To ask ditherers whether they realise how annoying they are?

[SplunkPostGres]

Caveat - I know some people need extra time due to age, non visible disabilities etc....

But - if you hold queues up because despite waiting for 10 minutes plus you wait until you arrive at the serving point to choose what you want......or you appear surprised that you'll need to pay and start rooting through a huge bag for a purse etc

Are you aware how annoying this?

Just really curious as the woman who held the ice cream queue tonight, deliberately over the many flavours seemed completely oblivious to everyone waiting, the children getting antsy etc

When you're criticised and belittled for making the smallest mistake by parents and abusive partners it can be really hard to make a decision and can lead to a lot of uncertainty and a bit of dithering.
@Mummyoflittledragon yes I do know what you mean. I've found being an adult and having to make so many daily decisions quite overwhelming and I've made so many wrong ones in the past.
Thank you for giving me a bit of insight into that (see, I couldn't even work that out for myself!)

There are lots of lots of different reasons for people to dither but I know a ditherer who also runs late and the truth is they, at least, really don't give a shit and won't be rushed despite being the first to complain about others dithering.

You know what I really hate: mean people who assume that people who do things in a different way than they would do it are stupid or selfish. Perhaps it's a good idea to concentrate on one thing at a time. Perhaps it's nice to have a chat to the people serving you. Perhaps it's not particularly clever to know what you're doing in airports as opposed to someone who flies infrequently. Perhaps it's nice to chat to the person you're eating with rather than looking at the menu immediately. Perhaps the "ditherers" are in jobs that require a considered response rather than a half arsed that'll do type job. And it's definitely mean and intolerant to huff and tut at someone who is a little flustered.

If someone is in your way, then ask them to move politely. If you've only got 30 minutes for lunch then don't pretend that you have enough time to go to the shop and then blame someone else in the queue.

It's not necessarily about hidden disabilities, but it's about not judging someone because you have no idea what they're going through and appreciating our differences. Be kind.

I've worked checkouts and it's incredibly frustrating when people aren't ready to pack/pay or are on their phone. I work in an office now and the number of people who call up for a phone number or reference number but don't have a pencil and paper to hand. I'm sorry I hang up whilst they go off for the necessary and when they call back tell them we must have been cut off

I recall a friends mum in primary school being the ultimate dithered. We were at some sort of charity sale and she was standing for what seemed like an hour choosing between two almost identical items (think one with pink flowers, one with blue flowers). I must have been about six at the time, but said “they’re 20p why not just buy them both.

Reversible you could turn it round and say it's unkind to keep someone waiting who may be in pain standing in a queue or be in a hurry or may have a weak bladder. Being kind and considerate is also about thinking about those around you and not just yourself.

I had some excellent ditherers in asda the other day.
Following one way system as required.
They stopped at birthday cards. Fair enough.
They (two of them, young adult girls) left their trolley in the middle of the aisle. Then started browsing.
I had young dd with me. She has outgrown her shoes. Had to try some on.
We overtook the card buyers. Didn't really fancy standing around while they read every single one.
We went on the other side of their trolley, straight past, very quickly.
One of them muttered "that wasnt 2 metres "
While they were blocking the aisle. Not sure what else we were supposed to do?
We were not waiting around for however long they took choosing a card.
We were as far away as possible, given their trolley and the way they were standing.

See also people who spend ages trying on clothes, asking your opinion and then buys them but takes them back.

Yes, I was turning it round. Most people on this thread were thinking only of themselves in a hurry, not the person in their way and I would say that generally (not always) the ditherers are likely to be more vulnerable: older, more anxious, more on their plate. Perhaps they need some consideration. I expect that they know that they are slower, but the huffing doesn't help in the same way that my parallel parking suddenly goes to pot when someone is watching.
I just thought the thread was unkind.

Some people find it hard to make choices, I've been known to be unable to decide what to order that after ordering for the family I've ended up going without.
Doesn't help I can't see til I get right up close even with glasses.
Probably linked to years of abuse from childhood and my marriage as pp have pointed out.
I assure you it is more annoying to live with than to be behind in a queue every so often.

It is really quite insignificant in the scheme of life particularly after the lockdown. Maybe cut them a bit of slack. Yes they can be annoying but ..

@Reversiblesequinsforadults
I think most of the comments here are probably about obvious ditherers.
Have we to analyse every single person for anxiety, illness etc ?
The woman I encountered today knew what she was doing as she looked at the unhappy ppl in the queue and did nothing to hurry up and the child was faffing and getting in her way, she could easily have said step aside.

I’m getting annoyed just reading about ditherers

A few posts in and I totally agree! Bloody ditherers 😡

No, you don't have to analyse everyone and please don't - just don't assume that people are trying to annoy you on purpose or looking to control the situation and have some bloody patience.

Not sure if this is a proper ditherer!but when in a traffic queue and one driver will create a huge gap for No reason whatsoever and then piddle along at walking speed making sure they take up a central position so nobody can overtake.
If you are this driver...stop it!!!!

