To ask if you think 25 is too old to live at home

[User37372]

Pays rent and helps with households chores. Is this socially acceptable or is it the age where people start to
Judge someone for living at home?

I then bought a flat at 23, that isn't possible now for most kids.
I wouldn't say most because it depends on the area. It is very much possible for someone young and at the beginning of their careers to buy a house, let alone flat outside of the city centre, but very near, where I am.

This is a big problem imo when talking about affordability. Areas. People, and news, should really say they speak about x and y areas, because like this young people everywhere hear how they will "never be able to afford to buy unless on 40k each and deposit of 60k", but that's not truth for large parts of the country. It just demotivates even the ones who could easily buy by themselves on 20k with 4k deposit. And it won't be a falling down hellhole in the worst neighbourhood. I've met people who genuinely thought they will never be able to buy because news told them that. Checking rightmove and using bank mortgage calculators was really eye opening for them.

I’m 27 and lots of my friends have lived at home for a bit- nobody’s stayed there continuously but lots have pinged back between jobs, after a breakup, coming back from working abroad, etc. I’ve never moved back since I went to uni but that’s because my mum and I have a difficult relationship at times. I think it must be nice to have that sort of support and to get on with your parents.

Cost of living definitely comes into it too. My friends who live in London generally have gone home at some point whereas most of my Northern friends have rented or even bought

I've not looked at London but where I was in my early twenties flats started at about 2/3 of my pay and houseshares at least 1/3. There wasn't a lot of choice and you'd often end up with long term unemployed people whose lifestyles weren't easy.

When I graduated I just assumed I'd be with my parents for a couple of months at most until I found a job. I figured I could do things like meetup and volunteering to help meet people in a similar situation who might want to become housemates but it didn't work out.

Yes I think it's too old. I left as soon as possible in my teens. All ours left before 25 and all have their own homes now (all but one with a mortgage)
I think it made them grow up quicker than those who stayed at parents home with no plans or urgency to move out.
I think it's better for their parents too. Nothing sadder than a Mum or dad overly involved/interfering in their grown up kids lives. I know a woman like this, her ds was pretty sensible and had a good job etc but the fuss she made about anything he did festivals, holidays with mates, girlfriends, drinking etc. He left at 20 he'd just had enough of her breathing down his neck.

Given the cost of rent or buying nowadays, I wouldn’t think it’s too old at all.
However they should certainly be contributing a reasonable amount to household costs, which parents can save for them, if they don’t need it.

Worst scenario IMO is living rent free at home, spending all the money they’d otherwise need for rent, food and bills, and saving nothing, or sod all.
Parents who go along with it are not doing them any favours at all.

If it is temporary in order to save for a deposit then I think it’s fine. If it’s a long term plan with no intention of leaving I don’t think it is.

Leaving your parent’s house younger and being financially independent is an important lesson everyone needs to learn. I left to live abroad at 23 for 2 years and haven’t lived at home since (now 30). I know a lot of under and over 30’s who still live at home and won’t be leaving any time soon.

There are a number of reasons why someone might live with their parents. Money. Breakdown of a relationship resulting in needing somewhere to move to at short notice. Support, whether physical or emotional - some young adults may need parental support or vice versa the parent may have issues and need support. Some people live with their parents until the parents die. I don’t really see a problem with it.

The plus side is that DH and I ended up with a good deposit that stretched even further when we relocated. Paying much less on the mortgage than we would have on rent.

The downside was 5 years socially stagnating and it's given me a really negative attitude towards work.

I think in this day & age and financial climate it's pretty acceptable as long as the DC aren't taking the piss. Most of my friends left at some point in their 20s, usually early to mid 20s- a combination of financial viability and geography usually kicked in. When I was at home, I did have quite a bit done for me, but it was more due to me working long hrs & getting home late. My mum a) felt for me b) is quite dominant and bc is at home all day so did whatever needed doing in the day. She didn't want me coming in and clanking about with stuff when she was settled. I did pitch in as much as I could though.

I boomeranged between 16-25/,6. Boarding school, uni, year out with voluntary work, post grad... coming and going with a plan to be out properly and moving in with then BF by 23. Instead I had a set back in life at 23, a few months of paralysing shock and nothingness and starting from the bottom with a very badly paid job. I couldn't afford to leave home on my wages round here & I was in no state to be away from family! Went into rental a month after my 26th, when I finally earned enough. Bought my 1st place in Jan this year & I'm 30 this week. Did a month at home in Dec due to contracts for rental & purchase not lining up & no wish to do it again, as much as I love my family. We love each other and I have a lot of space & laissez faire but I missed my autonomy. Now my home is my own and I no longer share, I feel much more able to host, too.

