paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

What a miserable father. Honestly your poor kids!

He is pretending to be concerned with the neighbours because he just doesn’t want to deal with his own children. He needs to get a fucking grip. My neighbours kids play on their trampoline or paddling pool all day and it doesn’t bother me. It’s part of living next to anyone.

Your poor kids.

What’s the point of a garden you can’t use?

Your husband sounds completely miserable

Look nothing we can say on here is going to make you do the right thing and leave this ' man ' but I will say this.......He's taking away your children's childhood. And one day they're going to look back at this. Probably when they have their own kids. And the blame's going to land firmly on you. Because you're the one person who could have done something about it, and chose not to.

Oh my goodness! I've lived with the neighbours from hell. You aren't at all. Your kids are a bit noisy for a bit everyday. Not all day everyday for heavens sake, keep an eye on them, get them to keep it down a little bit if they are over the top and tell your husband to stop being a mung bean. Seriously he needs help, I feel really upset he dismantled the kids pool, who does that? Silly silly man. Take care OP and talk to him about this, it's odd.

I can’t get over him making you go to a park rather than use your own property

He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly

So he threw a massive strop In order to control his children- he’s a bully.
The fact you had to spend hours out of the house with them when they were small means you have spent their childhood walking on eggshells around him to prevent him having a tantrum.

Kids will be kids. Playing in the garden is normal. As long as they are not shrieking screaming all afternoon then i genuinely do not see the problem.

I’d be so fucking angry with your husband. How dare he take it down!
I grew up living above my parents Children’s Nursery. When they applied for planning permission to extend, a neighbour wrote in support saying she loved sitting in the garden listening to the children playing.
Not everyone is a miserable so and so. If the neighbours were annoyed there is a fair chance they’d have told you already. If you buy a house with neighbours you need to accept you’ll hear them sometimes.

Your husband sounds like has the ability to dap the life out of life itself. He has a problem. He is projecting. He needs a spundprooded spot or better still to drive to an isolated spot daily.
Children at school are send out at break times to shout and tun around. The government health professionals. Everyone etc. Lecture about the benefits and infact necessity of being outside
and being active for physical and mental health.
Fun promotes fell hood receptors which promote hoodental mental heath. Being outside is giving the loads of vitamin d.
If people cant cope with two hours of slightly noisy children a day (as long as it isnt really wild and loud) then there isnt a problem. Your husband obviously has learnt these strange ideas from somewhere. It is presumably a reflection if his own intolerance though. Get him some sound cancelling earphones or hypnotherapy. Thatd my only suggestion..really I cant imagine how you tolerate living with someone like that.your poor children.

he’s a bully.

This. How come he gets to decide where you live, what is and isn't acceptable, where your kids can play, what they can do and can't do, while you have to go along and comply with his requirements or he is 'disgusted' and furious?

Apart from the kids (which is a pretty major, if not the major area of most relationships), how is he? Does he insist on making all the decisions? Is he critical?

Mine are older now, but I'd be delighted to hear children playing next door. I wouldn't even mind hearing them fighting. Especially not at the moment, when there's not much else for them to do.

Oh, and your husband is being completely unreasonable.

We have no children and live near fair few young families and next doors kids in particurlar are very noisy. It does not bother us at all. Your husband is a miserable git. Let your children play outside and enjoy the warm weather.

Odd that your husband had children when he very clearly hates children.

If you reassembled the paddling pool, refilled it ready for tomorrow, and calmly told him that the children will be playing in it tomorrow, how would he react?

It’s all right at weekends, less so during the week as more and more are working from home

@cola2019
Has it ever crossed your mind to stand up to tour husband?

He may well find himself loathed by his children with no relationship in the future but then this might not bother him. Have you ever mentioned this to him?
Do upurchildren say anything to him or are they frightened of him. They are old enough to sensibly state they are upset and believe he is giving them no consideration or respect as people.

Does he even like his kids op?

This honestly makes me so sad, childhood is so fleeting and children can't have a normal experience of it. What would happen if you challenged him on his actions/ viewpoint. Because in my marriage he wouldn't have emptied the pool anyway but if he had I would have had no problems filling it back up again and telling him to stop being a miserable git.

The fact you moved house twice and spent long days at the park just to appease him is really concerning to me.

He is a miserable controlling twat.

I think it depends on the kind of noise. Some kids play and laugh and it’s actually very lovely to hear in the background I find, some kids play and shout and screech at the tops of their voices as if they’ve never encountered water - that’s a bit harder to bear. But for a few hours I don’t think it matters.

My poor sister lives beside what is essentially a student house. The parents moved jobs and bought another house about 150 miles and live in this house with their younger child. The eldest child is a college student about 19 or 20 years old. Her boyfriend is over practically all the time. There is another person living there as well paying rent. In my sister's words since lockdown started it's been party central. As in 2am in the morning partying. She's hoping to sell up and move somewhere quieter! Amongst other things the boyfriend who was only working on Saturdays before the pandemic started, was throwing cigarette butt's into my sister's garden. She has a 19 month old toddler. They were asked to stop doing this, yet it continued. Eventually my bil gathered up the butt's and posted them through their letter box. My sister is wfh. She has a 12 and 10 year she is trying to home school. My bil works as a healthcare worker, and is putting in long hours at the moment. It's just so selfish. Kids playing in a back garden is not really anything to get worked up about.

Oops. Didn't realise it was so long!!

He undermined you when he dismantled their paddling pool. Twit.