Am I unusual to want to remain childfree?!

[C1239]

Just that really, I’m mid 30s, have two SS who are 8 and 10, I enjoy my relationship with them, I have been in their lives since they were 2 & 3. I enjoy spending family time with them but also love the times when it’s just my partner and I. I have never imagined having my own biological children yet people often comment that I ll regret this or if I enjoy being a stepmum why don’t I have my ‘own’.

Surely it’s ok to enjoy being a stepmum without wanting to be a biological mum 24/7?!

@acatcalledjohn Not to mention the relationships section, which is a massive one.

The thing is, for some of us, there's really no 'talking out of' required. It's not that we fear the bad bits of parenthood. Even the 'good' bits don't look that great. I spend plenty of time around parents and I never think to myself "Wow! That looks like a great life!" It simply doesn't appeal

This, 1000 times this. You may as well ask me why I don’t want an elephant, or a tortoise, or crazy golf set up in my back garden. It simply holds no appeal to me. It’s not something I yearn for, idly muse over, feel I’m missing out on, wonder of I could make work. I. Just. Don’t. Want. Children.

People always seem to have an opinion, whatever choice (I appreciate for some it heartbreakingly isn't a choice though) you make is the right one as long as it is what you want and not just what others think you should want. I enjoy being a mum, but I am fortunate enough that my life was great before, if I hadn't wanted any children it would have been just as fulfilling and enjoyable as it is now, just different. Some people obviously regret not having them, just as many people regret having them. Out of my friends the split is pretty equal, as is what we have achieved, no real correlation between success etc and having children or not!

Lol why are you on mumsnet then?

BINGO!!!!!

@EmpressLangClegInChair Always love the BINGO on these posts! Well called!

@acatcalledjohn why though? I didn’t even think about it until I became a parent. Then I had pregnancy questions and came to the parenting forum to ask them.

What is the purpose of coming on a primarily parent focussed forum and saying “I don’t want to have children is that ok?“ either they’re being goady or they want the parents to change their minds.

My mind boggles that so many child free people are here essentially saying their choice to be child free is the better choice and no you will never regret or change your mind because they didn’t is staggering. On a forum that is specifically and primarily for people with children.

Yes yes BINGO I’ll address the elephant in the room to your ongoing entertainment I’m sure. But does it make the question any less valid?

Because there are loads of different topics on here, I post on the none child related threads far more than the others. Plenty of ways to 'find' the site, and it's good to have a variety of opinions.

Yes yes BINGO grin I’ll address the elephant in the room to your ongoing entertainment I’m sure. But does it make the question any less valid?

Scroll through the AIBU forum. Or the Chat forum. Or the TV forum. Or the Style and Beauty forum... and so on. How many of the discussions are about raising children?

The majority if not vast majority of discussions on MN are not directly related to parenthood. You hadn't realised that?

What is the purpose of coming on a primarily parent focussed forum and saying “I don’t want to have children is that ok?“ either they’re being goady or they want the parents to change their minds.

Take off your blinkers. Plenty of people google things and end up on here because the info/discussion/support can be found here. Then you find it is so much more that just a site for parents and hang around.

It's not a hard concept to grasp.

I don't think you quite understand the meaning of "goady".

It's your life, your choice, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
I had issues conceiving, then (rightly or wrongly) it made me even more determined to have one., To beat infertility and feel like a 'real woman' (again, not really a great idea either). However, the reality is much harder than I anticipated and I do wonder if I could have had one without a thought, would I have. I love my son to bits but it is very difficult. My husband and I would have been happy with or without children we decided.

If you are feeling it,then it is fine. Other people's wants and hopes in life aren't yours. If your hope and want is to remain a step-mum,then of course it is fine,otherwise you wouldn't be feeling it. It might not be fine for other people,as they don't feel that way,but if you feel that way then it is normal for you and that is all that matters.

I wish you all the best in being a step-mum,I bet you're amazing at it and I wish you the best,enjoyable,child-free life!

@littlejalapeno “Why are you on Mumsnet then”. The joke is on you because you don’t seem to have understand that Mumsnet is more than just about children, it’s a site for “women”. Mumsnet covers every topic relating to women so whether you have children or not the site caters for all.. including “men”. Now that might just completely blow your mind .

I’m childfree, as others have said, I have seen friends with children and absolutely nothing about child rearing looks appealing to me.

I ended up here after a thread was referenced in the DM.

i suppose mildly unusual, if hardly unique.

by way of an example, 18% of UK women born in 1972 were childless on their 45th birthday.

i suppose i'd tend to assume an involuntary element to at least some of those... so as a guess maybe, what, 10-15% of women of that age didn't want kids?

