To ask ditherers whether they realise how annoying they are?

[SplunkPostGres]

Caveat - I know some people need extra time due to age, non visible disabilities etc....

But - if you hold queues up because despite waiting for 10 minutes plus you wait until you arrive at the serving point to choose what you want......or you appear surprised that you'll need to pay and start rooting through a huge bag for a purse etc

Are you aware how annoying this?

Just really curious as the woman who held the ice cream queue tonight, deliberately over the many flavours seemed completely oblivious to everyone waiting, the children getting antsy etc

Funnily enough have never needed to take annual leave to go shopping

Of course not. I was referring to your absurd advice that people leave earlier for appointments that are usually scheduled during many people's working hours. But sure, go ahead deliberately misunderstanding.

No deliberate misunderstanding just pointing out the absurdity of your comment that someone taking longer in a queue leads to taking annual leave and using up extra childcare

The slow walkers that annoy me most are the ones who walk very slowly down tube escalators, sometimes looking at their phone on the way.

Either stand on the right or walk down at a reasonable speed. Don’t try to fucking mix the two.

Come on, not everyone who dithers has a hidden ailment or is going through a crisis. Some people are by nature slow at responding/preparing. It does annoy me, most usually when their behaviour adversely impacts me, surely that’s a natural reaction? There’s good & bad in us all. Having someone start searching through their bag for their bus fare/travel card after getting on the bus, which they catch to work every day is incredibly frustrating. They’ve stood waiting for it, they know it’s coming, be ready!

You could always open the conversation by saying, "I'm sorry if you have an invisible illness or cognitive impairment that is making you take so long and seem unaware that others are waiting, but..." 😄

I don't think it's fair to get annoyed at dithering strangers, we all have moments when we're away with the fairies. But if you have friends or relatives who are ditherers (or as I call them, faffers) it is really annoying.

Faffism as a character trait should be an offence

It’s ignorant to assume your time is far more important than anyone else’s

I couldn’t agree more. Rude, selfish and inconsiderate, too.

So get your act together, stop dithering, get out of my way and stop wasting MY time.

The purse thing annoys the absolute shit out of me. How can people be so oblivious?!

Totally outing myself here to anyone that knows me, but when my son was about 5 or 6, he took so long deciding at the ice-cream van that it just drove away. You’d think that would teach him a lesson, but he’s now 26 and just as bad 😂😂

I'm totally with @AhBallix.

Yep it's annoying. It's the slapped fish look of shock they get that's enraging. After waiting in line at the checkout - "That's £10.50." "What??!? Money? Huh? ". Yes that's how shops work, we exchange money for goods!

And airports - sorry there is no excuse. There are signs everywhere and constant announcements. The security regulations came in 20 years ago meaning most people on the plane would have spent the majority, if not the entirety, of their adult lives with these regulations. It's just basic common knowledge at this point.

I used to work at McDonald's and you wouldn't believe the amount of people that waited for 10-15 minutes in line during the lunch rush, then got to the front and acted shocked "Oh! What do I want? Hmmmmm...". These people were there every week (some of them every day) yet at the counter they acted like they had never been to or even heard of the place before.

@AgeLikeWine and why is YOUR time more important than anyone else’s

Try online shopping

The dithers here seem to think it it is dithering v rushing. Just because you dont dither doesnt mean you are rushing
It's always the way on these sorts of threads. There couldn't possibly be a middle ground that most people fall into that's entirely reasonable.

Just take a look at the slow driving threads where people point out how frustrating it is to be stuck behind someone who refuses to make reasonable progress for the road and the conditions, doesn't go at empty roundabouts, slows down up to green lights, sits at 60 in the middle lane of a motorway.
There's always people declaring that they're just careful and much safer than all the speed freaks who love speeding and tailgating. There's bonus points available for variations of 'maybe you should set off earlier and stop being in such a rush if my presence on the road makes you irrationally angry and prone to road rage'. It couldn't be that most drivers fall into a broad middle group who aren't ditherers or speeders because to a ditherer anyone moving faster than them is a reckless speed freak.

Ditherers so often seem to have this awfully annoying habit of presenting themselves as victims of everyone else in society who must be impatiently in a rush because it could never be their actions showing lack of consideration.

@1300cakes do not get me started on the airport security queues!! I honestly think as well as a "family lane" and the "fast track" lane there should be lanes for people who are able/ willing to take their coat off and laptop out of their bag while standing in the queue. It's not rocket science and it's not beyond the abilities of most people! Drives me absolutely crazy, i don't know how the staff have such patience with them......liquids, oh maybe, now let me think if i packed any toiletries for my trip.....

