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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
DuckALaurent · 30/05/2020 17:04

Your DH is a massive knob.
Kids noise in the gardens in sunny days is normal. Your poor kids with him as a killjoy Dad.

DuckALaurent · 30/05/2020 17:05

And putting a letter through is absolute madness. He’s batshit and controlling.

I8toys · 30/05/2020 17:06

You married a fun sponge. This is what kids do especially when the weather is good. Concentrate of their enjoyment instead of everyone else.

Amichelle84 · 30/05/2020 17:07

It's sad when people dont let kids be kids.

GrimmsFairytales · 30/05/2020 17:07

They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it.

How long are they in it? I think this kind of behaviour at 10 and 12 does have the potential to be quite loud and irritating. Especially if it's for many hours each day.

However, your husband does seem to be over sensitive to noise.

LellyMcKelly · 30/05/2020 17:07

Your DH sounds vile and I feel very sorry for your children. If your neighbours hated it they would complain. Your husband is projecting. Is he always this controlling?

OneForMeToo · 30/05/2020 17:07

Honestly I don’t think others want to hear mine shouting or fighting to they get told once and if it happens again they are in they will learn what is acceptable if they want to play out. Just as I don’t want to hear other peoples kids screaming and fighting without a parent at least trying to control the situation and then bringing children in if they cannot calm down.

GreyishDays · 30/05/2020 17:07

Your DH’s view is not a common or usual one.

PrincessSarene · 30/05/2020 17:08

Noise is fine, as long as 1) it isn’t too early in the day, and 2) it’s not excessively loud. Other than that, crack on and enjoy the good weather Smile

Oysterbabe · 30/05/2020 17:08

Your DH sounds like a miserable prick.

SueEllenMishke · 30/05/2020 17:08

Your poor kids. Why aren't they allowed to play?

It's important to be considerate ....I have a 5 year old and I know kids can be noisy. If I think DS I'd getting too loud then he gets told to be quieter. However, we still let him play out!
Providing it's not all day every day I don't see the problem.

Waitingforboristoletusfree · 30/05/2020 17:09

I literally could not be with your husband. Your poor kids. Please let them play out

MinesAPintOfTea · 30/05/2020 17:09

Not for hours on end, but certainly some noise, especially when the kids have been locked in for months. Do you know any of your neighbors to chat to? Can you ask them if it bothers them, or if there's a time of day that they specifically want quiet?

He is being very unreasonable to empty out a whole pool of water when we are facing a hosepipe ban anyway...

SueEllenMishke · 30/05/2020 17:09

Oh and yeah. Your husband sounds like a controlling twat

mbosnz · 30/05/2020 17:10

I haven't got pools, but I have got teenagers, and I'm aware that with all of us at home all day every day, we could cause irritation just with normal living. I whacked a bottle of wine on their doorstep, with a note acknowledging this, and asking them to feel free to come and tell us if we are annoying them, and we will attempt to mitigate it to the best of our abilities. I think it bought us an awful lot of good will!

Shoxfordian · 30/05/2020 17:10

I agree with your dh
Kids are really annoying to live near

Whitelisbon · 30/05/2020 17:10

Mine have been out in the paddling pool all week, screaming, squealing and giggling.
There are no other kids within 10 or 12 houses at least, and not one neighbour has complained.
The lady next door was in her garden working yesterday, and i apologised for the noise, and she told me not to be silly, theyre kids and thats what kids do.
Your husband is an arse.

Bythebeach · 30/05/2020 17:10

Your husband sounds like the father and n Mary Poppins. It’s a sunny day, kids play in the garden. That’s normal. As long as they aren’t constantly screaming at the top of their lungs, I can’t see the big deal.

We hear the kids next door. I’m sure they hear ours.

We aren’t on an estate (although what difference does that make!!).

Cremebrule · 30/05/2020 17:11

I think there has to be a balance. I don’t like mine out in the garden all day as I don’t think it’s fair on the neighbours for hours on ends of noisy children but we absolutely use the garden and the children enjoy themselves. That for me was the whole point of having a garden. I’d also say that during lockdown, I think children more than ever need to play and have fun. Your husband is being a misery and quite horrid to dismantle it. A pool on a hot day is pretty normal.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 30/05/2020 17:11

Your dh sounds like he hates kids! Your poor children have to grow up with no other children to play with in the neighbourhood because of him and he wont even let them play in their own garden. What an arse

MrsCountryGirlTelford · 30/05/2020 17:11

Has your DH got noise sensitivity? Is he ok with other types of noise?

pinkazing · 30/05/2020 17:13

I think your husband had issues, so far this afternoon in our quiet street. We’ve had constant DIY noise, weird neighbour singing. A couple of kids playing birds cheeping. Me mumbling at the cupboard I am working on and we will soon be in the pool. We aren’t too loud, but there will be me and DS playing around so there will be noise. It’s just the background noise of living in a street. Kids having fun is essential imho at this time they’ve lost so much this year. They need a release.

Chickychoccyegg · 30/05/2020 17:13

Your dh sounds horrible and a rubbish dad.
We have a big paddling pool too, andnim conscious of not annoying the neighbours, so i quieten them down if theyre getting too noisy, but just normal kids having fun noise, is normal, i couldnt stay with someone like this.

TimeWastingButFun · 30/05/2020 17:13

Mine are 9 and 12 too and funnily enough they have a tyre for the pool as well which they fought over. I just bought another one this week. They play in it a lot, and do make a bit of noise but if it gets excessive I do warn them they won't be able to stay in it - they usually pipe down. A bit of general laughing and playing is absolutely no problem anyway!

ToothFairyNemesis · 30/05/2020 17:13

They are just being kids, your dh needs to lighten up a bit.