To ask ditherers whether they realise how annoying they are?

[SplunkPostGres]

Caveat - I know some people need extra time due to age, non visible disabilities etc....

But - if you hold queues up because despite waiting for 10 minutes plus you wait until you arrive at the serving point to choose what you want......or you appear surprised that you'll need to pay and start rooting through a huge bag for a purse etc

Are you aware how annoying this?

Just really curious as the woman who held the ice cream queue tonight, deliberately over the many flavours seemed completely oblivious to everyone waiting, the children getting antsy etc

We used to go out with a guy who was like this in restaurants.

We once went to a place that had only 2 starters and 3 mains on the menu.

Soup and something else like pate for starters

Then Beef, fish or vegetarian for main.

He didn’t like fish and wasn’t keen on anything vegetarian. He liked beef.
It would seem a no brainer.

It must have taken him 15 minutes for him to decide once he had asked all sorts of questions about the ingredients.

We had even sent him the menu to have a look at before we got there

In the end we stopped going out with him because it gave us the rage. We were all hungry and wanted food and he was wondering whether to have late or soup

It wasn’t as though it was a special occasion and he was never going back to the place again. He went there at least once per month.

I've got to say though I've never quite understood the "rifling through your bag for your purse" thing. If you have a bag in one hand and a basket in the other, how are you supposed to get your purse out before you get to the till and can put things down? That is actually one thing that doesn't annoy me.

Put your purse somewhere where you know where it is, i.e. a zipped pocket, etc - not just under all the other junk in your over-sized handbag.

It is very annoying

People who get on the bus and spend 20 mins interrogating the driver about the route, Or don’t have their fare or means of paying ready even though they have been standing at the bus stop for ages.

I can't stand them. I just. Cannot. Stand. Them.

Except I have very little patience and will happily reach across them or say something like 'Yeah that's very interesting but can you move along please' if someone's having an extended chat with the cashier, having already paid for their shopping.

Oh well this thread has made me realise that although I am really impatient, I am not quite as impatient as some people

There are different types of ditterers ime. My MIL always goes to a counter to buy things and "forgets" something and goes back into the main shop area to get it holding up the entire queue. She is v selfish and controlling and imo does it on purpose to make herself feel important.

Another colleague never brings the trolley to the aldi packaway section. Waits to get to a counter before reaching for money because she has a high opinion of herself.

Another friend dithers because she cant seem to manage two things at once. Its not intentional amd I think she would be upset if she thought she was annoying people.

Not enough time to shop? Do it another time. Late for an appointment? Leave earlier

It is quite simple really

This is just getting absurd now. Do you not have a job or a family? Do you actually have all day where the only thing you need to worry about is going shopping or go to an appointment?

Absolutely ridiculous that everybody else should use up more annual leave, pay extra for a childminder, spend an entire afternoon away from their children, just because some people can't be more considerate and respectful of other's time. Listen to yourself and whether what you are suggesting is really workable in the real world.

Since lockdown I only take my credit card holder with me when I go shopping. I keep it in my jeans pocket or in one of my own carrier bags so it doesn’t take long to find.

Dithering annoys me too.
What also annoys me is that there's always whataboutery to explain why anyone who wishes to go through life at an average page must be some sort of impatient, selfish, rush person who is always in a hurry.

It's not selfish or rushing to expect people who've stood in a security queue at an airport and walked past all the signs to realise they too need to go through security, and they too need to do something about the 500ml bottle of shampoo they're carrying without asking millions of questions to the security staff. 🤦‍♀️

Why should the onus be on everyone else to accommodate dithererers? Part of getting on in society is consideration for others and that goes in all directions.

Yep, ditherers are incredibly irritating. Ditherers, procrastinators, people who have conversations in doorways.....just get the fuck on with things and stop getting in the way!!!

Um, has anyone mentioned slow walkers yet?

If more parents did it we wouldn’t end up with adults that can’t cope waiting a few extra minutes for those who might take longer for whatever reason.

If more parents taught their children to be forward thinking and mindful of others, we wouldn't have people reaching the front of the queues and then starting rummaging for tickets, money etc.

As you people of self check out who scan the whole shop, don't bag it and then decide once they've paid to faff about with getting it into bags...... very sloooooowly!

I dont mind slow walkers unless they're walking several people abreast and totally blocking the path.

I do object to people on the phone meandering from side to side on the pavement so you can't get past and don't hear you saying excuse me.

