That he highlighted I was not invited.

[ChewaBewaNewaCewa]

I'm probably being aibu,
Me and boyfriend dont live together but went on a walk today as we live nearby.
He said he was going to a bbq next week at an old friend's house. I told him that's great and just asked about the friend because I never heard off him.
Then boyfriend just goes 'Yeah it will be fun. You're not invited by the way'.

I didnt even think I was invited nor dis I make any suggestions that I was inviting myself. I just laughed and said 'okay' but I don't think he had to be so straightforward like that.

I understand if i was like "so when is it, i"ll see if i can make it" but all i asked about was how he knew the guy because i never heard his name.

Probably really silly thing for me to be aibu about.

[starfishmummy]

He could have phrased it better, but I wouldn't overthink it or imagine there is some ulterior reason why you cant go.

[Bluewarbler27]

He sounds like a complete cock.

[managedmis]

He just shouldn't have mentioned the damn BBQ should he

That'll learn him!

[Euclid]

Dear OP don't read too much into what your boyfriend said. You are both only 23. He Is not a professor of linguistics. It would obviously have sounded better for you if he had said "sorry due to number restrictions the invitation is only for me". I am sure that he did not mean that you were specifically excluded, just that the invitation was only for him.

[BackforGood]

I suspect there are a LOT of posters on this thread, projecting their own experiences in their replies.

There is nothing odd in what your boyfriend said. Sounds eminently sensible to me to make sure it was clear at the time rather than have any confusion around anyone assuming anything.

The people who leap to suggesting you end the relationship are just beyond belief.
Even if someone thought he was a bit abrupt, (which it doesn't sound like to me) then, here's an idea, why not have a conversation with him about how sometimes things might come across as being a bit abrupt, and trying to resolve that between two adults who clearly like each other a lot, for the relationship to be a year old.

[NumbsMet]

Nope, sorry. He didn't have to phrase it like that. Simply 'sorry, I can't take you with me' or something to that effect. Think about how you would have said it to him if the roles were reversed.

It's not a big deal that you weren't able to go with him. It is unfortunate that he opted to tell you like that and even though you may not want to see it, it's an insight into who he is and how he views you.

Even if some other people wouldn't see a problem with it, you deserve to feel comfortable in your relationships. Ending things with him is not a punishment to him, it's practical, because you are clearly uncomfortable with how he made you feel, so don't focus on how unreasonable other people may think you are to feel that way.

[Areyouhavingapoomum]

Perhaps it's the number limit on socialising groups and he didn't want you to think you were invited and then be disappointed?! Depends how it was said I suppose.

[emmylousings]

And of course with no suggestion that there is a dodgy reason why they don't want you there!

[emmylousings]

I've almost always had the type of relationships where one person could basically say to another, "I'm going to this thing and you aren't invited", and I think that's fair enough, but it should be said in a polite / 'no offence / hope you don't mind too much' way.

[Eckhart]

Good, that's ok then. But please stop leaping to calling people 'bitchy' and saying their comments are awful. It's really unnecessary and unpleasant.

[CoffeeDay]

Pretty certain DH has some form of Aspergers and he's said this to me at least 4-5 times throughout our relationship. He takes things very literally and doesn't realise it might come across as harsh. The first time was similar to where you are now after 1 year of dating and I was pretty taken aback. The last time was two weeks ago regarding the wedding of one of our closest friends. We've been together for 10 years now, married for 3, have a daughter together and he told me bluntly he doesn't think I'm invited to the wedding because they may have to limit numbers due to covid. (We're not in the UK so limited gatherings are allowed). I had to laugh because it was so absurd and of course I later found out I was invited.

If your relationship is good otherwise then give him a second chance. Of course, time might prove that he WAS being an arse but it shouldn't be a deal breaker just yet.

[ChewaBewaNewaCewa]

@Eckhart he doesnt make me feel bad? This is the first time i've ever posted about our relationship. I posted this to stop me overreacting, I knew I was being silly

[Eckhart]

I was actually thinking that if your mental health is reliant on a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad, then it might be an idea for you to get more support.

[ChewaBewaNewaCewa]

@saleorbouy i wasnt expecting an invite, we do things seperately a lot

[saleorbouy]

He could have phrased it a bit better and more sensitively but in life there are things you go to as a couple and some events where you go on your own. This is obviously one of those occasions. Get over it, you might want a girls night out when you're able and he'll have to stay home himself.

[ChewaBewaNewaCewa]

@Eckhart but you unnecessarily came to this thread to say something horrible? So points either way

[ChewaBewaNewaCewa]

@Eckhart you were horrible to me on this thread for no reason? Belittling my mental health by saying this is the thing that saved my mental health. That's horrible.

And no i didnt agree with you. I said we'll agree that I saw him because I wanted to. Other than that i didnt agree with you

[Eckhart]

as you can see we had met up a few times if you read the thread and do you really need to be so bitchy

How quick you are to say horrible things. You said my comment on the other thread was 'awful', and later admitted it was true.

You really are unnecessarily defensive.

[Flittingabout]

@OhTheRoses

People will justify breaking the rules because they think they are exceptions. I don't think anyone doing so is listening to people they know/worry for them and the workers who would be risking their lives to care for them if they got sick, let alone MN strangers though.

[Mrsmadevans]

Sounds like a made up excuse tbh OP. I would be very suspicious.

[ChewaBewaNewaCewa]

@Eckhart as you can see we had met up a few times if you read the thread and do you really need to be so bitchy?

Thanks everyone for your comments! I read them all and I wont be dumping him him but you all really helped me not to overthink the comment so thank you!

[Eckhart]

@ChewaBewaNewaCewa

This is the meeting that saved your mental health, from your other thread?

[GarlicSoup]

What a cock

[gah2teenagers]

Reply to him. You know the rest of my life. You are not invited!

[lifestooshort123]

I think he was guilty of being abrupt and clumsy but nothing more. It's very easy on here to have all sorts of accusations thrown about when someone's actually innocent of wrongdoing. I would think his mate asked him over and said 'Bill and Ben will be coming over as well' in other words it's a blokes' catch up and not an 'on good behaviour' soiree. As he told you about the invite he opened his mouth and the words just came out. You don't sound bothered so I'd forget it (don't bother splitting up with him, it doesn't mean he's not a keeper).