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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 30/05/2020 17:50

I think as long as a) the odd time you tell them to keep it down (as much for the neighbours to hear if anything) and b) if you're ever talking to the neighbours you put on a little show of being mortified, you're fine. And obviously if they're being out control and screechy you get them to tone it down but laughing, playing? It'd take someone very cranky to be annoyed by that! Also I love that you just got them the paddling Pooland it's their first one, I'm considering doing this as my eldest are 10 and 12 and I'm thinking I'd love them to get to experience this!

Floatyboat · 30/05/2020 17:51

Your husband's a prick. He should just stay inside and close the windows.

Home42 · 30/05/2020 17:51

Your husband is a twat. Kids playing out and yelling is normal and lovely to hear!

Bluesmartiesarethebest · 30/05/2020 17:51

I only got halfway through your post. Omg. Pack him off to play bowls at the local community centre with the rest of the 70 year olds 🙄 bloody spoilt sport

CelestialSpanking · 30/05/2020 17:53

I couldn’t live that- as in with a husband like that. It must be like walking on eggshells.

Please don’t make your kids write sorry letters to the neighbours as even if the noise is a little too much for them they’ll think you’re batshit. I doubt most people (even those in an older age bracket) would mind a couple of hours or whatever a day of kids having fun in their own garden in this weather.

Megan2018 · 30/05/2020 17:54

Your poor kids. What a dreadful man, my DH can be a little uptight but your DH is awful.
How terribly sad @cola2019

MrsWooster · 30/05/2020 17:54

Your 'd'h is controlling and, imo, abusive.

Bubblysqueak · 30/05/2020 17:55

What a killjoy! He would hate me at the moment both me and ds were in the paddling pool early and I may have screeched a little when ds poured water over me.

Rosebel · 30/05/2020 17:55

Your husband sounds horrible. Next door have a pool like yours and yes their children splash and shout. I wouldn't expect anything less and better for them to be outside. We have a smaller pool and I do worry about the children making too much noise but most of our neighbours feel like I do, that children should be able to enjoy being outside.
If my children fight then they have to come in but generally they're pretty good and usually inside by 6 and not out before 11 /12 so plenty of quiet time for our neighbours.
Your husband is very mean to your children and I'd consider if you really want him around them.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/05/2020 17:56

I fell for him because of his maturity and his depth of proper conversation. He wasn't silly like other boys in their 20's unfortunately I have grown to realise that because of this maturity he cannot relate to children.

Maturity doesn’t stop you relating to children. Selfishness and unwillingness to put yourself in the position of others does.

OutOfHours · 30/05/2020 17:56

You married a monster, and your children wont forget it.

Im very sorry you.
Put the pool back up immediately, and offer to buy him some headphones/earplugs. Horrible twat.

mrscampbellblackagain · 30/05/2020 17:56

Definitely not really about a paddling pool. OP - you should maybe start a new thread in relationships.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 30/05/2020 17:56

My “children” are grown up now. I can currently here the grandchildren who are visiting a couple of doors up laughing, a Little bit of mild shouting, And some squeals as they splash in the paddling pool. The noise is no issue to me to song as it stops by around 9 pm. The huge number of adults etc breaking lockdown there is what annoys me but that’s another story.

OPs DH is a miserable sod.

OhioOhioOhio · 30/05/2020 17:57

Yip. One of the times I delight in my divorce.

Soubriquet · 30/05/2020 17:57

Let your kids play

There isn’t much else for them to do

Etinox · 30/05/2020 17:58

Your husband sounds controlling.

DarkDarkNight · 30/05/2020 17:58

He is weird. Did he actually ever want children? It doesn’t sound like it.

nettytree · 30/05/2020 17:59

My kids are a similar age. I love hearing them playing outside. Only tell them off when they get a little loud. My dad never liked us make a noise when I was younger and I'm sure it's why I'm introverted.

WaktiWapnasi · 30/05/2020 18:00

You are married to a joy extinguisher.

Of course you have to be considerate, I have retirees both sides so we don't let the kids out to early/to late or too long and we also police the shrieking. If we notice they have guest over (not at the moment obvs) we don't let them play out or tell them to play quietly, but the rest of the time they get free reign. Children are entitled to enjoy their gardens as much as anyone else and childrens noise in moderation is just something neighbours have to put up with.

magicstar1 · 30/05/2020 18:00

I don’t like loads of noise...we bought a detached house in a quiet cul de sac because of this. Even I’m not that grumpy that your kids playing for a couple of hours in this glorious weather would bother me. Your husband is an uptight git, who needs to calm down and let the kids enjoy themselves.

Takingontheworld · 30/05/2020 18:01

I felt stressed just reading that. Your poor kids. Your husband has fucking issues man. Jeeeesus.

Xenia · 30/05/2020 18:02

My 6 immediate neighbours are just about all over 80 and quiet as mice - ideal....... However one family 2 doors up have chidlren in their garden for a few hours a day and that's fine. We cannot lock children up. As my mothe used to say at church/mass if there were no children here making a noise there would be no church, no future church. Same with our society. In fact as the nearest school is closed my garden is much quieter during play times during the week but even so I wish the schools were back so children could be children again and play with their friends at break etc.

OneMoreLight · 30/05/2020 18:06

I don't mind the kids playing noise but the shrieking and arguing drives me mad (husband also autistic noise sensitive) we're child free, we put music on in the garden. If other people can have the shrieking and arguing we can have the music.

Unpopular opinion on here I know.

Disclaimer, we're in a detached house already and can't afford a house with loads of land.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 30/05/2020 18:09

He sounds really crazy!

thethoughtfox · 30/05/2020 18:09

Doubt this is about the neighbours. Your husband would have been happy to live in a family filled estate where all the children were playing together. He admits noise would be expected there. I think he doesn't want to hear them. is this the only area of your lives that he is controlling about?