The OP was addressed to ditherers, asking if they realise how annoying they are. As a self-confessed, self-aware ditherer, I answered the question. Not too many people have made a similar admission. That could either be because a) there aren't that many of us, so everyone else is getting worked up (and very nasty) about something that only happens now and then, or b) they are too embarrassed to admit it because of all the spite and vitriol expressed on here.

All you non ditherers - YOU ARE AMAZING!

Sorry if you missed the compliment - you'll be off doing something very important, at great speed. Yay, go you.

Ditherers don't particularly annoy me, rushers don't if they're polite about it.

The ones who do annoy me are the ones who take it out on me because I'm the one serving, and they're frustrated at a ditherer and therefore feel it's appropriate to have a go at me because they get away with that and will even have me apologising on behalf of someone else who I have zero control over, because they might actually be held to account if they have a go at the person actually causing the hold up.

Regularly get sent away from tables to allow one person in a group more time to choose, then get told that the service was slow 🤔

But then I guess I'm in one of those roles that doesn't need a lot of intelligence to do? Obviously it's absolutely impossible to have intelligence if it's not needed for your job, because obviously your job defines everything about you. Forever.

Ditherers don't particularly annoy me, rushers don't if they're polite about it.

The ones who do annoy me are the ones who take it out on me because I'm the one serving, and they're frustrated at a ditherer and therefore feel it's appropriate to have a go at me because they get away with that and will even have me apologising on behalf of someone else who I have zero control over, because they might actually be held to account if they have a go at the person actually causing the hold up.

Regularly get sent away from tables to allow one person in a group more time to choose, then get told that the service was slow 🤔

But then I guess I'm in one of those roles that doesn't need a lot of intelligence to do? Obviously it's absolutely impossible to have intelligence if it's not needed for your job, because obviously your job defines everything about you. Forever.

Oh god walker dithering

I don’t mind as long as they stay in one position!

I speed up to try and over take and they suddenly swerve to the side I’m about to go by. I switch to go to the other side...so do they!!

Fgs, walk in a line. Swerve a little if you can’t walk straight but don’t go all over!

Oh the slow walkers! Often to be seen with their slow walking pal taking up the width of the pavement. I especially love the ones who have to stop dead in front of you because they can’t walk and talk at the same time!

I'm a ditherer by nature, though I try hard to counter it.

It comes from perfectionism, not selfishness - deep down I'm convinced there must be a right or best answer, and worry a lot about getting it 'wrong', especially if it's for other people, and hate to close down options - for example, when I'm making a birthday cake for one of the DCs, my instinct is to read recipe after recipe after recipe to find the perfect buttercream, or try to make a couple to see which is best, even though logically I know that I've made good buttercream with the recipes I have, and that my kids honestly won't care. Same thing goes if I'm choosing ham for my DH from the deli. I am fully aware it's a bit mad, and people in my work life would be shocked as i find ways to counter it with lots of self-imposed early deadlines and setting lots of timers. It is a huge stress though.

On the other hand, something I notice in my fellow ditherers is that as a group, we're usually good at seeing the greys of a situation and appreciating the benefits of multiple options... even though the decisive, fast walking and quick-paying bunch, like my mum and my DSis, are better to order dinner with and are definitely the ones who end up running the world and making more things happen. Perhaps we need all sorts, and it would be nice to take a moment and let people be different?

See, the ditherers blocking aisles now we socially distance.

I've found it quite liberating since I've had CV and therefore am not carrying it and am more than likely immune.

I give the ditherer sometime but too long, and I point out that I'm going to grab whatever it is I want and its up to them if they move out of the way,

Its amazing how quickly you can clear an aisle.

I had he same approach before I got CV, by the way as I was no overly bothered about catching it. Its just now I can amuse myself.

The dithers here seem to think it it is dithering v rushing. Just because you dont dither doesnt mean you are rushing

Yes, well, recycle, I am making assumptions. I am assuming the ditherer-haters are in a hurry, in the same way that they assume I'm being, selfish, stupid or (bizarrely) controlling.

just because you dont dither doesnt mean you are rushing

No, it usually means that you are being efficient with your time, either because you have a lot to fit in, somewhere to be by X time or simply don't want to waste time doing the boring things when you could be saving it for something more enjoyable.

After God knows how long of me waiting politely while the man stared at the limited selection of wraps in Asda clearly unable to make a decision because they didn't have the ones his wife had told him to buy, I had to ask him to step aside so I could pick up the ones I had decided to make do with and get on with the rest of my shopping.

@Ohtherewearethen yes I work full time, have two children and various voluntary work. So yes live very much in the real world

Funnily enough have never needed to take annual leave to go shopping