to not tell DH about inheritance

[ClosedAuraOpenMind]

so I know I probably ABU here...

found out today I'm due a small inheritance from DGF, which was surprising. £11k so nice but not life changing

I could probably use the cash to pay off some credit card debt, which is at a stupidly high interest rate, then we (me, DH and DD) could probably have a nice holiday, most likely next year I guess

but things with DH haven't been great through lockdown...

we're both key workers, but while I've been wfh and trying to coax a v reluctant DD to do some homeschooling, and countless other household tasks, he's been going out to work as normal, and I've had no support from him. in fact he often makes my like worse, arguing and antagonising DD about schoolwork, then going out to work leaving me trying to do my crazy busy full time job with a hysterical child

I've told myself I won't make any rash decisions during lockdown, and will see what happens at the end of it - although who knows when that would be

so, given I have no savings of my own, if I were to leave the £11k would come in handy, and could really help me and DD...

so WIBU to open a bank account, put the money in it, and not tell him?

When my dh inherited £5k from his gran he told me and I told him he should keep it as she left it to him. When my Mum died I inherited £27k as shared between 5 sisters. I bought DH a gift, have each child £1k then invested the rest into b2l house. I also inherited £3k on two separate occasions from dear aunties. DH is likely to inherit from his Mum at some point in future, that will be his money except my dmil who I get on with very well has recently told me she has left money to us equally in her will. Not sure how DH will feel about that.

If you think your marriage may not survive you could 'gift' money to your sister. She might 'gift it back to you after a divorce.
My sister 'gifted' me a chunk of her inheritance from when Mum died and it is waiting for her if she needs it at some point in future. I think she told her husband, who she loves but who is volatile she got £10k which she used to pay off debts and get some work done on their house.

If you divorce you have to declare any money in your name and provide bank statements.

That's your escape fund and you might need to spend it before there's any tallying of a divorce settlement.
Keep quiet. I wouldn't put it in your daughter's name in case you can't access it before she's of age. (I'm not sure about this.)
I'd keep quiet anyway. I can't imagine not having control of my own finances.

I am sure someone with better legal knowledge than me will come along but..... I am sure that if you keep it seperately then it wont be considered as a marital asset. If it goes into a joint account or is used to buy a joint asset then it is counted as such, but if it kept seperate then it isnt.

Inheritance rules in divorce are complicated but my understanding is that if it was paid to you, into an account in your name, then the only way it will be considered is in terms of your future financial needs. So if it was £11m say then you would get a less generous settlement as it would be considered enough for you to live on for the rest of your life. £11k would not make much difference, especially if he has a big pension for example, or his company is worth £££

Sorry for any typos....cant find my glasses!

Inheritances while married are considered as a marital asset if both parties needs require the same to meet capital or income needs.
Hiding things like this from a partner is, in my opinion, a betrayal.

If your instinct is not to tell him, don’t tell him. But be aware of the consequences - if he finds out, your decision on the marriage will be made for you.

As others have said, it is a good idea to clear the personal credit card debt, and I bet that will feel good. You’ll have to declare it of course if it comes to divorce for the courts to decide if it is split, but access to cash could come in extremely handy.

Just don't tell him.
I run my own little Etsy business and my Dh isn't aware of most of the money I've earned from it.

Mainly because when his family come running for help, it's always my bank that seems to be used. Because it's "our money anyway" f that.

Got a separate account he knows nothing of.
It's good.

I am sure inherited money is not counted if you split

My ExH tried to get the few thousand I inherited from my DPs included in my assets. My solicitor told me that if I had the money, it would count.

Because DM died intestate and my DB had been sectioned and wasn't able to sign the necessary legal documents, I couldn't access the money and the judge accepted that when I produced the letter from the hospital notifying me of DB's detention under the Mental Health Act.

Pay off debt and start squirrelling away the money you would have been paying off credit card into. Savings account.
I wouldn’t Want to have to share It in the split

@IAmReportingYouForBBQing

Get the cheque written into your daughters name and put it in her account. Then he can't touch it. Is yours to start again with

He can still touch this in the same way op can. Bad advice.

@ClosedAuraOpenMind
Ultimately assets in a marriage are joint. And he should have equal access to them as does op, even if intending to split.
However, I understand why op would want to do this. Personally, I'd get the cheque written into someone else's names she trusts. And perhaps in the short term buy premium bonds with them.

2014 article from a Scottish lawyer about inheritances www.btofamilylaw.co.uk/gifts-inheritance-who-gets-what-on-divorce-or-separation/

OP, I suggest you take advice from a solicitor, not random strangers on the internet

If indeed, inheritances are not classed as matrimonial property in Scotland, then (if you wish to keep it separate) it's best to have it in a separate account, and keep paperwork to demonstrate that this ££ is solely the inheritance money. If you put it in a joint account, or use it to pay debts, then it becomes murky. Remember though, those debts will still have to be paid at some point

Imagine the uproar if a man said that on here....🤦‍♀️ You must know YABU. If things aren’t great between you then leave but make sure to put it on your form E. Disgraceful.

@EmbarrassedUser

Imagine the uproar if a man said that on here....🤦‍♀️ You must know YABU. If things aren’t great between you then leave but make sure to put it on your form E. Disgraceful.

I agree the double standards are shocking. No way people on MN would think it was acceptable for a man to hide an inheritance

By the way, no Form E in Scotland........

Think of it this way. What if your husband also had a letter about an inheritance, say £50000 or more. Would you be happy that he had hidden it to prevent you accessing it in a divorce? I don't expect you would, and rightly so. It's not right. Pay off your debts and then you can try and save a bit on the side incase of emergencies. This sort of dishonesty will definitely be the end of your marriage.

How cross would you be if you found out he had hidden money from you and would you want half?
It sounds like he's being a bit of an ass but I don't think that warrants hiding the money. It'll likely be discovered anyway if you get a divorce and will not show you in a very positive light at all.
Why wouldn't you pay off your joint debt, it's ridiculous not to? If you want a clean start you won't get that with debt hanging over you.
What would hiding it achieve? He can't force you to share it if you don't want to unless it's legally decided he should have some following a divorce, which would likely happen whether you hide it or not.

It's not about hiding the inheritance. It's about protecting it from the stbx and preserving its intended purpose. Which is why in England and Scotland also it seems, an inheritance which is clearly demarcated is not put into the joint pot.
Yes it has to be declared (or presumably an equivalent in Scotland) but the financial settlement will attempt to reflect the intention of the bequeather.

I can see why you'd want to keep it for a fresh start, it makes sense. But for sure there would be an uproar on here if a man was talking about hiding money from his wife.