To want to get a dog when my husband doesn't want one.

[BBOA]

My DS has been desperate for a dog for literally 10 years. Now 15. Like really desperate. DH is not an animal lover as was never brought up with them. DD is 12 and not that fussed about animals either. Couldn't even remember the names of her goldfish and didn't cry when one died! I love dogs and grew up with them so wouldn't be adverse to getting one. Maybe a dog rather than a puppy though as I'd prefer to give a rescue one a home. We compromised with a rabbit 6 years ago but lockdown has brought it all up again. Interested to hear how others have dealt with this issue. I know it's a big thing in terms of cost, time, commitment and £££, but convince me why DH gets the last word please. How have others got over this hurdle?

I suppose I just can't imagine being with a partner who wouldn't go along with something that I really, desperately wanted. My pets make me very happy, and I think my life would be incomplete without them. Even though my partner might not have chosen a house full of animals himself, he doesn't want me to feel the way I would feel without them.

But surely you wouldn't be with your partner if the two of you were that incompatible? My DH wasn't all that keen on having a cat but I had one and he was prepared to co-exist with her. I have 3 now and he's got used to the idea now (our DDs love them). I don't know how it would have played out if he'd been allergic as he is with dogs, thankfully we didn't have to face them.

I don't think I'd be with him if he'd refused out of hand to accept any pets, that would mean that we were incompatible.

I suppose I just can't imagine being with a partner who wouldn't go along with something that I really, desperately wanted.

Stompythedinosaur And I just couldn’t imagine being with a partner who was so selfish they’d repeatedly nag me into changing our entire life.

Having a dog might make you happy but at the expense of your partner, who the dog would make miserable. How could you think that was ever okay?

SoupDragon and Heartsonacake -

"I would leave anyone who did that as it shows they cannot respect my wishes and have a low opinion of me, and this a healthy relationship it is not." Lol!!!!

You can untwist your knickers. I'd been with DH 20+ years by the time we got a dog. I knew him. I knew he'd very much enjoy having a dog, once we had one (and once the children were no longer small). But I also knew he was one of those people who would never ever take the leap and agree to getting one without a bit of a push.

And I was right.
By the way, he says it was one of the best things we ever did.

I’m with you @heartsonacake

I do agree with the chorus, that you should only bring a dog into a home where everyone wants one. That said, I find it incredibly sad personally when people who grew up in homes without animals completely miss out on the bond you can build, particularly with a dog or cat. So many children grow up fearful of dogs, simply because they have no experience of them.

DS is 16 months and has been around our two large dogs since he was newborn. They love him to pieces and he's just recently starting to show a real interest in them, which is lovely to see. He's also being taught from a young age how to be around dogs and interact with them respectfully. I don't see it as anything other than a positive thing.

Crazy to get a dog.

Your DS may be off to University in 3 years time leaving you with 12 years of dog walking.

One other thing. After we got the dog we did make sure to go along with a few (annoying) rules DH insisted on - this made it easier for DH to adjust. Only fair. So eg the dog is not allowed in our bedroom.

My OH would love a dog- no way that is happening.

He is out the house from 7am until 7pm 5 days a week. I work from home, so although the dog would rarely be alone I would be left with the shit, mess and walks.

My DH and DC wanted a dog, researched the breed , he had a friend who bred them and discussed with him. I made my view clear that I had no interest in a dog, I had finally got the kids to school and had no interest in starting again. I was assured they would all pull there weight. Ended up with a puppy who whined all night, arguments started from
The off as my DH wanted the pup in bed and I refused. He didn't follow puppy training and thought he new best. Dog wasn't that friendly, humped everyone who entered the house, humped the kids, would nip the kids, so they stopped playing with it and my OH became lazy. Surprise surprise I took over the management of the dog, he had allergies, required weekly baths, daily tablets and special diet. Oh and close friends stopped inviting us for weekends as they didnt want A dog in the house. Can't go out for the day as the dog can't be left, We were restricted to dog friendly places when travelling, it's costly using kennels so no I wouldn't advocate having a dog if one person in the house doesn't want one. It's selfish and inconsiderate and a dog has a big impact. As much as I love my dog I will never get another ever.

sunflowersandtulips50

You should have stuck to your guns.

@4Smalls conversely I’ve been with my DH 25 years when I coerced him into getting a pup, against his better judgement. He wasn’t really onboard at all but I nagged and nagged and he gave in to make me happy I guess and I, like you, thought he would change his mind once he had one. I was so wrong. He disliked the dog, he was resentful of how it had changed our lives. We couldn’t go out for day trips anymore, we were really tied. Much of our extended family didn’t like dogs that much/friends weren’t happy about us bringing it along to their houses.we stopped visiting people as much. It massively impacted on him. We argued loads. All about the dog. Cost a fortune every time we went on holiday so we cut our holidays down or just went on U.K. holidays, I didn’t mind so much but again annoyed my husband. Felt like I’d made him have another baby as that’s very much what having a puppy is like and it did drive a wedge through us for a while. Things eventually changed but he’s never really ‘bonded’ with the dog, just accepts it is there. I love my dog dearly but would never have another as it’s not fair in him. Not everyone ‘comes round’ to the idea.

