To ask about cooking cheap frozen children in a slow cooker?

[TheShining]

most. Boring. Thread. Ever

DS accidentally put a pack of frozen beasts into the oven overnight, instead of the freezer.

They were still half frozen when I discovered them.

Will they be ok in the slow cooker? Or will I give them food poisoning?

I don't really understand this but you did make me laugh 😆

Wrap them in bedding before placing in the slow cooker/oven)cauldron. Keeps them naice and moist.
Just call them "long piglets in blankets" when you serve them up.

Teenagers just flop sulkily over the plate and ruin your appetite.

Would a child fed on Doritos be classed as "corn fed" and be more expensive?

Expensive and privately educated children go mouldy much quicker though

Much tastier though. Of course, I only ever get free-range, corn-fed, organic children.

Freudian slip - how many dc have you op? are they teenagers ?
(thinks -ultimate threat, I will put you both in the deep freezer & slow cook you if you don't stop attempting to kill each other -)

I have a really good cookbook for this kind of thing OP. Last night we had a very tasty Kate & Sidney Pie. Yum yum!
How to Cook Children: A Grisly Recipe Book www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1862057710/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_Zv-0EbW1HNPPF?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Oh my god I needed that laugh thank you so much!!!

Where are the MNetters who could feed a family of 5 for a week on a whole one?

Is it only the beastly children you freeze or also the well behaved ones?

I believe there is a saying along the lines ‘ I quite like children, but I could not eat a whole one’!

FFS, op. You need to test your eyesight, thought about you and the DC's going on a nice little drive to a local scenic ruin, anywhere within 30 miles or so will do. Especially if there is a river to sit by incase you feel sick from food poisoning after eating undercooked children.

I mean what could possibly go wrong from eating exotic foodstuffs? You didn't pay CK them up from a wet market did you?

@MikeUniformMike

Where are the MNetters who could feed a family of 5 for a week on a whole one?

I believe that one would have to go for Iceland (other frozen food store are available) for such a mythical creature raised on a diet of e-numbers and trans fats to maintain such a high meat yield. Best cooked from frozen of course.

Cheap chicken is kept in cruel conditions in places like Brazil, Thailand etc. Fed with a load of drugs like antibiotics to prevent them dying and to fatten them up.

Do you really want to eat that?

You could feed a family for a fortnight on mine, except he's 21, bigger than me, and a chef, so he'd probably render the fat and cook me. I think I would need a very long slow cook with lots of veg and aromatics to taste decent.

Ahaha. Along with the title, the frozen beasts in the OP has made me actually laugh at this thread, first time ever. Thanks for the mistakes

Title really cheered me up, thanks oo

reminds me of an advert
this is not any old children
this is m&s children

I would only ever cook expensive children in the slow cooker as the cheap ones are a bit rubbery.

Best autocorrect I have ever seen 😂

Thanks for all the laughs!

@BlackeyedSusan

FFS, op. You need to test your eyesight, thought about you and the DC's going on a nice little drive to a local scenic ruin, anywhere within 30 miles or so will do. Especially if there is a river to sit by incase you feel sick from food poisoning after eating undercooked children.

I mean what could possibly go wrong from eating exotic foodstuffs? You didn't pay CK them up from a wet market did you?

I'm blind. You could NOT make this shit up! Again, willing to provide proof if needed! 😂

sorry- was fattening up tomorrow's lunch with pizza.

These replies have had me howling! 😂

Another twist...I'm vegan, so won't be eating it anyway! 😂

OMG, my sides are splitting.

Cheap chicken is kept in cruel conditions in places like Brazil, Thailand etc. Fed with a load of drugs like antibiotics to prevent them dying and to fatten them up.

Not generally in the U.K.?