Help up the ice-cream queue!! Noooo! Call the cops!! Children getting antsy. Lol

Maybe time to learn a bit of patience yourself OP as you seem to be the common denominator. If parents can't teach their kids to wait in a queue, whose job is it then?

Stop blaming "ditherers". I bet you've dithered at some point.

I knew a woman who was a ditherer. I remember going to the supermarket with both my small children and running around doing a week's shop - when I got to the toothpaste aisle she was there looking at the ingredients in the toothbrush boxes - when we were leaving the shop I glanced at that aisle and she was still there, looking at the boxes - we'd done a full shop in the time it'd taken her to find the right toothpaste. God knows what she was looking for.

I confessed upthread to being something of a ditherer. I spoke with some degree of self-deprecating humour. I am not, however, selfish, stupid, always late or controlling (eh?)

In fact, I'm deeply embarrassed by how difficult it is for me to make choices about the the most basic things and I am ashamed of my inability to be on top of things which seem to come easily to others. I really can't help it, I am definitely not trying to ruin your day. You're really not that important.

I hate it when people dont have their purse/ wallet ready when paying for something, or ask lots of questions at checkout when they should ask for another member of staff- not at checkout- for help.
For example just before lockdown was queuing to pay for item of clothing ( during my lunch break) the lady in front paid for a coat, then said actually can I try on the other one just to be sure? Rather than take it to one side she held the whole queue up trying decide between the coat she'd just bought and another identical one, she then swapped the fur trim on the hood over and back again to make sure she had the best coat and the best hood trim combination both her and the sales assistant seemed competely oblivious to me and the other people in the queue waiting to be served at the only available cash point 😠

Oh god I hate it. There’s a woman who works in my local post office who is an terrible ditherer. I have to use the PO most days and my heart sinks when she’s behind the counter.

She honestly takes 10x longer than the other staff there to do any kind of transaction. I’ll be stood in the queue holding heavy parcels watching her stick labels on as slowly as possible, open the till and stare at it for 10 seconds before doing anything, insisting on circling tracking numbers on receipts and explaining to each and every customer how tracking works, even though this is a very small town and she knows fine well who posts regularly there and already knows this shit. It’s painful.

@Soubriquet

Oh it infuriates me when there’s a huge queue, and yet they get to the checkout, wait for everything to be scanned before trying to find their purse and card/money.

Seriously, have it ready!!

I'm not a ditherer, but I don't get this. How do you get your purse 'ready' if you're packing? I'm not going to get it out and leave it on the side ready, I pack as it's scanned, and get my purse out when im told the total?

My OH thinks I'm a ditherer, until I point out that I haven't been thinking for the past half hour about whether there is anything I would like from Tesco so the question requires a little consideration.

I was once in the queue at the checkout behind a family group of three, who firstly stood at the end of the conveyor watching their shopping get further and further away until I had to ask them to move forwards so I could unload my own, then secondly after paying decided that the end of the bagging area just where I needed my trolley to go was the appropriate place for a conversation. I had to ask them again to please get out of the way. Some people just don't have the sense they were born with

And then there was the woman holding everyone up because a yellow discount label wouldn't scan properly... I almost offered to give her the 75p myself if it meant I got home the same day.

Perhaps she was buying ice creams for several other people - so they didn’t have to queue in front of you.
Was there a sign up with available flavours or could she only see once she reached the counter?

To those people saying everyone should just be more patient, yes, in an ideal world we would have all day to spend standing in a queue or waiting while someone else gets their stuff together but that's not realistic is it? We all need to share the space and everybody needs to learn to rub along, thinking of people other than themselves. I doubt there are many people who would get cross if someone with a disability or condition was struggling with something which held them up by moments. That's not what people are talking about on here though, is it? Fairly obviously. People can't wait to point out that we must hate everyone with a disability because we don't want to be held up by someone deciding to have a long chat at the front of the queue or ask the waiter endless unnecessary questions when everybody else is about to eat their own arms. Not everyone who dithers has a disability. I'm sure not all of them are deliberately selfish and/or attention seeking. But some actually are, and those are the ones the OP and PP are talking about. It's quite tedious when every thread, including ones where a caveat has been written, has to descend into berating others for not being accepting of people with disabilities. And I say that as someone with one myself.

*You know what I really hate: mean people who assume that people who do things in a different way than they would do it are stupid or selfish. Perhaps it's a good idea to concentrate on one thing at a time. Perhaps it's nice to have a chat to the people serving you. Perhaps it's not particularly clever to know what you're doing in airports as opposed to someone who flies infrequently. Perhaps it's nice to chat to the person you're eating with rather than looking at the menu immediately. Perhaps the "ditherers" are in jobs that require a considered response rather than a half arsed that'll do type job. And it's definitely mean and intolerant to huff and tut at someone who is a little flustered.

If someone is in your way, then ask them to move politely. If you've only got 30 minutes for lunch then don't pretend that you have enough time to go to the shop and then blame someone else in the queue.

It's not necessarily about hidden disabilities, but it's about not judging someone because you have no idea what they're going through and appreciating our differences. Be kind*

Agreed.