But these threads are invariably started by someone who can't stand dithering/faffing/slow processing. They are actively pissed off, as opposed to passively irritated. They set up a premise where they consider it to be a problem, then everyone piles on to agree with varying degrees of outrage and contempt. It's human nature to come back with 'where's the bloody fire?' as some form of defence. All the people in the middle couldn't give a toss because they've either forgotten all about the annoying person who caused them to wait in the queue an extra couple of minutes two weeks last Monday, or they don't mind being kept waiting. It's reasonable enough to get irritated by having to wait a while, but it's not particularly reasonable to be angry/impatient to the point of implosion like some posters on here.

But these threads are invariably started by someone who can't stand dithering/faffing/slow processing. They are actively pissed off, as opposed to passively irritated
Many AIBU threads are people having a rant about life's irritations. Are they all 'actively pissed off' too?

It's more like someone shares something that's irritated them in life, other people acknowledge that it's bloody infuriating at times and then a few people show up with whataboutery to excuse whatever someone is irritated by.

See also, someone is annoyed that their manager / father in law / random person in life was rude to them. Most people sympathise and share irritation at certain rude behaviour and then a minority of people show up to say 'maybe they have autism, maybe it's dementia, whatabout all these issues that might mean they weren't actually rude at all, you lot are so intolerant of neurodiversity'. It's quite clearly people being annoyed at rude behaviour.

I do this. All of this. I'm disorganised and I honestly try to get it all together but I think the panic of not wanting to hold people up makes me worse!!!

I hear you! I work for a bank and when people ring through they are genuinely surprised we need account details from them to access their accounts, they also are a little surprised when we don’t know the balance straight away without said details or us passing them through identification?

I have to travel on the rail system early in the morning.

I see the same people every weekday morning.

Without fail, the people who drive me nuts are the two ditherers.

One guy, at the main station I pass through has the same rucksack every day. I look out for it.

He gets up close to the bank of ticket barriers, effectively blocking two or three at a time, scrolling through his phone for his e-ticket, before finding it and letting himself through.

At the smaller destination station I work near, the woman who drives me nuts is also a ticket finder.

The smaller station has four barriers - three small and one wide.

Without fail. WITHOUT FAIL she almost sprints out of the door of the train like it's a starting pistol, takes the stairs two at a time, ignores multiple signs to get our tickets and passes ready, as she power marches up to the ticket hall.

Every bloody morning, I get up to the ticket hall to see her fishing through one of two huge tote bags, which she won't take off her shoulders, so she's effectively trying to fish around beside and behind herself to find her pass.

Depending on her contortions, I can sometimes get to the wide gate, but have to wait, as it counts down before letting me through, sidle past and get through the nearest narrow gate or some days I have to wait until she finally gets her pass and tries to squeeze through one of the narrow gates.

Twats. The pair of them.

Depends on the situation really. I am disabled myself and can be a bit slow at times at things like extricating money from my purse (arthritic fingers) or packing my bags at the checkout. I find it hugely stressful if someone behind is tutting and sighing impatiently. But I do make efforts to be prepared,e.g. by having my purse and bags ready.
On the other hand,I do get irritated by people who get on a bus then decide to start hunting through their bag or numerous pockets for their pass,when they've probably been stood at the bus stop for several minutes. Likewise,people who stop dead in shop doorways to look at something,causing a pile up behind them,or the ones who dither at the top or bottom of an escalator while they decide which direction they're going in.

MOH is a ditherer in restaurants. He knows exactly what he wants cos it's his fave dish there but he still stares into space when the waiter comes for our order and erms and ahs - it drives me so mad! It's disrespectful and embarrassing. I make him say what he's having before we're asked and then I order. I don't know why he does it as he's not usually a ditherer (unless it's a control thing and he gets a buzz out of keeping the lad waiting?).

What does MOH stand for
@lifestooshort123? I thought it was Maid of Honour but saw you were referring to a male . It’s not something I’ve come across on MN before!

I’m guessing My Other Half?

If you aren't affecting anyone else, dither to your heart's content, that doesn't bother me. It's not the dithering that gets me, it's the outrage when other people want to carry on with their lives around the ditherer instead of giving way to them.

I mean the people who get to the stop of the escalator and are then furious at the rudeness of all of these people who keep pushing into them (because the fucking escalator is still moving and they are blocking the exit).

Or the people in the supermarket outraged about people overtaking them with less than two metres distance, when most people have popped in for a pint of milk and the ditherer has spent twenty minutes reading the back of every tin on the shelf. How entitled do you have to be to think that everyone else should form a queue behind you until you are done inspecting the baked beans and are ready to move onto the crisps?

Or the couples who stroll, hand in hand, down narrow pavements, clothes-lining anyone coming the other way or up behind them. No, we are not the rude ones here, asking you to move over. It is you, you inconsiderate antisocial arseholes taking up the entire pavement and refusing to let anyone past you.