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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That he highlighted I was not invited.

127 replies

ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:05

I'm probably being aibu,
Me and boyfriend dont live together but went on a walk today as we live nearby.
He said he was going to a bbq next week at an old friend's house. I told him that's great and just asked about the friend because I never heard off him.
Then boyfriend just goes 'Yeah it will be fun. You're not invited by the way'.

I didnt even think I was invited nor dis I make any suggestions that I was inviting myself. I just laughed and said 'okay' but I don't think he had to be so straightforward like that.

I understand if i was like "so when is it, i"ll see if i can make it" but all i asked about was how he knew the guy because i never heard his name.

Probably really silly thing for me to be aibu about.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:05

We're 23 and been together a year btw

OP posts:
category12 · 31/05/2020 19:07

Bit rude/unnecessary.

DartmoorChef · 31/05/2020 19:07

He sounds rather rude. And selfish.

AdoptedBumpkin · 31/05/2020 19:07

Sounds a bit mean.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 31/05/2020 19:08

He sounds like an arsehole

Zoecarter · 31/05/2020 19:09

Dose he have another girlfriend ?? Or is it just a lads thing ??

blindmansbluff · 31/05/2020 19:09

I think this is far better then not saying anything and you ending up thinking you're going too

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2020 19:09

What a prick. Raise your standards and get rid. I'm also wondering what he's really up to. A friend you've never heard of, making sure you know you're not included. Interesting.

LudaMusser · 31/05/2020 19:10

I think he could have worded it a bit better, seemed unnecessary

burnoutbabe · 31/05/2020 19:10

Bizarre
I can't see why a bbq invite would not normally include partners? Unless totally lads only?

RedskyAtnight · 31/05/2020 19:11

I also think it's fine (if a bit abrupt) to make it clear that you're not invited before you start assuming you are.

TooOwls · 31/05/2020 19:11

Urgh

I’d have gone with “ I don’t remember asking if I come lolz, bit presumptuous of you isn’t it?”

But then he sounds like a dick

Vodkacranberryplease · 31/05/2020 19:11

Wait till you know he's there (just arrived) and text the following. "Just wanted to let you know you're dUpped. Not because you went to the bbq but because you're just not the kind of guy I want to be with. And you're shit in bed"

Then block him and turn your phone off and pour yourself a nice glass of something.

What a prick. Truly.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2020 19:12

Yeah a bit blunt.

ChoosingHim · 31/05/2020 19:12

That would really annoy me

Spied · 31/05/2020 19:12

Rude.
Do you think he's having second thoughts about your relationship?
Surely he'd be angling for an invite for you seen as you haven't seen much of each other lately and even if its a guys only BBQ then he could have said this and been more polite.
Maybe this mate doesn't know about you and he's wanting to keep it from him?
Most BBQs involve friends and their partners.

Vodkacranberryplease · 31/05/2020 19:13

Sorry tho "you're dumped" I meant. Logistics wise maybe make arrangements to see a friend just after and block him on everything except the way you contact him just before. Then send the message and block that last one.

ComDummings · 31/05/2020 19:15

He’s rude

Original poster
ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:15

I didnt ask whether girls or partners were going to be there as it didnt cross my mind,
He just mentioned an old friend had invited him for a bbq and I basically said that i've never heard his name before, how do you know him? And he said they go years back but havent spoken in a few years but they both got in touch with each other over lockdown. And he said i wasnt invited and I was said 'okay' and it sounds like it would be fun and then changed topic

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 31/05/2020 19:15

*DartmoorChef

He sounds rather rude. And selfish.*

Selfish in what way?

OP, I can’t see he did anything wrong. He possibly just felt awkward that you weren’t invited and pre-emptied you asking or having an awkward conversation down the line.

It seems completely reasonable go to a bbq or whatever without a partner. Not everything needs or should have to be, a joint invitation.

Grilledaubergines · 31/05/2020 19:16

empted

1Morewineplease · 31/05/2020 19:17

How rude and disrespectful.

Original poster
ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:17

@Grilledaubergines i didnt say i expected an invite? Quite the opposite that I wasnt expecting an invite to.someone i dont know's BBQ. But i just wasnt expecting him to just pop out with it

OP posts:
Hopoindown31 · 31/05/2020 19:19

Entirely depends how he said it. Tone and inflection are important here.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/05/2020 19:19

Yeah, he was rude. There was no need for that. Do you normally do everything together?

When DH and I had only been together a few months, we did a lot of things together and I stayed at his house a lot (he was fine with this and specifically invited me). His housemate (uni) arranged something and made a point of coming and telling me it was happening and I was not allowed to come. If he’d just said he wanted a night just them, I would have understood but he was so rude.