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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

paddling pool etiquette or garden play in general

528 replies

cola2019 · 30/05/2020 17:02

AIBU to ask fellow mumsnetters about paddling pool or garden etiquette in general??

Kids are 12 and 10 and I bought an 8ft pool for them at husbands pure disgust. Bought it on Tuesday and they have been it everyday. They splash and throw each other off a tyre they may shout a bit and perhaps sometimes they do "fight" over it. Usually busy doing other stuff in the mornings and I am struggling to get them out for a walk because of corona so this gets them off their devices. However hubby says the neighbours do not want to hear children shouting and screaming all day. 1. It isn't all day and 2. It is playing - maybe arguing a couple of times like kids do.

When they were little he didn't like them in the garden so i used to spend all sunny afternoons at the park where they could play to their hearts content.

We live in a street with predominantly older neighbours because the twice we lived in a close and a crescent with lots of families we had to move because hubby didn't like children playing in the street. They were literally outside for 1.5 hours!!! I thought it could end like this as he is not working today but thought I would give it a chance. He has chucked the water out and dismantled it now until they learn to play quietly. Both kids are now both back inside on their devices!!!! I tried to get them out I really did.

Do neighbours mind on a sunny day kids playing outside for 2 hours?? Our neighbours are ok a little strait laced and all in the over 50's bracket but we had to choose a house somewhere where my husband would feel comfortable as the 2 other house moves were disastrous due to lots of families living close by!!! I am sure other kids are out in their pools and I seen photos on facebook. Hubby says it is ok if you live on an estate where you have chosen to be surrounded by children but we made the choice to pay more and get ourselves out of the 'kids everywhere' bubble and the neighbours will be so angry that their peace has been shattered. He has told the kids they need to put a sorry letter through the 2 next door neighbours doors - I have stuck up for the kids and said they don't need to and he is fuming that I have undermined him. Please be honest but who is right here. I think I am but the more I think about it now I am thinking maybe it isn't fair on the neighbours and I should have forced them out on their bikes or a day trip to the beach for the day.

OP posts:
Abbccc · 30/05/2020 17:13

Noise from happ playing children is absolutely fine. Screeching is not. Of course they should be able to play outside!

ExplodingCarrots · 30/05/2020 17:13

He sounds like the type 'kids should be seen and not heard' . He's being mega unreasonable and not letting children be children. I couldn't live like that.
I could understand if they were screeching
or screaming but it sounds like normal playing noise. It sounds like he doesn't like the sound of children playing at all .

We live in an area that's predominantly older people and I've apologised before for my DD being loud in the garden but they've all said they love the sound of her enjoying herself .

steppemum · 30/05/2020 17:13

your husband is really controlling.

When your kids were little he didn't like them in the garden?

What does he think gardens are for???

I find this really shocking. The level of control of you and the children is really, really shocking.
I hope that he isn't as controlling in other areas of life.

Elouera · 30/05/2020 17:13

I think he is right to be conscious of neighbours! If they were playing loud music, hammering or causing a noise that could be heard from your garden, I'm sure you wouldn't be so happy. its incredibly annoying and unsocial, and the neighbours have a right to have peace in their garden and enjoy the sunshine also!

Yes, they are kids, but they aren't toddlers and they are YOURS. Your neighbours didn't choose to have them. I'm not saying that can't make a peep, but you said yourself they fight at times, spash and shout. This would absolutely annoy the hell out of me!

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 30/05/2020 17:13

Your DH is dick. Why on earth did he have kids, it sounds like he doesn't like them very much, not even his own. And you didn't make the choice to get out of the 'kids everywhere bubble', he did. Controlling knob. If they grow up and then he wants to be involved in their lives he's in for a fucking rude awakening, they won't want to know him. And that may mean you'll see less of them too, and be left with a miserable twat of a man.

firawla · 30/05/2020 17:14

Nothing wrong at all with kids our playing. Your dh is way ott, and if I got a sorry letter through the door because of this I would feel sorry for the kids!

Butterbeaninjeans · 30/05/2020 17:15

Your man's a wanker, sorry.

HotPenguin · 30/05/2020 17:15

Why did your husband have kids? He sounds awful. I think arguing in the garden is inconsiderate and I would send them inside for 10 minutes if they do that. But playing is normal. Presumably your DH doesn't write a letter of apology every time you mow the lawn?

SlightlySleepy · 30/05/2020 17:16

He sounds like a control freak. Why does his wants and opinions get to override everyone else's? He chose to move to a quite location even though he had kids, so that he could have peace. But that means the kids had to move away from other people to play with and now have to be quiet to maintain the peace that only he wanted.

ChasingRainbows19 · 30/05/2020 17:16

I'd rather kids playing and making noise than parties with loud annoying music or people singing karaoke etc....

