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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
Snaketime · 30/05/2020 17:26

He is being an arse. I cant believe he wont let his own kids play! Why did he even have kids if he doesn't like them?

PenguinMama · 30/05/2020 17:26

Why not ask your neighbours? If you talk to them and say it'll only be for a couple of hours max and screaming will get dealt with then you can find out if they mind.

Given playgrounds are shut, not sure what your husband is expecting really - it sounds like he had a "children should be seen and not heard" Victorian belief thereSad

category12 · 30/05/2020 17:27

What a nob.

Hugglespuffed · 30/05/2020 17:28

Oh gosh your poor kids. How have you got this far without them being kids playing happily in the garden? Your husband is such a killjoy! Kids playing in the garden is fine.
I have no kids, my neighbours have young kids, they are constantly saying hello when I'm pottering in the garden, parents keep apologising and I always say it is fine, they are kids. I'd rather hear happy kids in the garden than them feeling like they can't even go in their own garden!

verybritishproblems · 30/05/2020 17:28

Next door have been out almost everyday with their kid in the pool and he screams and screeches all day, ear piercing tantrum type screaming and shouting not shrieks of laughter, if I played Slipknot at that level though, there would be issues.... My garden is currently a stressful place to be.

Chottie · 30/05/2020 17:29

OP - today I have had one neighbour using a power hose on and off all afternoon, another is using a chain saw to cut something up and a third has her DD and two DGDs in the garden, playing and laughing.

Have I complained? no - and I won't be either. Your DH sounds quite unreasonable.

NameChange2PostThis · 30/05/2020 17:30

Your DH is a controlling miserable arsehole fun sponge who shouldn’t be allowed to live anywhere near people. He is going to have an aneurysm when your older neighbours start having grandchildren come to stay.

Personally I enjoy hearing our neighbours’ young kids playing in their gardens. Our older kids use our garden to play as well because they live here too Grin . The only noises that are unacceptable imo are screeching, prolonged shouting, persistent dog barking, constant power tools/diy and music (because not everyone shares your taste).
We all have lives to lead. He needs to chill the fuck out. And apologetic letters?! WTF I’m embarrassed for him. Why do you put up with it, OP?

WendyHoused · 30/05/2020 17:31

Your husband is being a controlling arse. Your poor kids.

LazyDaisy10 · 30/05/2020 17:31

Can you knock and ask neighbour's if the noise is bothering them? He does sound a bit of a knob to fair? I dont like too much noise but if its during the day, not too late nor early I think people like to hear children having fun

morelikeaclubsandwich · 30/05/2020 17:31

Forget your husband - why don't you just have a nice chat with your neighbours (at a distance of course) and find out what they actually think

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 30/05/2020 17:32

I'm sorry, OP, I really feel for you and your kids. Your husband sounds controlling, unreasonable and unpleasant.

He insisted you move somewhere quiet, he won't let your kids play outside?

I'm sorry, I don't usually suggest very dramatic measures, but I couldn't stay with someone who was so horrible to my children.

As for the noise of kids playing out - I'm someone who generally hates noise and resents it. I just don't care about kids making noise, it's like getting pissed off with birdsong.

Ameliablue · 30/05/2020 17:33

Your husband has to let your children be children.

snowybean · 30/05/2020 17:33

Your husband is being very unreasonable. You should fill the paddling pool back up 👌

Pipandmum · 30/05/2020 17:35

We live in a very family oriented neighbourhood- not the ones either side of me but all the houses behind us have kids as the street is between a primary and a secondary school. So we have kids noises most of the day - especially now. There is one child with a particularly high pitched voice which can grate but other than that it is just background sounds - nice to hear kids enjoying themselves! I think it would be particularly churlish to object to hearing children outside playing, though I would try and not let them out too early. Swearing and shouting is different.

ChikiTIKI · 30/05/2020 17:36

Sounds like he doesn't like children.

What if they wrote the letters saying "sorry for the noise, don't worry our dad has taken the pool down now" then you could see what the response is. If they don't respond then they probably found you annoying. If they didn't then they will let you know. Then you will have evidence to justify the children playing normally in the future.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 30/05/2020 17:36

*'husbands pure disgust

hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden

hubby didn't like children playing in the street.

He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly.

we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable

Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate

He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors

he is fuming that I have undermined him.*

OP. I'm really sorry.

PersephoneandHades · 30/05/2020 17:37

Kids making noise is absolutely fine (obviously) as long as it is not constant screeching and is not for hours and hours on end. I think it is inconsiderate to constantly be making noise of any kind all day straight, but you should be able to enjoy your garden without your husband confiscating the pool

HaddawayAndShite · 30/05/2020 17:37

He sounds like he has more of a problem with his children than the neighbours. What an arsehole.
For what it’s worth children shouting and screaming isn’t ok, but normal volumes of playing is fine. I’d assume because of their age they would understand that. I’d rebuild pool and drown the miserable cunt in it.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 30/05/2020 17:38

As long as it’s not for prolonged periods every day, then it’s fine.

Kids have been at home now for 9 weeks. That’s unheard of, and especially with such a long spell of good weather.

Your husband must have had a joyless childhood if he thinks that playing in the garden is U

Crabbo · 30/05/2020 17:38

Your husband is a twat, why did he have kids if he doesn’t want them to behave like kids? I’d put the pool back up.

MyHipsDontLieUnfortunately · 30/05/2020 17:38

People who don't like the normal outdoor sounds of day to day living should do us all a favour and stay inside. Miserable bastards.

CannonCaboodle · 30/05/2020 17:38

Wow. Just wow. Did your husband even want kids?

PileofToss · 30/05/2020 17:38

I live next door to 2 kids who also have a paddling pool. They’ve been in it every day during the hot weather, clearly really enjoying themselves.

I don’t have kids and there aren’t loads in our neighbourhood, but I have no issue with hearing them playing. I’d be sad to think of them being stuck inside on their devices and not enjoying the outside.

When you live close to other people, especially when we’ve largely got nowhere else to go, that’s just life! Tell your DH he’s a fun sponge and get the pool out tomorrow

WitchQueenofDarkness · 30/05/2020 17:39

Mine have been out in the paddling pool all week, screaming, squealing and giggling. There are no other kids within 10 or 12 houses at least, and not one neighbour has complained

Probably because they fear they'll be ones told they are being unreasonable if they do.

Like us they may not be saying anything but you can be sure they are thinking plenty.

isittooearlyforgin · 30/05/2020 17:39

I listen to my neighbours kids play all day in this sunny weather and sometimes they argue and sometimes they fight but do you know what...it’s lockdown and my neighbour is doing an admirable job in extreme circumstances, I feel their need to play outside is greater than my need for peace and quiet. I really believe that anyone caring will agree with that.