To ask ditherers whether they realise how annoying they are?

[SplunkPostGres]

Caveat - I know some people need extra time due to age, non visible disabilities etc....

But - if you hold queues up because despite waiting for 10 minutes plus you wait until you arrive at the serving point to choose what you want......or you appear surprised that you'll need to pay and start rooting through a huge bag for a purse etc

Are you aware how annoying this?

Just really curious as the woman who held the ice cream queue tonight, deliberately over the many flavours seemed completely oblivious to everyone waiting, the children getting antsy etc

Wretched people getting on buses where my dd lives, so often don’t have money ready and can’t find their effing purse, even though they’ve been waiting maybe 15 minutes , so it takes forever for 10 people to get on, Grrrrrr!

Why they don’t all do the same as London - NO CASH! - Oyster type card/bus pass/contactless only, I just do not know. Would save so much time.

My partner can be like this. I see it as part of his overall lack of self awareness.

I am feeling quite self conscious in supermarkets atm re picking things up and examining them and putting them back down. I've got food allergies and need to check ingredient lists a lot of the time.

A Caffè Nero has opened up for takeaway near me, reasonably long queue but happy to wait. When I was next but one the guy in front (full cyclist get up) was served and then rummaged around for his phone, started scrolling through all his many apps, got the Nero one eventually then faffed around a bit more looking to pay and get his stamp. He’s been waiting the same time as me, nothing to do but scratch his lycra clad balls, but the payment for the coffee was obviously a surprise to him.

Can’t stand ditherers!! They really, really irritate me....I can feel the rage when they start fussing over getting their purse out...chatting to the check out person.....purse placed carefully into bag.....bag zipped....put on cross-body style....adjusting their hood to accommodate bag.....another word to the checkout person before finally, finally going on their way rejoicing....Grrrr!!!!!

Maybe the parents of the children getting “antsy” need to teach them some patience rather than attempting to allow said ditherers to do it.

It's a control thing

Interesting point. My dad's MIL does this - she's 93. Drives her daughter crazy and then they start arguing loudly - because they are both hard of hearing. It gets MIL a lot of attention.

Teaching children patience.

PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

It was because I was brought up by a narcissistic parent and I had very few rights. Consequently I often didn’t know I was allowed to make decisions. I didn’t know I was allowed in a public library on my own for example. I didn’t know how to say no to someone. Really really basic things.

I find it so difficult to make decisions as I also had very controlling parents. I find it particularly difficult when eating out, as a child I never had the opportunity to choose my own food or state a preference. There is too much choice on a restaurant menu for me and sometimes I find it quite distressing when I eat out.

The saddest thing for me is that I didn't know I was allowed to tell my children I love them.

Sorry, bit of a lightbulb moment for me.

If she had been face to face I would have bitten her.

That made me laugh

@MorrisZapp

Teaching children patience.

PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

If more parents did it we wouldn’t end up with adults that can’t cope waiting a few extra minutes for those who might take longer for whatever reason.

If you think you can’t teach your child(ren) to be patient you need to re-evaluate the way you parent.

Dithering irritates the life out of me. However I have a good friend who appears to dither simply because she cannot talk and do anything whatsoever at the same time. So if she is making a cup of tea (eg) then I know not to speak at all until it’s ready otherwise I would die of thirst, as she stops the process each time she speaks.

The people who I know are ditherers are also not very bright. Not necessarily stupid but they are not working in roles where much intelligence is needed.

Had this with a silly woman in Sainsbury’s earlier. It was a small store, only 2 self checkout tills open and a queue of people waiting to pay. She took 10 minutes to pay for her sandwich and drink, as she was faffing with the contents of her stuffed handbag and trying to Tetris the 2 things in.

She then refused to leave the tills and effectively blocked the one she just used, because there was a person using the other available till (he was waiting for staff to authorise his alcohol purchase). She purposely wanted him to leave the till first for “social distancing” reasons and wanted to wait until he paid etc. It didn’t occur to her to ask him to move to the side, or to leave the way she entered the tills. Staff asked her what she was playing at.

She tried to push the point of social distancing whilst blocking herself in a packed, small indoor space. It would have been safer to just leave ASAP surely

Maybe I’ll start a thread about how annoying people are who attribute arbitrary moral values to others’ actions.

Of course, people who take longer to make decisions than you would like must be doing it ‘for control’. Just like people who are late regularly ‘value their time more than everyone else’s.’ Doesn’t it make you really miserable to walk around assuming everyone who doesn’t behave as you would like is doing so maliciously?

We’re a varied species. Some of us are good at decisions, some of us struggle, some of us daydream, some of us move fast, some of us disregard others, some of us agonise over what others think and will replay the person who huffed behind them in the queue all evening, some of us think if they have waited in the queue they can have a brief chat with the server at the end, we annoy each other and we delight each other in different ways and for different reasons 🤷🏼‍♀️

Haha, I always notice that in queues where you can see the options while you're waiting yet wait until you're at the till to decide. Baffling isn't it

What I also find really weird about ditherers is whether they consider the fact that if everyone was like them life would be a complete nightmare and nothing would get done.

Are ditherers generally very patient people or ironically are they actually very impatient?

I also think that dithering correlates with lateness. People who are late are not always ditherers but I would say ditherers are also nearly always people who are late.

Pre-lockdown, I got chatting to a very old lady in front of me in Aldi.
She was raving about the price savings, but was a bit confused about the packing policy.
Cashier gently explained "put in trolley, go to bench".
A lovely young man appeared from nowhere & helped her.

The saddest thing for me is that I didn’t know I was allowed to tell my children I love them.

@0blio
That has broken my heart.

I’d had some therapy by the time I’d had dd. I was never told I was loved. I never knew what unconditional love until I was an adult. I am sure you can understand.

@MrsGrindah

Me too Unexpected phrase.

I fucking hate ditherers too!

posted too soon.
Recently, she was demanding to know where was the lovely young man

Another example - people who can't decide in restaurants then forget what they've ordered.

I have normally been looking at the menu all day dreaming about it and know exactly what I want...

My dad has a saying "some people don't know if they want a shit or a haircut"

I dither making decisions because of past abuse and terrible anxiety about making the wrong choice (as I used to get punished for any mistakes). I am a label reader because of various allergies in the family. I am also late often despite my best efforts (I was always punctual before I had kids). I am not controlling, my time is not more valuable than anybody else's, I have only good intentions but I struggle with lots of things HTH

They don't know because they don't care about anyone other than themselves.

Oh it infuriates me when there’s a huge queue, and yet they get to the checkout, wait for everything to be scanned before trying to find their purse and card/money.

Seriously, have it ready!!