Of the people I know still at home, my bf is 29 and similarly has boomeranged thanks to uni, time out, moving for work & a costly set back but is saving to leave properly now. I don't judge that. It's hard. A friend has a mid 30s brother who has struggled with decently paid work (free-lance sound engineer). Family are wealthy & he "is responsible" for their large London home whilst his parents live abroad 90% of the time. They are fortunate in their set up. Another family friend is at home in his 40s with an inherited a stake in his parents house from his GPs. I think he feels both blessed & cursed. They're happy and I don't judge the set up, they're lovely but I think he'd be happier in a relationship, living with a partner... but what to do about the family house.

The only person I judge for still being at home is my immediate ex. He is 30 and claims it makes financial sense to be at home despite a £££ Hampshire-London commute on top of insane hrs. He gets nearly everything done for him at home so rarely lifts a finger, and although he does pay housekeeping, the current arrangement frees up the bulk of his cash to fritter on luxury goods for himself and feed his self image. There's always a reason why he hasn't found a house share or moved in with mates. Mostly so he can continue buying big ticket items to look the big man. He earns reasonable money/could get by out on his own.

I think it's normal but I definitely couldn't do it, stayed at home for uni then moved out at 21, like PPs have said if they're acting like adults and contributing to the household, helping with housework and doing their own thing and have a plan that's fine. BIL is 27 and lives at home, pays rent but doesn't do any housework and his mum does all the cooking and his washing, I cringe just thinking about it. He has a long term girlfriend and a good job and have saved a deposit but still haven't bought anywhere. I think they both get it too easy at home and they're quite immature in some ways

My DH was mid 30's and still living at home when we started dating. He had a property which he rented out, his parents house is quite large , and he worked away a lot; so it suited everyone. Of course it meant he spent all his time at mine, which was fine, as he paid his fair share towards expenses. He did come into a bit of teasing (especially from my DB) at the time though.

I used to think so, but not now, and I can't see ds being gone by October!!

30s and still living at my mum's place, I "boomeranged" straight back after university. But then as she's become older and more infirm I've ended up being her carer now. Which is a factor in me staying in a job that's low paid because they're fine with flexible working.

I pay my share of rent and bills and do most of the cooking and cleaning and a decent chunk of the "life admin".

I think it's becoming increasingly common due to the price of houses / rent compared to the average salary, plus anyone who's been to university is probably saddled with thousands of £ worth of debt. I think I moved out when I was 26 BUT i'd already been to away to uni and moved back home to enable me to save for a deposit to buy my own place. If i'd moved into rented accommodation and not got on the property ladder when I did there's no way I'd be living where I am now, i don't think I could even afford to rent the place I now live in. I think if i'd got to that age and never lived away then my parents would have probably given me a gentle nudge!

All those being pushed out into flat share just because they are now 21 and adults will in 15 years time be posting on Mumsnet or the equivalent site for 15 years hence bemoaning the fact that they can’t afford to buy as they can’t afford to save as all their money goes on childcare and rent.

Mine hopefully will be in their own property bought with decent deposits saved whilst still at home. Hopefully they will have established careers that they were able to pursue 100% as they stayed at home rather than working a second job just so they could afford rent and bills. Hopefully they will continue to save as they have learnt how to budget and save whilst at home saving for their deposits. Hopefully they will know how to invest for the best returns on their savings as they will have learnt good money management at home from what I taught them whilst saving for their deposits.

I can’t afford to give them a large handout for a deposit now but I can afford to give them a safe home. I have no mortgage left to pay so I just ask for a share of the bills. If they want anything extra that I don’t already have they pay for it themselves whether it be food or the BT hub.

I left home well before 25 as I'd been living with my dad & younger sister but didn't get on with my dad, we were constantly rowing.

My sister had left home at 19 to live with a boyfriend but moved back home when that relationship broke down.
She then stayed living with my dad until she was 26 when her favourite cat died and it upset her so much she wanted to move away (plus she'd been asked to move into a flatshare).

I found that once I'd left home I stopped rowing with my dad & our relationship changed & improved happily.

It may be increasingly common, but it explains a significant percentage of the rancid relationships with ILs that feature so heavily on Mn. Some feud with or insult from an 'interfering' MIL is described in hysterical detail, and it emerges halfway down the thread that the OP and her boyfriend and sometimes their baby or toddler, have been living rentfree with the ILs for several years 'to save for a deposit', as though this is as inevitable a life stage as puberty.

I think there still is judgement. My sister is 26 and still lives with our mum as her main carer, and she’s said she definitely feels the need to provide that context when explaining where she lives. It’s a tricky situation, we’ve tried getting carers in (including paid ones) but DM won’t accept them and when DSis did move out she was effectively paying rent and a full set of bills to spend most of the time she was not at work at DMs anyway with 2x the house work, 2 sets of shopping etc.

In other cultures what she’s doing is perfectly normal, accepted and even respected but there’s definitely judgement here of this so I’m sure there is for people without a “reason”.

Bought my first house when I was 19. Wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a 25 year old living at home. Better to be saving towards your own mortgage than paying off someone else’s.