Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That he highlighted I was not invited.

127 replies

ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:05

I'm probably being aibu,
Me and boyfriend dont live together but went on a walk today as we live nearby.
He said he was going to a bbq next week at an old friend's house. I told him that's great and just asked about the friend because I never heard off him.
Then boyfriend just goes 'Yeah it will be fun. You're not invited by the way'.

I didnt even think I was invited nor dis I make any suggestions that I was inviting myself. I just laughed and said 'okay' but I don't think he had to be so straightforward like that.

I understand if i was like "so when is it, i"ll see if i can make it" but all i asked about was how he knew the guy because i never heard his name.

Probably really silly thing for me to be aibu about.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 31/05/2020 19:49

Lockdown hasn't prevailed for four months. It's prevailed since 23rd March. 10 weeks. 16 weeks in 4 months. Why didn't you see him for 6 weeks before lockdown.

Original poster
ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:50

@OhTheRoses or 3 months whatever it's been. Time feels forever. Why are you being so nitpicky?

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 31/05/2020 19:51

Don't do what Vodka suggests. I think she is 13.

Original poster
ChewaBewaNewaCewa · 31/05/2020 19:51

He squeezed my hips, wow!! Surely no different to people working and coming home and giving their partner a kiss Hmm

OP posts:
timetest · 31/05/2020 19:52

It’s fine to have separate friends and activities but the way he said sounds a bit mean kids in the playground.

NeutrinoWrangler · 31/05/2020 19:56

Yeah, that would probably annoy me. I'd most likely have answered right back, "Well, I didn't say I was, did I? And get your hands off my hips if you're going to speak to me that way, thankyouverymuch." Wink ...But then I'm a bit grumpy and easily irritated by things like that, and it would be best for all involved if we quickly learned these things about one another. (I, that he can be blunt and rather rude; he, that I don't appreciate bluntness or rudeness and will swipe back if riled.)

He may not have meant any offense, but there's no reason he couldn't have been a bit more suave and considerate of your feelings.

NeutrinoWrangler · 31/05/2020 19:57

Meh, strikethrough fail.

Devlesko · 31/05/2020 20:00

Short and to the point, I like this. Wouldn't bother me at all.

Carrotgirl87 · 31/05/2020 20:00

@Pebblexox oh yes I'm not suggesting that we don't all have people who crop up as old friends not usually mentioned. More that said old friend after a long time of no contact would make a point of saying the partner isn't welcome. That's the weird part to me, seems spectacularly bad manners.

Carrotgirl87 · 31/05/2020 20:02

@burnoutbabe said it better than I did Grin

Vanhi · 31/05/2020 20:02

I can't see why a bbq invite would not normally include partners? Unless totally lads only?

Because any form of social get together is severely limited, what with there being a global pandemic.

rosecreakybex · 31/05/2020 20:04

What a weird thing to say! I can understand if he said "it's just lads by the way" (assuming you're female - possibly incorrectly).

Or if he said "I'm sorry you're not invited but they need to keep numbers below 6" or something. Is he always so blunt?

rosecreakybex · 31/05/2020 20:06

Is it possible this friend is in to stuff he knows youd disapprove of? Hence he's never mentioned him

sonjadog · 31/05/2020 20:06

It sounds like something I or my boyfriend at that time would have said when we were about your age. Meant well and to avoid disappointment or awkwardness later, but too blunt and insensitively put. I can understand that you are a bit taken aback, but I would try not to read anything more into it.

Aridane · 31/05/2020 20:06

I can't see why a bbq invite would not normally include partners? Unless totally lads only?

Because we’re in pandemic and only 6 people from different households can meet together???

overnightangel · 31/05/2020 20:06

Blimey @Vodkacranberryplease didn’t take you long to go from 0 to Looneytunes.
Bit overinvesty/projecty

rosecreakybex · 31/05/2020 20:11

@vodkacranberryplease - are you okay hun?

rosegoldwatcher · 31/05/2020 20:20

Many men are pragmatic by nature. I think that yours is.

CherryPavlova · 31/05/2020 20:25

He’s a boyfriend not a husband. I’d think he was good to be clear. It was friend inviting him.
The relationship doesn’t sound very developed, so I cannot see an issue.

YakkityYakYakYak · 31/05/2020 20:27

I don’t think it would bother me overly but I can be fairly blunt too. You must know him well enough after a year to know whether it’s typical of him to be this direct, or whether he was being mean. What is your judgement of how he intended the comment to be taken?

TeamLannister · 31/05/2020 20:28

I think he was deliberately rude. Does he slyly put you down, saying things that would sound a bit petty and silly if you challenged them, but make you feel small all the same??

TheLittleToothMouse · 31/05/2020 20:28

If he posted loads of social media stuff/pics about the bbq and kept going on about how great it was to you, then that would indicate he’s not very sensitive to your feelings.

Also I would be a bit curious if this “old friend” is a lad or an ex, if he didn’t say who it was.

I hope you manage to catch up with your friends next week.

Notthetoothfairy · 31/05/2020 20:28

He sound around 12. Are you sure you want to be with him?

MsTSwift · 31/05/2020 20:29

He’s not a keeper.

therona · 31/05/2020 20:31

I'd have asked why he said that at the time, but best to leave it now. Not a big deal if he's otherwise a good guy.