And another thing! DC and I did all puppy classes, all training etc. We also did all walks, all nocturnal waking (in the early days), all poop collecting - everything. DH didn't have to do any of this dross (the dog wasn't his idea!). Only fair. Now he does pitch in, but only because he likes to! Often, we walk the dog as a family - fun!

Kittenlicker You're right, of course. There were many extenuating factors that made dog ownership easier for us. We got a small dog, we have family support so it hasn't affected our hols, etc etc. (Our dog has actually travelled internationally with us - but that's another story.) I did all the "hard work" (which I didn't mind) so dog genuinely had only a positive impact in our household, never negative. And DH had expressed an interest in getting a dog, just would never take the step do actually do it.

You can untwist your knickers

Don't know why you've directed this at me, mine aren't twisted.

StompythedinosaurAnd I just couldn’t imagine being with a partner who was so selfish they’d repeatedly nag me into changing our entire life.

Having a dog might make you happy but at the expense of your partner, who the dog would make miserable. How could you think that was ever okay?

I think you are maybe reading your own situation in what I said - I can assure you that my dp isn't made unhappy by my pets any more than I'm made unhappy by his tech buying impulses. He wouldn't have them if I wasn't here, bit that doesn't mean he hates them.

I think the pp has it right that this is the sort of incompatibility that gets worked out before a relationship gets serious. I wouldn't enjoy being in a relationship where my partner tried to stop me doing things I wanted to do. And I have no desire to stop him doing the things he wants to do either.

I don't see why having a dog present in the house would make someone miserable (unless they had a phobia perhaps). The person who wants the pet gets to do the rubbish bits like walking, cleaning and feeding.

As a child free person it’s quite amusing to read the responses from people who don’t want pets - because it’s socially acceptable to say such things about getting a dog. I’m not saying their feelings are not valid, just that perhaps the people who are anti-dog May soften a bit if they realise they sound as harsh & uncompromising as someone who wishes to not have children in the home & voices that !

If you want a dog, YOU should be allowed to have a dog. It will be your dog and your partner does not need to take any responsibility for it.

Make advance arrangements for the dog (to be adopted by friend or whatever) in case something happens to you.

People also smell and shed hair so that's not a valid excuse for banning dogs from the home.

I'm with @AfterSchoolWorry. I hate dogs, my OH knows that, if he got one anyway that would be our relationship over.

My 'd'h didn't want a dog while me and the kids did. I dumped him in February and we bought a puppy in March. Massive improvement!!!

My DH would have liked a dog, but because I would never ever have one, he didn't push the issue. I knew (and so did he) that I would end up doing 90% of the work, walking, cleaning up etc and I am not even a dog person. I am a cat person, as it happens; but I didn't insist on one, or even suggest we get one, and had DH said he didn't want a cat, then we would have gone without a pet at all. Because that's how adults who like and respect each other and want to get along behave.

As it happens, he just wanted some animals about and was happy to get cats instead, and we're all very happy now (and he wanted them so much he does the litter trays!). But I would never have pestered him, nor him me. And neither of us would EVER have got a pet because a DC had begged for it, especially one who is very likely going to be out the door to university in a few years without a backward glance.

I see all these apparently amusing posts saying 'I wanted pet X, but DH didn't want one, so we compromised and got six of them'. Ha ha ha. I wouldn't risk making someone I love uncomfortable or unhappy in their own home and (unless you're planning to divorce them anyway) I'm surprised that so many people are willing to do this.

@AuroraBore are you serious? ‘People also smell and shed hair’ No person that I know sheds hair as much as a dog, we are not all covered in it, nor in general are we allergic to each other. 😂 Or indeed do we smell as much as a dog...unless of course you have some serious issues? . Mumsnet never fails to deliver absolutely bonkers posts.

@vikingwife you can not equate deciding to get a dog with deciding to have a child! Plus there are very valid reasons for people not to like dogs, they can be vicious. They can be scary. They can be anxious and reactive and hard work. You can have a dog phobia. You might have had a difficult experience with one as a child that puts you off. You might be allergic. You might not like the smell and the mess. You might not want to pick up their shit day in, day out. I have a dog but can totally get why people would not want one. I would also hope that folks deciding to have children would discuss that thoroughly before making a commitment with one another not just decide (as people have on here with their dogs) to have one on a whim and then assume the other partner ‘will used to it’.

I don't see why having a dog present in the house would make someone miserable (unless they had a phobia perhaps). The person who wants the pet gets to do the rubbish bits like walking, cleaning and feeding.

Erm, because they make the house stink. Because your decor and furniture choices are influenced by the dog. Because they are expensive. Because your car choices are influenced by the dog. Because your days out are limited by the dog. Because holidays are limited by the dog. Because you will find friends no longer want to visits you, and because friends will no longer want you to visit them.

A dog dictates the whole way a family love their lives, and for someone who doesn’t really , really love dogs then the negatives far outweigh the positives.

They really smell and dog owners generally smell of dog. People who have dogs just become nose blind to it the same way as a smoker does.

I have the same situation. My son and I want a dog, but my husband is against it.