to not tell DH about inheritance

[ClosedAuraOpenMind]

so I know I probably ABU here...

found out today I'm due a small inheritance from DGF, which was surprising. £11k so nice but not life changing

I could probably use the cash to pay off some credit card debt, which is at a stupidly high interest rate, then we (me, DH and DD) could probably have a nice holiday, most likely next year I guess

but things with DH haven't been great through lockdown...

we're both key workers, but while I've been wfh and trying to coax a v reluctant DD to do some homeschooling, and countless other household tasks, he's been going out to work as normal, and I've had no support from him. in fact he often makes my like worse, arguing and antagonising DD about schoolwork, then going out to work leaving me trying to do my crazy busy full time job with a hysterical child

I've told myself I won't make any rash decisions during lockdown, and will see what happens at the end of it - although who knows when that would be

so, given I have no savings of my own, if I were to leave the £11k would come in handy, and could really help me and DD...

so WIBU to open a bank account, put the money in it, and not tell him?

I would have the executor of the estate keep the funds for you until you've made your decision. Don't put the asset in your name.

I assume you'd have to disclose the inheritance if you divorce, and though it may not be a matrimonial asset, it may be taken into account.

@SimonJT irrelevant whether she’d be happy about her husband doing it. So what? She’s not happy about the way he’s treating her or their child. Just because you don’t want something done to you, doesn’t mean you can’t do it yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Inheritance is treated differently from other savings and income. It’s yours, OP. It is not a marital asset, it is not “family money”.

To ensure that it doesn’t get mingled with other, shared finances, you should open a special account for it, and keep it separate.

And get legal advice!

Where do you live in the UK ? The law on this is different in England and Scotland.

Open an account .. take the 'no paper statements' option.. and keep the money there for you when you need access...

Im a great believer in keeping my finances private. Even when I lived with my parents as a young girl they never knew how much I earned as I opened an accommodation address and had all my mail sent there. I also had money my husband never knew about in the form of an inheritance.

Yabu you're either in or out. You'll need to work out a fair settlement in a divorce anyway and that just plain looks like asset hiding.

Pay off the debt. If you pay it into a joint account you don't need his agreement to withdraw it later anyway.

@Seeingadistance you cannot categorically say that inheritance is not a marital asset without knowing under which legal jurisdiction the OP lives.

Inheritance isn't a marital asset though in the UK. So you can put it in an account and decide later without issue.

Inheritance is treated differently from other savings and income. It’s yours, OP. It is not a marital asset, it is not “family money”.

That's mostly true, but the Court of Appeal has opined on the division of non matrimonial property.

If you are seriously thinking about leaving the partnership then this man is now your opponent and it's time to start looking after number one

Put it in an account on your name only - the way, whatever happens, he can't touch it.

If you dont want it considered in a divorce then you should seek legal advice and see if you would benefit from instigating a split now, before any money is paid to you.

@RealBecca that’s bad advice. Even if she is open about it, the minute she pays it into a joint account, she loses an element of the potential argument that it should not be considered a marital asset. By paying it into a JOINT account she if herself saying that she considers it a JOINT asset. That is bad.

Then if she pays it I’m, she can’t withdraw it if:

• he gets there first
• in hearing she intends to divorce, he tells the bank the joint account is in dispute and subject to divorce

If she doesn’t want to hide the asset, she should still keep it completely separate.

I don't want to hide the money if we split - and I don't know if that's what will happen yet. I think I'm just trying to think things through, and think about options

some interesting points - have to say I expected more of a flaming

we're in Scotland

Clea up the debt! Whatever happens after, whether you leave or stay, at least you don’t have a debt hanging over you.

yes, and I have about £5k credit card debt, which is in my name, which I plan to clear regardless

How old is your DD.

Open a new savings account. Interest rates are low, especially on easy access accounts but better than no interest at all. Keep it in your name and consider clearing any individual debts you have. He doesn't have to know for now.

Check Money Saving Expert website.

Absolutely YANBU. It means you're in a position to be able to leave if you decide to in future.

Keep it hidden. Because you are not in a position to earn a load of money, and you'll have children to pay for too - any maintenance he pays won't come even close to covering the costs. If you separate he will be able to keep most of the money he earns. If he's selfish he's not going to suddenly become mr generous if you split. Besides he's not taking on your debt is he? Or doing enough childcare so you can earn money.

You’re in Scotland? On legal matters (and I appreciate that your question was more a moral one) it is always worth mentioning that! Not because MN be England-centric through complacency, but because there are more English posters, so if you don’t say where you live, it’s going to be the assumption. In Scottish law it is generally much more likely that inheritance is not considered a marital asset.

How old is dd? Is she a strong student? Average?

If dd was struggling generally then try and find a way to keep her learning and gently moving forward. However if she was previously OK... Keeping head above water etc then don't reduce her to tears! Teachers will have to go back over everything anyway! Poor kid.

I think I'd be telling a man in your position that he has to tell his wife about the money and pay off debts but then should be free to spend or save the rest as he sees fit.

I wouldn't be telling him to hide it for himself.

DD is 9. Seems to do Ok when at school, but lockdown has been hard....she does know more about pokemon now though!