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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That he highlighted I was not invited.

127 replies

ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:05

I'm probably being aibu,
Me and boyfriend dont live together but went on a walk today as we live nearby.
He said he was going to a bbq next week at an old friend's house. I told him that's great and just asked about the friend because I never heard off him.
Then boyfriend just goes 'Yeah it will be fun. You're not invited by the way'.

I didnt even think I was invited nor dis I make any suggestions that I was inviting myself. I just laughed and said 'okay' but I don't think he had to be so straightforward like that.

I understand if i was like "so when is it, i"ll see if i can make it" but all i asked about was how he knew the guy because i never heard his name.

Probably really silly thing for me to be aibu about.

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 31/05/2020 20:32

He sounds really thoughtless.

OhTheRoses · 31/05/2020 20:41

@chewabewanewacewa actually I think it's a far cry from one's partner comong home from work and giving a kiss hello. You and your bf do not live together and the lockdown regulations state that partners living apart (boyfriend and girlfriend) should socially distance when they meet in the open air.

As I have said, as the mother of a 22 and 25 year old I appreciate this is a difficult time. At the same time I am very relieved my dc know both the rules and the length of lockdown.

I don't necessarily think yr bf was out of order. His chum shouldn't have seen his friends for 10 weeks. He wants to see five good chums; not three good chums and a couple of girls he's never met.

Original poster
ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 20:50

@OhTheRoses this is the last post I will write to you but I think it's a sad world in which your ranting at me because my boyfriend touched me. Sorry me and my boyfriend are the devils of the world because we have touched each other. Shock horror.
And yes it is pretty similar.
So you're telling me nurses who work in a high-risk environment go home and kiss their partners and other professions in a high-risk are a far cry from me and my boyfriend who havent really been integrating in the outside world to touch each other? Give over.

OP posts:
Somewhereinthesky · 31/05/2020 20:50

If you thought he was rude, why didn't you say so? Far better to deal with it than thinking about it and keep feeling annoyed later on.

Jenasaurus · 31/05/2020 20:52

Could the BBQ be for his friend and 5 others to keep in with the new guidleines, hence partners not invited?

Flittingabout · 31/05/2020 20:56

I agree depends how he said it. Unless he previously mentioned that he has reconnected with an old friend I have my suspicions that at 23 he has actually got another date!

OhTheRoses · 31/05/2020 21:01

The rules are that people who don't live in the same household must socially distance.

Your boyfriend was blunt, however, the more you respond the more I understand why he may not wish to take you. You really aren't coming across well.

I am really pleased my dc understand the rules. It is very different if a couple live together.

Original poster
ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 21:05

@OhTheRoses i'm not coming across well because i don't believe couples who meet up are any worse than couples who live together and go to work? Hmm
Okay

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 31/05/2020 21:07

@OhTheRoses
You really need to take some time out now to smell the roses.

boredtotears11 · 31/05/2020 21:09

I’ve never known a barbecue to be so formal, as to not include the partner of the guest. How weird. So the the mate must have specifically said “your girlfriend can’t come.” Your boyfriend sounds as subtle as a brick to word it like that too. Very rude as well.

Maduixa · 31/05/2020 21:11

I'd dump that idiot. Didn't even have to read the replies.

laidbacklife · 31/05/2020 21:11

@OhTheRoses - don’t waste space in this thread by giving your unwanted opinions on lockdown. No one cares. The OP was asking for advice on a specific conversation she had with her bf. If rules are so precious to you then abide by Mumsnet Talk etiquette and only offer your advice on the question asked.

CrystalTipped · 31/05/2020 21:13

He could have worded it better. Only you know if he was being rude or if he's just not the most articulate person in the world.

Voice0fReason · 31/05/2020 21:18

Maybe his tone was a bit clumsy but it sounds like he panicked that he'd given the impression that you were invited and wanted to correct it quickly.

Astella22 · 31/05/2020 21:19

He sounds almost defensive about it which doesn’t sit right as you just asked a very simple follow on question. For me that would indicate that he isn’t being honest about something. I’d u want peace of mind you will need to dig further

vixxo · 31/05/2020 21:20

What a prick

matchboxtwentyunwell · 31/05/2020 21:22

Surely it wasn't meant in an unkind way, but in a 'Covid' way, as in people are restricted on who they can visit/see now by numbers, so fair enough to kind of point out that you're not on the friend's list of people right now.

OhTheRoses · 31/05/2020 21:26

I imagine it's a barbecue with more than six people.

I don't believe stating facts breaks MNet etiquette. The same MNet that has seen people too concerned to send their dc back to school and who have been snitching on neighbours.

The rules are simple; the rest is very confusing.

Notejode · 31/05/2020 21:27

In my experience sometimes boyfriends start playing games so that you get mad and finally split with them.Just keep an eye and this is in mind. Hopefully is a one off but a boyfriend once told me they find it very hard to finish relationships and sometimes rather sabotage for the girls to take action. Even married man act like that.

THEDEACON · 31/05/2020 21:27

in these Covid times it is wise to make who is and who is not invited clear A bbq next weekend should still be with limited households /numbers

Fishfingersandwichplease · 31/05/2020 21:35

Don't think this would bother me - maybe if the 6 people rule thing wasn't about and we weren't in this pandemic, you would have been invited. Or maybe not if it is lads only for example. He probably just wanted to tell you so you were clear you weren't going

ClassicCola · 31/05/2020 21:40

He probably got the impression that you thought you might be invited and was just making it clear you were not.

I wouldn't dump him over something as silly as this.

chaosmaker · 31/05/2020 21:43

Just sounds honest and upfront to me. I much prefer to know where I am and not be able to misread things because people try and save the other person/partner's feelings

Mnthrowaway20202 · 31/05/2020 21:44

I don’t think the lack of invite is weird at all.

I’m 22, I think it’s absolutely normal for 23 year olds to socialise without whoever they’re dating. Especially during a pandemic where # of invites are limited and people want to catch up with their actual loved ones (as opposed to acquaintances/girlfriends of mates whom they’ve never met)

It’s not like you’ve been married for decades either, where invites might come as pair by default.

If you think he was rude you should have called him out at the time

cheesyrats · 31/05/2020 21:45

He's a tactless arse.

If it was a maximum number of people allowed thing, then he could have said he was sorry but you wouldn't be able to come as well due to numbers. Not just a bald "You're not invited by the way".

Not invited by whom? Is it that the random friend didn't know you existed so didn't include you, or is that they don't want you there, or is it that your bf doesn't want you there?