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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be really confused by my friend and her husband

231 replies

atimetobealive · 01/06/2020 12:34

My friend had a baby in the middle of February And lockdown obviously commenced in March. Her husband was furloughed and it put them in a tight spot with money. She’s been worried about it non stop and has taken all the relevant payment holidays etc.

Anyway, my husband has a rental property (nothing fancy it was the house he bought before we met and he’s kept it and we live in a house I bought prior to our relationship.) That needs a full rewire And other bits done and i asked My friend if her husband would like to do it. He’s an electrician but very handy in other things too and could do all the things we needed done in the house.

I messaged my friend last week and said what needed doing and asked her to ask her husband to give us a quote for all the work.

She came back to me to say that he doesn’t want to do it because he’s just about to start back work in the near future and doesn’t want to be away from their baby. fwiw it would take maybe two weekends to complete or four days during the week.

I said that’s fine no worries we can get someone else to do it and pay them.

Anyway, fast forward to this morning and she said in a whatsapp message that she’s really concerned about their financial situation. I responded and said that we had offered him quite a significant amount of work that would Have been well paid and he turned it down 🙈

She just responded and said “that’s not the point...”

WIBU to respond to say I’m not interested in listening to money woes when he’s turning down well paid work?

OP posts:
atimetobealive · 01/06/2020 12:35

Btw rental property is empty so no risk involved in it

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/06/2020 12:35

They are being ridiculous. Lazy, too.

Finfintytint · 01/06/2020 12:37

If he’s been furloughed then I didn’t think he could take on other paid work.

022828MAN · 01/06/2020 12:38

I was going to say YABU about him turning down the work but then reading they are actually still moaning about finances YANBU and it's just weird. Some people love the woe-is-me card.

TinySleepThief · 01/06/2020 12:38

If he's been furloughed is he actually allowed to take on other work? I'm sure some contracts prohibit it.

atimetobealive · 01/06/2020 12:39

@Finfintytint he does homers quite a lot normally. It is a legitimate business on the side

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/06/2020 12:39

Oh come on, everyone would take on that work if they really needed the extra money. It's a cash in hand job and nobody would get to hear about it.

Knittedfairies · 01/06/2020 12:39

Ask her what 'the point' is.

Finfintytint · 01/06/2020 12:39

Ah, ok.

thebear1 · 01/06/2020 12:40

On the surface it seems that your friend is unreasonable to complain about finances when you have offered her husband work. Could there be more to it, perhaps they don't want to mix business with friendship? I had my friends husband do some plumbing and it was fine but I did worry that had we been unhappy with the work it could have ruined a friendship.

blosstree · 01/06/2020 12:40

@Finfintytint you can, though it depends on your contract. We were told to speak to work first about it if we wanted to.

atimetobealive · 01/06/2020 12:41

@thebear1

I doubt it because he’s done work for us in the past and for other friends too

OP posts:
Curiosity101 · 01/06/2020 12:42

I definitely see where you're coming from. I'm wondering if you want to stay friends with her or not?

If you don't the YANBU to respond with what you've suggested.

If you do then you'll probably just have to choose to ignore any of her money woes. Just gives lots of platitudes/non committal responses in future. This time will pass and hopefully she'll go back to normal once things even out?

Playing devils advocate, I can think of reasons someone might turn down your offer. Personally I don't like to hire friends or neighbours for anything. Because if something goes wrong then it's 1000x worse if it's a friend/neighbour who you need to raise it with.

RowenaRavenclawTheSecond · 01/06/2020 12:42

YANBU, they want the best of both worlds. Silly of him to turn it down if they're in such a pickle.

Coffeecak3 · 01/06/2020 12:43

He can work as long as it's not during contractual hours, so a weekend should be fine.
I had a friend like yours OP, I soon realised she didn't want help she just liked complaining.

purplecorkheart · 01/06/2020 12:44

Sounds like your friend is hinting at a loan tbh.

Curiosity101 · 01/06/2020 12:44

Cross posted with you there.

Perhaps she feels like you're offering the work as charity. It would be daft to turn the work down for that reason but it could be.

CocoR · 01/06/2020 12:45

Sounds like she's hoping you'll offer to bail them out without him doing the work.

Branleuse · 01/06/2020 12:46

Id just respond with, ok, well, fingers crossed things work out for you then.

Jokat · 01/06/2020 12:46

If he is self-employed and being furloughed as in receiving the support scheme grant which equals 80% of your average earning over the last 3 years, yes he can carry on working. He would be eligible if he is suffering some loss of earnings, doesn't have to be all earnings.

Letseatgrandma · 01/06/2020 12:46

Sounds like she’s after a loan?

Thehop · 01/06/2020 12:48

Disengage

“It’s hard, I know. Hopefully things get better soon.” Leave it at that.

He’s lazy and of things we’re that bad he would take the work.

Paperchainpopp · 01/06/2020 12:52

There’s maybe more to it. I wouldn’t push it you have offered and they said no.

pumpkinbump · 01/06/2020 12:56

YANBU. If their financial situation is that bad, enough for her to moan about, surely he should be taking any work he can get. Ridiculous.

handbagsatdawn33 · 01/06/2020 12:57

OP would surely need an invoice to claim as an expense against the rental business.
Could that be why the leccy refused?

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