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/conceptionandfertilityrates/bulletins/childbearingforwomenbornindifferentyearsenglandandwales/2017

@Igenixx doublethink if ever I heard it.

So it’s a site primarily for mums that expanded to other interests as mums do have lives beyond their kids. And now we’re including fathers and other parents too. And now child free people (note I don’t say childless because I respect women’s choices) are on the parenting forum too because they have interests other than children. But yes the jokes on me

All of you of course go to gransnet as well right? Because you’re not grans but share their interests?

OP good luck in what ever you choose. It’s ok to change your mind and it’s ok to not change your mind. In my experience, I was scared I would regret having kids and scared I would regret not having them. I took the plunge and I’m glad I have been lucky enough to have a baby, though I nearly died during the birth and was treated (successfully) for ptsd and pnd after, which was as much of a life experience to learn from as the pregnancy. I love my baby and experience so much love and joy from being his mum but would’ve found a way to be content if we’d decided not to become parents. You’ll never please everyone, but you can be alright by you. All the best.

@littlejalapeno Yes the joke is on you. Forums /Sites evolve! That’s what happens, ‘Mumsnet’ has kept its name but it has long been more than about having children. It’s primarily a site about issues affecting women. There are childfree women, childless women, young women who are students, single women, married, divorced etc and men etc. That’s why there are topics for every subject under the sun. Men come on because they usually want advice from a female perspective. It’s not just about breastfeeding, child rearing etc. I think you should have a good look round to update your understanding of the site.
I’m surprised you haven’t realised any of this.

“I’m surprised you haven’t realised any of this”

You’re quite passive aggressive and goady aren’t you?

Use the site how you want, but you seem to want to erase mums from mumsnet for some reason, which makes me quite uncomfortable.

Use the site how you want, but you seem to want to erase mums from mumsnet for some reason, which makes me quite uncomfortable

Ah ffs. Who’s ‘erasing mums from mumsnet’? Nobody, that’s who. Nobody is questioning why mums post here, or indeed why they post on any topic that isn’t directly related to parenting.

Talk about over-dramatic!

Use the site how you want, but you seem to want to erase mums from mumsnet for some reason, which makes me quite uncomfortable.

Hmm... it's increasingly obvious we are dealing with one of those situations where people impose their own insecurities or hang-ups on others.

Nobody is trying to 'erase' anyone. It's not like I'm heading over to the pregnancy or breastfeeding forums and berating mums for posting there. I'm not interested in those discussions, so I don't go there. But I do post on the many MN topics which interest me, such as this one.

There are hundreds of active threads on MN. Why did you choose to post on this one if it doesn't interest you?

you seem to want to erase mums from mumsnet for some reason, which makes me quite uncomfortable.

Well that's me gone then

Use the site how you want, but you seem to want to erase mums from mumsnet for some reason, which makes me quite uncomfortable.

You're trying to erase any opinions that aren't the same as yours. Why has it touched such a nerve anyway?

"Use the site how you want, but you seem to want to erase mums from mumsnet for some reason, which makes me quite uncomfortable."

lol what a load of shite

Surely it is much much better to regret not having children than to have them and regret it?

I have met many women (and men) over the years who say if they could go back in time they would not have children. I do mean many as I have lived in many different locations here and abroad.

Me and DH have been married 40 years. Decided to be childfree for several reasons and have, honestly, never regretted it or a second. With the world the way it is now we are more than ever certain we made the right decision.

It is not uncommon to choose to be childfree at all. DH's sister chose not to have children as did 3 of my 6 cousins.

We have 2 nieces and 2 nephews. 1 niece and 1 nephew are definitely not having children - they are both married. I nephew is not totally sure but doesn't think they will have children and 1 niece (the youngest who is 25) says she probably will have them.

Brother in law has 3 sisters and 2 brothers all have chosen to be childfree.

Loads of our friends are childfree by choice and just about all have happy first marriages that have lasted years. Most of our friends with children are on 2nd or 3rd marriages/relationships.

@Teawiththat I’m really not. But this is primarily a site for parents surely? The only people I know who care about it are people who have kids. Obviously anyone can use it. I just don’t get the condescending response from these posters. There are so few female spaces and the Internet is very big and full of forums. Are people who are on mumsnet also on gransnet? And if they think that’s ridiculous, why? They’re just questions meant and delivered without malice. Though I’m a joke for asking them? I’ve been very clear that I value all women’s choices so please don’t accuse me of erasure as it’s unfounded.