Am I unusual to want to remain childfree?!

[C1239]

Just that really, I’m mid 30s, have two SS who are 8 and 10, I enjoy my relationship with them, I have been in their lives since they were 2 & 3. I enjoy spending family time with them but also love the times when it’s just my partner and I. I have never imagined having my own biological children yet people often comment that I ll regret this or if I enjoy being a stepmum why don’t I have my ‘own’.

Surely it’s ok to enjoy being a stepmum without wanting to be a biological mum 24/7?!

You are not entirely child free, because you have SS

I'm in my 50s I knew from my teenage years that I didn't want children. I'm happy with my decision.
Some of my friends have children & some don't

It's a choice today, but it was not so easy before modern contraception

I'm surprised more people don't choose to be child free

In my friendship group it’s fairly unusual. Of the women i Know who don’t have children, only a couple are childless by choice. I know more who really wanted it but it never happened (couldn’t, or didn’t find a partner). I’m late 40s as are most of my friends, so most are past child bearing age.

Obviously it’s not statistically significant in anyway, and I have a lot of friends I’ve met through school/kids stuff, so my demographic is skewed somewhat.

If you’re happy with your choice than that’s great. It’s nobody else’s business really.

My partner doesn't have children either
Although previously he had step children

Our lives are by no means lacking for anything

If someone tells you you will regret not having biological children, ask them if they regret having them. Then ask why to every answer.
"No I don't"
" Uhum. Why?"
"Because i wanted them"
" Ah. Ok. Why?"
"Because it's normal"
"Interesting. Why?"
And so on until they give up.

The "why barricade" works on all kinds of dickheads😁

No, I would say in my friendship group (mid to late 30s mainly) it's about 50/50 split of those who have or want children and those who don't.

I felt so strongly about being a mum I do struggle to understand why somebody wouldn't want that for themselves.

Pregnancy
Childbirth, which entails significant risks and, I am led to believe, isn’t much fun.
Sleepless nights
Shitty nappies
Snotty noses
Ruined sex life
Vomit
Constant crying, noise, mess, stress.
Worries about illness & disabilities
Loss of freedom & independence (the single biggest factor for me).
Being forced to put someone else’s interests ahead of my own.
Financial pressures
Etc etc etc, ad infinitum.

The whole thing sounds like a complete nightmare and I find it hard to understand why anyone would choose to be a parent, but each to their own.....

@IcedPurple

IcedPurple I wasn’t being aggressive. Most people make up statistics to fit their narrative

I don't have a 'narrative' though I suspect you might.

Everyone has a narrative.

You are quite aggressive though @heartsonacake

No, I don't think so. Quite a few of my childhood friends that I've kept in proper (rather than just social media) contact with are happily child free & intend to remain so (we're all in our 30's).

Yes it’s ok. Go for it.

(Or don’t, rather)

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO

That really is total nonsense, not only wrong but really rude.
I'm childless, not childfree but support anyone who makes that choice.

I'm always amazed at the threads on here asking if parents would have children knowing then what they know now and a surprising percentage said that although they love their children the answer is no.

You'll have to excuse me, I have to go and play with my dolls now.

I do struggle to understand why somebody wouldn't want that for themselves

Why do you think you struggle to understand that someone else might not want to have children?

I'm sort of similar in that I never wanted children, still don't and married a man who feels the same. We are certainly grown up, our lives are very happy and we have plenty of other responsibilities.

We did "inherit" our teenage niece and nephew when my husbands sister died a couple of years ago and they now live with us. It's great having them and we have become very close. I've had a few friends who find it hilarious, tell me that it should now make me broody and give me parenting advice about coping with (when they have toddlers?). I never have them parenting advice btw.

I have no regrets about not having my own children. We love them completely and dearly and their company is amazing, but they are a wonderful addition to our lives rather than the centre of it and they are under no obligation to look after us in our old age.

We have made changes to our lives - we used to travel more and lived in a small flat in central London. Now we are at home more and have moved to a large house in Cornwall, but that was the way our lives were heading anyway.

It's not unusual or unreasonable OP.
My daughter never wanted children. She's now 33, been married for 6 years and still doesn't want or have children.
She is focused on her career and seems to have a nice lifestyle.
I have to confess to having a sneaky admiration for her stance.
Just do what you feel is right for you.

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me

Lol. Read any thread about school gate cliques, then come back and tell me all parents are grown up

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that people might disagree with you as it's a pile of poo?

violently disagree sounds a little childish by the way.

HTH

Yes, I think it is unusual to not want children, I think most women still do want dc. It's perfectly okay not to though, something being uncommon doesn't make it wrong. People shouldn't be making comments to you about it.

@InDubiousBattle

Yes, I think it is unusual to not want children, I think most women still do want dc. It's perfectly okay not to though, something being uncommon doesn't make it wrong. People shouldn't be making comments to you about it.

What century are you typing from? It's most certainly not uncommon.

It's not that unusual not to want children - a significant number don't (some of whom do actually go on to have children because their partners did, or they feel under pressure to have kids) but it tends not to be hugely talked about. Some of the responses on this thread - child-free women don't grow up, I just can't understand childfree women - go some way to explaining why it's not always openly discussed.

*did want them, that should read.

“Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO”

Isn’t there some irony in that? Surely only someone immature would make a statement like that in the first place.

C’mon now @JorisBonson of course not wanting to have children is the uncommon choice.most women just assume that having children is part of the package of being a woman. The ones choosing not to are going completely against societal norms and expectations but they are the ones who have actually given it deep thought. As women have attained greater independence financially and have jobs and careers it has empowered them to think more critically about what they want and what makes them happy and society is now more accepting or (keep their thoughts to themselves), in times gone by you’d be labelled a witch for daring to announce you don’t want children, almost as if you’re a bit ‘wrong’ plus your body was not your own anyway. That attitude is still prevalent. I admire them.

I agree that it's not openly talked about unless you know a person well or unless you're on an anonymous forum because it's such a personal decision. I mean, I would no more ask an acquaintance or colleague why she doesn't have children than I would ask an acquaintance or colleague why she does: it's none of my business and you have no idea what is going on for people.

No, you're not unusual, I am mid 40s and have never wanted kids. To be honest I rarely get anyone asking any nosey questions and if they did, it wouldn't bother me, some people have no tact but most don't mean any harm.

My two best friends are also child free by choice so we are not a rare species at all