Am I unusual to want to remain childfree?!

[C1239]

Just that really, I’m mid 30s, have two SS who are 8 and 10, I enjoy my relationship with them, I have been in their lives since they were 2 & 3. I enjoy spending family time with them but also love the times when it’s just my partner and I. I have never imagined having my own biological children yet people often comment that I ll regret this or if I enjoy being a stepmum why don’t I have my ‘own’.

Surely it’s ok to enjoy being a stepmum without wanting to be a biological mum 24/7?!

Well clearly most people want to reproduce or the population would be be increasing

However clearly there are a sizeable number of people who have other priorities. Live how you want OP.

littlejalapeno
Lol why are you on mumsnet then?

How original, no-one has ever asked that question before.....lol.

AIBU, Chat, Politics, Money, Relationships, In the News, Living Overseas, Travel, Food, Style and Beauty, Gardening, TV and Films and plenty of other boards. Perhaps you would care to point out which of those have anything to do with parenting and children? There may be the occasional thread on the subject which are quite easily avoided by those of us who are childless or childfree.

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But you're only respectful of peoples choices if they agree with you! The thread was someone asking if they were being unreasonable to not want children, I don't get why you're so upset by the fact that people have been posting to say that they don't regret not. If the OP had said she was pregnant and was really excited and people had piled on saying haha children suck you'll regret it that's different. I like Mumsnet as it's a space for everyone.

Funny thing is, OP actually said she's a step-parent, but just didn't want biological children of her own. According to littlejalapeno what is she doing on Mumsnet?

No, you're not unreasonable. It's your choice.

‘But you're only respectful of peoples choices if they agree with you!‘

Please can you show me where I’ve not been respectful of peoples choice to be child free?

I’m really not upset by people not regretting being child free. I have a lot of child free friends And colleagues. I just related my experience, which was that I thought I didn’t want children and changed my mind later.

Funny if everyone is welcome at mumsnet, why isn’t that?

Can you read what I’m actually saying rather than what you want to take offence at?

@Igenixx are your digs at me really constructive or making you feel good about yourself? Smh

littlejalapeno, far from being the elephant in the room, that question gets asked & answered EVERY SINGLE TIME there’s a thread about wanting kids and every time the asker clearly thinks it’s a clever & perceptive gotcha question. And we’re bored with having to justify our presence on MN now, so we make a game of it. We try to predict the question before it gets asked & then we shout bingo when it appears.

Halapeno Digs are not been made at you in fact it is you making digs at childfree people, but keep portraying yourself as a victim.

It’s AIBU. The answer is yes or no and not everybody is going to agree. But everybody can be polite. I’ve not said being child free is unreasonable or been rude about child free people, I said I wanted to be child free and changed my mind. I was only 100% sure after the fact and despite some difficult circumstances.

@EmpressLangClegInChair if the question has been asked so many times it’s obviously relevant, however much you dislike it. No offence meant so try not to take it personally. I hope you thrive whatever you’ve chosen for yourself and where ever you choose to hang out online.

Tbh, I ended my first marriage cos I was sick to death of my step children.

When looking for a second husband (not intentionally, I was just looking for a boyfriend or some casual thing) there was no way in hell I even glanced at anyone with kids.

Obviously anyone can use it. I just don’t get the condescending response from these posters. There are so few female spaces and the Internet is very big and full of forums.

There we have it. I must not be female enough to use one of these few female spaces because I haven't popped a sprog, through choice.

Spot on. @acatcalledjohn

I have children, because I wanted them.

You not wanting children isn't unusual, it's your life and your decision, it's not something we MUST do.

I think often people try to talk themselves out of having children thinking they will regret all the things they think they will lose

For some people that ,au be the case - but I know, for me, the bit that wanted children wasn't there. I always knew.

There are so few female spaces and the Internet is very big and full of forums

Ahh. So that's it. We're not proper females then. Wow. How narrow minded and pathetic.

Not U at all. More and more women are choosing to remain child-free. If you don't want one, don't have one. I am mid 30s and child-free. I get surprisingly few comments, except from older female relatives. I think perhaps it is because I have never been maternal and also because I clearly love my life so much.

Some women will try to tell themselves and others that they are superior for becoming a mother, but they are the kind of people who would try to be superior about anything.

And, sadly (including for the children themselves), having a child is not an automatic pathway to "growing up". I know some astonishingly infantile parents.

No, you are not being U.

I'm another who is childfree by choice, having known since a young age that being a mother wasn't something I wanted. It doesn't make me less of a woman or someone without maternal instincts but someone who just didn't want to have children.

In an ideal world all children should be wanted children, and those of us who don't want them should never be coerced into having them. The "ooh, you'd be such a good mother" comments often come from people who know nothing of the sort.

@togglethis

Not unusual, but why you’d ask the question on a parenting site is a bit odd IMO.

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me.

Didn’t take long did it? 🙄

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I'm mid-30s and childfree. From my university friendship group, only a third of us currently have a child/children.

Right now childless-by-choice people are lying awake at night worrying about what sort of future their young adult nieces and nephews (and other relatives) will face.

And thinking they themselves definitely made the right decision ...

Yes it does feel like a worrying time for children’s futures.

These threads always seem goady. It’s hardly a serious ‘ AIBU’ thread. Those who are childfree will list all the valid and positive reasons why they do not want children which is fine and dandy....only this is a bloody site for parents.

@PerditaProvokesEnmity and @C1239

It’s always been a worrying time for children’s futures and yet many people continue to have children. It’s natural to worry about people you care about, please don’t live a life ruled by anxiety and fear.

Honestly? I don't think now really counts as 'always' ...

And anxiety and fear seem like entirely appropriate responses to what I am currently witnessing. If your life feels smoothly unruffled, I congratulate you.