DontTouchTheMoustache · 30/05/2020 17:16

I would incidentally much rather listen to the sound of kids playing than the repetitive thud thud thud of my neighbours awful dance music

RincewindsHat · 30/05/2020 17:17

I think your husband sounds very considerate of the neighbours. If it was all day, the noise would drive me nuts (especially if you're that one family in an otherwise quiet street and your kids are the only thing ruining the peace - people do find that frustrating, along with all the other standard noisy neighbour stuff) but if it really is limited to 2 hours a day I would not have an issue with it. I think you just need a balance between kids making loud noise and not making loud noise.

Dillo10 · 30/05/2020 17:18

Have sat in my garden all day listening to either

  1. Kids screaming in paddling pool or
  2. Kids jumping on trampolines

It's crossed my mind a couple of times that I'd like some real peace and quiet but I then remind myself that they're kids having fun and it's usually nice and quiet later (5pm onwards) and I'll enjoy my book in the sun then

Basically I won't lie, it's slightly annoying but in the grand scheme of things people can deal with it IMHO

Dogsaresomucheasier · 30/05/2020 17:18

If they have reached squabbling they need bringing in, but your dh is unreasonable overall. If he has kids he needs to tolerate the noise of them playing,

Waveysnail · 30/05/2020 17:18

WHAT! I live in quiet area. Mine are not allowed in paddling pool until 10.30am, they screech really loudly so remind them often. They get sick after half hour and come in. This happens about 4 times over a day. Which I think is reasonable and they are not allowed to shout and screech after 6pm. As long as it's not all day, I dont see the issue

PirateWeasel · 30/05/2020 17:20

What Don'tTellTheMoustache said. Your husband obvs has a bit of paranoia about what the neighbours think, but nobody reasonable expects children to be silent, especially on a hot day in lockdown! I love peace and quiet but wouldn't bat an eyelid at the sound of children playing. As long as there's no music playing. My absolute pet peeve!!!

ThatsBullshirt · 30/05/2020 17:21

Kids are only young once. I think your DH is being completely unreasonable. I've two kids under 4 and they can be really noisy whether they are inside or outside (we live mid-terrace). I do tell them to keep the noise down, remind them to use quiet voices and not scream but it's summer! The weather is gorgeous and kids need to be outside playing and having fun. The garden is the perfect place to do that, especially with the whole covid-19 lockdown/restrictions.

I do feel for my neighbours sometimes when they are being noisy because it drives me mad too but they are only little. That being said, one of my neighbours plays music out their window from about 9 in the morning until 9 at night when the weather is nice so if we have to put up with that it's only fair that my kids get to laugh and occasionally shout! So long as your kids aren't screaming obscenities or anything like that then I do not see the problem at all.

FrowningFlamingo · 30/05/2020 17:21

Your husband sounds, erm, unusual in his attitudes and needs to lighten up a bit. Also, why Is it you that has to take them to the park if he doesn’t like them playing in the garden? Does he do any parenting himself?

On the other hand, they’re old enough to know better and shouldn’t be making a huge disturbance imo.

There’s probably a balance to be had but your husband’s attitude certainly sounds a bit extreme.

GreyhoundzRool · 30/05/2020 17:21

I can’t stand screaming but playing/ laughing & a bit of shouting is ok

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 30/05/2020 17:21

This is so full of red flags you could use it as a slalom skiing course Shock

He’s controlling
He doesn’t want his own children to play
He thinks they owe people an apology for playing
He’s unilaterally decided he can dismantle the pool
He didn’t let them use the garden as small children
He insisted you move house because there were families around, even though you’re also a family

I couldn’t live like this, I genuinely couldn’t be with someone who saw his own children as an inconvenience. Are you happy in the marriage? Do your kids like their dad?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/05/2020 17:23

He sounds like a right misery guts. It’s considerate to make sure the children aren’t out all day making noise, but a couple of hours is fine.

Hopoindown31 · 30/05/2020 17:23

Let them play! They've been couped up inside away from their friends for ages.

MiniMum97 · 30/05/2020 17:23

Our neighbours have a new c large paddling pool and two children about 7&9 I think. I love the sound of them playing in the pool. It's a very summery sound.

catfeets · 30/05/2020 17:24

@DontTouchTheMoustache sadly I have both to listen to. Wish I could drown her in the fucking pool then throw her bastard Alexa speakers in with her.
Currently on my 6th hour of listening to her wank dance music and I'm ready for stamping on her face.
My poor baby has been awake all day as the pounding shakes the floor and the sound is ridiculously loud. 2hrs ago she opened all the windows and doors and took some speakers outside so we can all listen to it. It's relentless. But I guess the bright side is that the kids aren't screaming in the pool anymore Angry
Can't approach her as she's a nightmare to deal with, plus violent and argumentative as standard. We want to move ASAP so need to keep things amicable.

BarbedBloom · 30/05/2020 17:26

I really hate screaming and scratching, we don't have children. But I would find it infinitely less annoying than the constant DIY or my neighbor who has a bonfire every single day.

I would struggle to use my garden if kids were screaming or screeching constantly and I am shielding, so the garden is the only outside space I have. But at the same time it is a hot day and I wouldn't mind an afternoon of it with a few quiet hours in the evening.

I also don't like the sound of your husband much to be honest