmcc1212 · 03/06/2020 08:03

That’s not ok. I’d be fuming and I’d want to take a step back and think about whether the relationship needs some work. Relate do remote sessions. Good luck Flowers

FilledSoda · 03/06/2020 08:15

Is the love really gone ?
If you do love and respect each other you could change this , although I would to be married .
Maybe that ship has sailed

DilemmaDame · 03/06/2020 08:34

Op what he has done is NOT ON at all. You might find when you come to remorgate that you get worse rates because you've had a mortgage holiday (that you didn't even need!!!)

There's been so much talk in the news about the mortgage holiday not affecting your credit rating but IT'S NOT THE RATING AGENCIES THAT LEND YOU MONEY! They are just gatekeepers. You might pass the initial credit check when you remortgage (with a great score) but if a prospective lender asks 'have you ever had a mortgage holiday' (and this is a standard question) you will have to say yes, and you might get worse rates as a result.

I'd be fuming. I'd consider LTB, no joke

StatementKnickers · 03/06/2020 10:37

Have you actually contacted your bank to find out how this happened? Who gets the annual mortgage statement?

dontdisturbmenow · 03/06/2020 10:57

Sounds like the relationship dead some time ago with both looking after your own interests and it has escalated to appoint of no return.

Go back to work ft as soon as possible. Agree to share all bills including childcare 50%.

At some point, he'll have to agree to selling the house and moving in.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page