Am I unusual to want to remain childfree?!

[C1239]

Just that really, I’m mid 30s, have two SS who are 8 and 10, I enjoy my relationship with them, I have been in their lives since they were 2 & 3. I enjoy spending family time with them but also love the times when it’s just my partner and I. I have never imagined having my own biological children yet people often comment that I ll regret this or if I enjoy being a stepmum why don’t I have my ‘own’.

Surely it’s ok to enjoy being a stepmum without wanting to be a biological mum 24/7?!

It's not unusual and becoming more common. A lot of people assume they want children, it's the default but lots dont.

Not at all. I've never wanted children and am often slightly baffled as to why so many people do. About 1 in 5 British women are childfree, and the number is growing steadily. Of course, it won't be through choice in all cases, but it will in many.

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me.

Well, you’re entitled to your opinion, but it’s a very judgy one.

About 1 in 5 British women are childfree, and the number is growing steadily.

IcedPurple Do you have a source for that, or are you just making it up?

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me

I'm 46 and don't have kids, never wanted them and I'm certainly very grown up, hold down a responsible job, have savings, a nice house. I like our life as it is, I like our holidays, our impromptu weekends away, spur of the moment nights out etc.

I know my mum was disappointed that I never made her a grandma but I wasn't going to have kids just for her, and she's over it now.

Of course it's ok to be a stepmum and not want your own children. Do what's best for you and makes you happy. Don't feel pressure to procreate because family/friends/society says you should.

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me.

You mean in the same way that some parents never really grow up? Plenty of shitty, immature parents out there.

Having children has sweet FA to do with growing up. Running a household, holding down a job and maintaining meaningful relationships does that. In other words: life experience.

OP, you are perfectly normal. I am the same.

@heartsonacake According to the Office For National Stastitics, 18% of women aged 45 do not have children.

I think you would have to be cruel and insane to bring more people into this fucked up world.

I think a lot of people think that way because they very suddenly went from not wanting children to really desperately wanting them. My experience was very different. I assumed I’d want them one day and then actually wanted them so when someone says they really don’t want them I take it at face value. If I had had the other experience though i might be tempted to project my own experience on the person saying they never wanted children. Do what you want. I even get told I’ll want more children one day when I tell people I’m done (I am really really fucking done, I love my kids but not that keen on parenthood).

@username108 world looks fine to me... I mean, would you rather not exist than live in this world? I quite enjoy it.

Do you have a source for that, or are you just making it up?

Why so aggressive?

And yes I do have a source. Found it in about 10 seconds on the Google. You could have done so yourself.

*The proportion of women who never have children has doubled in a generation, ONS figures show.

The official figures show that of women born in 1946, just 9 per cent were still childless at 45 - the age the ONS defines as the end of childbearing years.

Statisticians said women were less likely to be married and more likely to be putting off having children until they could no longer have them.

Of those born in 1971, 18 per cent were childless in 2016, when they turned 45. Almost half of women who turned 30 in 2016 did not have any children, up from a low of just 18 per cent in 1976*

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/11/24/proportion-women-never-have-children-has-doubled-generation/

I'm mid-30s, happily child-free. DH don't want them. I've never been remotely interested. Don't think it's unusual, per se, but most of my friends and acquaintances do have 1 or 2 or even 3 little people by this age.

Not unreasonable at all noone should be bringing children into the world that they dont want.
I'll admit it does intrigue me as all I've EVER wanted was to be mum so while I completely understand people's choices are different to mine because I felt so strongly about being a mum I do struggle to understand why somebody wouldn't want that for themselves.

*DH and I don't want them. Wish there was an edit function!

Not at all, I have a toddler and another on the way and sometimes I think about the positives that would have come from being child free too. There's pros to both, it's completely understandable and normal.

IcedPurple I wasn’t being aggressive. Most people make up statistics to fit their narrative.

And no, if you come out with a statistic the onus is on you to prove it, not for anyone else to go looking to see whether or not you’re making it up.

I'm 60 and childfree. Never wanted children, and am very happy I never had any. The majority of my friends are childfree too - not by design, I guess it's a case of 'birds of a feather'. Just do you, don't ever feel obliged to live up to other people's expectations - it's your life, not theirs.

No, not at all. I’m very happily childfree by choice and it was absolutely the right decision for me. I have always known I didn’t want to be a parent, and I wasn’t particularly keen on children even when I was one myself.

For those of us fortunate to live in developed societies in the 21st century having children is a lifestyle choice, as is remaining childfree and both are equally valid.

The delightful R.Sunak mentioned on Today that in U.K. one in six children are sexually abused, which particularly interests him because his origins are Pakistani, a group disproportionately highly represented among offenders. . In the Philippines, children are bred or sold to be abused, online, to order, with 2 and 3 month old babies among those rescued by police. One woman was involved with a filming group of seven small children, two of which were her own.

So yes, refraining from breeding will help with the disastrous population explosion. But, for those who care about children, maybe working with them, or fostering them, would give a carelessly conceived unwanted or rescued child a chance of a happy future?

IcedPurple I wasn’t being aggressive. Most people make up statistics to fit their narrative

I don't have a 'narrative' though I suspect you might.

DP and I happily child free. Both never wanted them and like living our lives for ourselves.

Our 3 cats are enough.

because I felt so strongly about being a mum I do struggle to understand why somebody wouldn't want that for themselves.

I’ve always struggled to understand why anyone would want that, while respecting that they obviously do & crocheting baby blankets for pregnant friends & relations. If people ask I normally just tell them my body didn’t get the memo.

@Inextremis

I'm 60 and childfree. Never wanted children, and am very happy I never had any. The majority of my friends are childfree too - not by design, I guess it's a case of 'birds of a feather'. Just do you, don't ever feel obliged to live up to other people's expectations - it's your life, not theirs.

Same here! Those friendships have definitely developed over the last decade as those who wanted children have had them.

No your not unusual I said at 13 no kids meant it and stuck to it, never regretted my decision.