paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

[cola2019]

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

I am an old grump about a lot of neighbours noise - apart from kids playing. Love to hear them shouting and laughing.

Splashing is also such a summery sound, close your eyes and pretend you are on holiday.

@ScrimpshawTheSecond

I'm sorry, OP, I really feel for you and your kids. Your husband sounds controlling, unreasonable and unpleasant.

He insisted you move somewhere quiet, he won't let your kids play outside?

I'm sorry, I don't usually suggest very dramatic measures, but I couldn't stay with someone who was so horrible to my children.

As for the noise of kids playing out - I'm someone who generally hates noise and resents it. I just don't care about kids making noise, it's like getting pissed off with birdsong.

Spot on analogy with getting pissed off at birdsong - this ^

Tbh I would question whether your husband is well.

Your DH is coming across as an intolerant person and a pretty nasty father in this scenario.

I don't like the way your husband talks to you about it and the fact that he didn't want the children in the garden when they were small - presumably only when he was at home - is terrible!

I'm 70 and am quite happy to hear children laughing and playing in their gardens, I would be unreasonable not to and anyway my own made enough noise to wake the dead years ago.

However, your children at 10 and 12 are old enough to understand how to keep their voices down out of consideration for neighbours who may not like too much of it. Though I have to say two hours a day doesn't seem too much to me. Miserable old gits. Do they not have a front room they can sit in?

I'm glad your kids are having fun.

It’s not paddling pool etiquette you need I’m afraid. Be a strong woman, standing up for yourself and asking why your husbands views and opinions trump yours.
What kind of fat controller is this man. He sounds like a very uptight, boring, control freak. The etiquette with dealing with those type of men is to kick em to the kerb 🤪

Everyone should be mindful of their neighbours and keep noise to a minimum, but they’re 12 and 10, not toddlers. I can’t imagine they are squealing, screaming or generating annoying levels of noise.

This is isn’t about what’s reasonable or the neighbours and their expectations, wants, or irritations, it’s about his. He doesn’t expect or want to have to hear children playing. Ever. That’s why you moved twice and now live somewhere without children in the neighbouring houses.

It doesn’t matter how long they’re out there, or how little noise they make, he will always say it’s too much and he’s using the neighbours as an excuse.

Does he expect this kind of thing from them in other areas of their lives? Of yours? Is he always so controlling?

No harm in kids playing and having fun laughing and making a reasonable level
of noise. Although at the moment I am
WFH if it was excessive and on a workday I have the patio doors open to fee the breeze and help keep me cool. So if it happened on a workday at the moment and it is either excessive noise or it goes on too long I would be annoyed if unable to concentrate for it.

Your husband has chosen to opt out of family estates due to noise but then had a family? The only person to have an issue with the noise is him. Plus, quite frankly, he's not the "boss" of the family and he doesn't get to enforce his preferences. So given he didn't take your preferences or those of your children into account, you haven't undermined him at all. He's undermining your children's happiness and your own relationship with his crap behaviour.

I loved the noise from our neighbours children before we had them, made me so excited to have babies. My older parents love it where they live, as they get reminded of their grandchildren and all the fun they can have.

You've had to MOVE HOUSE because your husband doesn't like children playing in the street? Your poor children. Your next house move should be you and your kids moving out and leaving the miserable sod to live his life extremely quietly all on his own.

Me and husband are over 50. Our kids are 10 and 13. They’re bouncing noisily on trampoline most days during lockdown, constantly bickering too. Our neighbours are mostly older than us, and only one other neighbour on our cul de sac has children.

It’s lockdown, kids can’t be expected to stay indoors constantly , and as long as you’re exercising restraint (ie kids aren't in the garden from 10am to 8pm non stop!) I can’t see the problem.

Your husband has over reacted, but there’s room for compromise here. The kids can still play outside for hours every day, but it can be staggered, an hour or two at a time once or twice a day maybe.

Your husband can’t speak for the neighbours. It is definitely his issue and he does sound like a dementor (poor kids!)

An hour a day is fine.

If it is nonstop yelling, then two hours would be a bit much.

