to not tell DH about inheritance

[ClosedAuraOpenMind]

so I know I probably ABU here...

found out today I'm due a small inheritance from DGF, which was surprising. £11k so nice but not life changing

I could probably use the cash to pay off some credit card debt, which is at a stupidly high interest rate, then we (me, DH and DD) could probably have a nice holiday, most likely next year I guess

but things with DH haven't been great through lockdown...

we're both key workers, but while I've been wfh and trying to coax a v reluctant DD to do some homeschooling, and countless other household tasks, he's been going out to work as normal, and I've had no support from him. in fact he often makes my like worse, arguing and antagonising DD about schoolwork, then going out to work leaving me trying to do my crazy busy full time job with a hysterical child

I've told myself I won't make any rash decisions during lockdown, and will see what happens at the end of it - although who knows when that would be

so, given I have no savings of my own, if I were to leave the £11k would come in handy, and could really help me and DD...

so WIBU to open a bank account, put the money in it, and not tell him?

Inheritance is NOT a marital asset in Scotland . Unless you bring it into the marriage eg buying a house or another asset together with it.

Just keep it in a separate account. It’s legally and morally yours.

that's interesting about inheritance not being a marital asset - I'd never thought about it, but I've never had one before

It does feel like my money though - I guess because it was my DGF. but as another example of DH not giving me any practical support, he didn't attend the funeral for him

Open your own account. Every woman should have a running away fund.

My mother gave me this advice many years ago. She and my father have been together 65 years now and are still happy...but she always had her own running away money in case she needed it. It's good advice.

Couldn’t give a shit about the mn oh it’s hypocritical brigade. If you’re having thoughts about leaving, keep it secret in case you need it to leave.

I had a huge inheritance...about 250 K a few years ago and it’s scary how quickly it has disappeared!! I now have 80 left and am guarding it with my life !! Am now not prepared to spend another penny of it unless it is really necessary!! This is money that was left to me and have happily treated and helped out the children in the past but am now not paying a penny toward normal family expenses !!

I vote for an escape fund. It sounds like you and DD may need it soon.

If you suddenly have money to clear your debts, isn't that likely to make your husband wonder where the money came from?

Also, depending on how the debt arose, it you're living beyond your means, blowing whatever is left on a holiday seems daft, regardless of whether you keep it in reserve as an escape fund or joint 'savings'.

In your position, I'd want to know a bit more about the business accounts - if you're running up joint debt because your partner ism't paying himself enough is building up his own escape fund then maybe time to rethink your plan of action.

we're not running up debts now, it's an old credit card from years back when I possibly did spend more than I should....

I could pay it off and husband would not know....I've just not had the opportunity before

Can you tell him about it, say you're going to use some of it to clear the credit card debt, but want to keep the rest safe in a separate account so it doesn't get wasted on day-to-day spending, until you decide what to do with it? That way, he knows about it (I think he'd have to find out if you divorce anyway), it's not unreasonable to want to not waste an inheritance, so it makes some sense to keep it separate, and if you sort things out, everything's easier and you've got your holiday money, and if you don't, it's there when you need it.

If you don't tell him now, and things do sort themselves out in your relationship, how will you explain the sudden appearance of the money?

Jesus, no - don't tell him.

Use the money to clear your debt.
Then, seriously think about whether he is worth spending any money on at all.
Maybe its time to call it a day with him.

[quote Ellisandra]@Seeingadistance you cannot categorically say that inheritance is not a marital asset without knowing under which legal jurisdiction the OP lives.[/quote]
I’m in Scotland, but it is my understanding that even in England it is easier to keep hold of an inheritance if it is kept separately. Which is why I mentioned that aspect.

Turns out that the OP is also Scottish, which makes it more straightforward.

It’s certainly more clear cut in Scotland, and I agree with you about keeping it separate and says the same. I just don’t think you should state that it’s not a marital asset - even in Scotland, it’s not 100% guaranteed!

I would not tell him. X

Inheritance surely isnt part of assets?

In Scotland - it’s not a marital asset .

Sorry..now see that @C0RA has described Exactly how it works ...

My ex DH put an inheritance towards paying off our mortgage .
Because it went into our family home it legally became a marital asset .
I gave him it all back though !

Definitely get your credit card moved to an interest free one. Nothing to it. Don't put the money in your DD's name just open your own account and keep it there. My Bil was determined to keep an inheritance from his ex and put it in his DS's name. DS spent it all as he said it wasn't Bil's it was grandad's money and he had just as much right to it has Bil did!!!
Family completely split now, Bil moved to Aus.

When my 4 sisters and I all received £27k inheritance one of my sisters was going through a bad patch in her marriage. I was the executor of a will. My sister asked me to not pay her share but to keep hold of it for her while she tried to sort out if her marriage would fail or not due to her DH becoming overly friendly with a colleague. In the end they separated and then divorced. She had to fill out a form for court saying how much money in her bank account. Three or four months after divorce she asked for £15k she used as deposit for new home for her and kids. Her ex thinks she is renting. She still did not want rest until about a year later.

It is always good to have a nest egg. It is reasonable to stash it until you decide if you will stay with your husband or not.

Don't put it in your name though. Get your Mum or sister to keep hold of it for you.

I'd do just that. Better safe than sorry

There is a distinct difference between hiding the money and quietly setting it aside for easy access. If it comes to divorce, when it comes time to declare assets, declare it. That doesn’t mean you can’t also use it to rent a place or buy groceries.

Isn’t that “family money” ??????

Pay off the debt and out the rest in the bank . If you don’t have any savings then don’t even think about a holiday .

Nobody checks what you put on the financial form, they just ask you both if you agree the amounts, so if your husband doesn't know about the £11k, he can't disagree with the forms. I would open an account that only has digital statements & direct the emails to a spam folder or start another email address that he doesn't know about. If you are thinking of leaving, you need as much money as you can in your leaving fund.

Keep schtum