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Original poster

Partner took the 3 month mortgage holiday...and didn’t tell me

190 replies

TonightYoureAStar · 02/06/2020 18:35

HI so today my bank kindly sent me a text message asking if I was happy with the mortgage holiday I had...but I wasn’t aware that I was having one, went home and asked my partner, who usually pays the monthly repayments as I’m working part-time looking after the 2 boys aged 5 and 7 - but we have a joint mortgage as I paid half the deposit (£80k) and he confessed that he had done this 2 months ago, but hadn’t told me ???!!!! He is still working, hasn’t been furloughed but has had to take a 10% pay cut, which he had told me about so of course I’ve been worried about money during this period and been v.frugal - however yesterday I asked if he could get a cycling helmet for the boys and he told me to get it, as money was tight....so I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to be absolutely f£&king fuming now that I know he’s been saving £1,200 a month without telling me????

OP posts:
Rainycloudyday · 02/06/2020 19:05

Ah, just realised you’re not married which changes the situation a bit. In that case the main concern is if you have any security over your home?

Original poster
TonightYoureAStar · 02/06/2020 19:05

Yep I don’t trust him at all

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 02/06/2020 19:06

It’s a joint mortgage. How did the payment holiday happen without the consent of both debtors?

I did it without requiring consent from my OH. All joint accounts.

I’m struggling to see the issue here, OP. You’re no worse off than you were surely? What will you do with the extra 750? Is it something better than saving it?

We don’t need a payment holiday right now but we have no idea whether we will have jobs in 3 or 6 months time and although we’ve both had pay cuts, it could be cut further, so we’ve taken the holiday and put the money in savings. Maybe that’s his concern in which case saving money is a good plan.

HollowTalk · 02/06/2020 19:06

@FTMF30 It's a joint mortgage. He's kept her half of the cost but the mortgage will run for three months longer, now.

thenamesarealltaken · 02/06/2020 19:06

OP you need to take serious note of these responses. Thos is extremely suspicious behaviour. I also do not understand how, when you have children together, you don't pool all finances and just take out a small amount each to save for treats for yourself or to buy for each other, etc. You are both paying the mortgage. His wages are the family income. How could he take a mortgage holiday? Are you not on the deeds? You must find out as a mortgage holiday is for emergency only. He has other plans maybe.

CodenameVillanelle · 02/06/2020 19:06

I’m confused-if he pays the mortgage himself in full each month then it doesn’t seem that bad to me that he made the decision to take the holiday.

Firstly, the house is a joint asset so any changes to the repayments should be agreed by both. Secondly, he's let her count the pennies and refused to buy a new cycling helmet for their child citing the 10% salary drop whilst also secretly saving £1k + per month in mortgage payments. He's lying to her.

Smallsteps88 · 02/06/2020 19:08

I have been asking for that for years, and he won’t do it, our relationship has been on the rocks for years and this is the final straw IMO - I Want him to move out but he won’t

I hate to say it OP but you’re in far bigger financial shit than a few mortgage payments. This guy has been hiding finances from you for years. I’d be surprised if you are actually on the mortgage. I think you need to see a solicitor.

highmarkingsnowbile · 02/06/2020 19:08

Have I got this right - you work PT because of childcare but are unmarried so you wouldn't have any claim on his pension or assets that have built up during your relationship? So this money he's been saving - it goes into savings in his name which you have no right to, although you do still have an additional £3600 that you are partly responsible for? Yes, I'd be pissed off.

This!

And why it's never a good idea to cut your job to do childcare when you're an unmarried partner, even worse because you don't share finances.

He's financially abusive.

I'd go back to work FT and look at splitting.

You'll never see a penny of that money he hid from you.

Original poster
TonightYoureAStar · 02/06/2020 19:08

Yes he may have thought I would spend it, but in my mind that’s not the issue, I would have just liked to have been told, I have contributed as much financially to the house I understand that savings are crucial now

OP posts:
VodselForDinner · 02/06/2020 19:08

Is it a joint mortgage?

You’re in a very financially vulnerable position, OP.

I take it you’re not married? Are the children his?

Did you each pay £80k towards the deposit?

highmarkingsnowbile · 02/06/2020 19:10

You can't demand anything of him, either. Best you can do is go back FT, tell him it's over and seek legal advice about how to deal with the house.

Clymene · 02/06/2020 19:11

He lied on the form. He told your lenders he had your consent when he didn't. He has committed financial fraud.

What do you mean he won't move out? You can't carry out like this!

june2007 · 02/06/2020 19:11

Tell him to reinstate the payments. aslo it seems your name is not on the mortgage is not in your name because if it were he would need your permission. I understand that with 10% cut why he did this but he should have told you.

Original poster
TonightYoureAStar · 02/06/2020 19:11

I am definitely on the mortgage that’s why the bank sent me the text

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 02/06/2020 19:11

How did you buy the house OP, joint tenants or tenants in common?

Thelittleweasel · 02/06/2020 19:12

Depending on how far you want to go you can for £6 get a download of your house "deeds" from Land Registry which will tell ownership and mortgage

@TonightYoureAStar

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2020 19:12

@ARoseInHarlem

It’s a joint mortgage. How did the payment holiday happen without the consent of both debtors?
We applied (me and my DH) for a 1 month payment holiday. It was all done online by me and the only question regarding him was "Is the other person whose name is on the mortgage in agreement?"

They didn't text him either but they did send a letter addressed to us both, confirming it.

butterpuffed · 02/06/2020 19:15

You can extend mortgage holidays for a further three months now.

WingingWonder · 02/06/2020 19:17

Is your name totally on the mortgage?
Because here you carry all the risk but none of the openness
I would calmly sit him down and explain how finances will work going forwards;
All into 1 account
Same amount to each of you for spends,
Sep Saving DD to keep the saving mantra alive
All living costs from that account still
Whatever affordable leftover can still go into saving

And also; you need sight of all bank accounts because if you’re breaking up he’s concealing from you
It’s financial abuse

MintyMabel · 02/06/2020 19:18

not in your name because if it were he would need your permission

Not true.

Theyweretheworstoftimes · 02/06/2020 19:21

Surely you both signed a document to take out the mortgage holiday? Or both agreed to it on a recorded line with the bank? If it's a joint mortgage?

I would be contacting the bank and asking them how one party on a joint mortgage could make decisions like this?

Surely both parties must agree to any changes or amendments?

I would be asking for copies of the correspondence.

Partner took the 3 month mortgage holiday...and didn’t tell me
SonjaMorgan · 02/06/2020 19:22

I would be angry, you will end up paying more now over the full term. I don't think putting the money into savings makes sense. Yes mortgage rates are incredibly low but so are savings rates.

You need to sit down and have a talk about transparency and finances.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 02/06/2020 19:24

Firstly if it is a joint mortgage WTF is the bank doing it without your consent? or is it fraud as he told them you consented etc or forged it?

How do you pay the mortgage -half direct each? or from a joint account -so were you paying in and him removing it?

I'd go bloody bonkers. What a bugger. How dare he.

Takingontheworld · 02/06/2020 19:25

Smh. OP, he's taking you for a mug. Mortgage holiday fraud the least of your problems right now.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/06/2020 19:25

If they are not married his bank accounts, investments etc are his, and will still be his if they split up. That’s why it is a good idea to have joint finances if you are the lower paid person in a relationship where you are not married. That is why the highest paid person with the most assets tends not to want to get married and not to have joint assets.