If they argue over it maybe take turns using it?

What an arse!

He's going to be a miserable neighbour to some poor sod when existing neighbours move on and young families move in. It's the cycle of streets it's what happens.

At 10 & 12 another year or two they won't be interested in paddling pools. Let them enjoy while they are young enough.

They aren't far off being teens either. Guess what, teens will choose the most welcoming house to hang out in. And from the sounds of it, its unlikely to be your house. Or they'll be off meeting their friends in parks and places. Be very careful that he doesn't drive your kids away from you.

PS: Sorry I seem to have misunderstood a bit of your op, your neighbours don't appear to be 'miserable old gits' (but we know who is one).

What you are doing is fine and good for the children. The only thing in which I agree with your husband is I would never have liked to live somewhere where children played in the street and never have, that is what back gardens are for if people have them, or the park.

They're kids and it's lockdown. I really wouldn't worry. I thought ours may have been a bit loud at first until our neighbour commented that she didn't know how we kept them so quiet I am much less concerned now

He has issues with noise and mess which are the 2 things that children do make. I fell for him because of his maturity and his depth of proper conversation. He wasn't silly like other boys in their 20's unfortunately I have grown to realise that because of this maturity he cannot relate to children. He has never done much with us because he can't cope with the chaos of children. When they were little we were always out at the park so we didn't create mess or noise we rarely used the garden because he didn't think it was fair - even at the old house which was a street with lots of children in. Now they are getting older they seem to be on their devices more which suits him down to the ground!

My neighbours have been screaming and shouting and swearing at each other in a swimming pool (one of those put you up ones) for the last 3 hours. I've just asked them if they could shut up so I can try and enjoy my garden a bit today without hearing the free flying F word. I live in a really quiet road. I hate them right now.

I let my kid play and stuff, but not for hours and hours non-stop. That's not fair.

I'm generally not a fan of hearing kids when I don't want to - but even I think your husband is a miserable git. Unless you're living in a retirement village, there's no such thing as a kid free neighbourhood. As long as your kids aren't obscenely loud, I really don’t se the issue.

@cola2019

He has issues with noise and mess which are the 2 things that children do make. I fell for him because of his maturity and his depth of proper conversation. He wasn't silly like other boys in their 20's unfortunately I have grown to realise that because of this maturity he cannot relate to children. He has never done much with us because he can't cope with the chaos of children. When they were little we were always out at the park so we didn't create mess or noise we rarely used the garden because he didn't think it was fair - even at the old house which was a street with lots of children in. Now they are getting older they seem to be on their devices more which suits him down to the ground!

So you spent hours out of the house when they were small to cater to his issues with noise and mess? Surely you see this isn’t typical, and isn’t a healthy environment for the 3 of you?

This is way bigger than a paddling pool.

Ah pre baby I was as miserable as they come about other people's kids and even I enjoyed listening to the wee lad next door splashing and squealing with joy in his pool! It's just the normal sound of summer when you live close to other houses. Like people mowing their lawn at 9am on a Sunday morning.

Kids being out in the garden playing is fine. Kids out in the garden screaming, shouting and fighting is not.

That's what kids are supposed to do

Your husband is a prick, sorry.
Grow a pair and go fill the pool back up!

Also another one rather concerned with the dynamic of your relationship. He sounds unreasonable and unpleasant on quite a few points.

We’re also the youngest in our street by quite a long way. We have a lovely large garden and I’m often aware that the youngest two are occasional foghorns. And have apologised for any noise when neighbours comment about them, but that’s always been met with how much they enjoy hearing children play. I’m sure it can be annoying, but they’re not always out there or always screaming.

I also vote you put the pool straight back up. Your two are not seeing their friends or getting the chance to play properly as they would if we weren’t currently experiencing this pandemic. Screens can be fantastic, but if this is the only thing getting them out into the fresh air and sun sunshine regularly then I think they need it.

If you feel the noise is excessive, tell them to keep it down, make sure the time they get out there isn’t unreasonable and it’s not all day every day. I don’t think you need to ask to your neighbours. But if you feel it’ll help back up your argument with your husband, then go for it.

💐