You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

I think they are very much a family who do things with the best intentions but are very much into the latest 'trend' and looking good.
They homeschooled for a while because they totally believed in it etc but have now given up and put them in school.
They are vegans, then not vegans every other week.
They are just very scatty and very much into looking like the perfect family so they go from one thing to another. They constantly post videos with titles such as 'we are having another baby' to get hits when actually they are just talking about it.
I think they adopted Huxley with the best intentions and to be the 'perfect' family but clearly the reality was just too hard and they couldn't keep up pretences.
There is only about 2/3months between adopted son and bio son too so I'm not sure that was the best idea either.

They needed to consider all of their children. The Stauffers did not do this. They failed their son and rejected him. That's the bottom line.
Who suffers? The children. All of them will have loads of issues (even their newborn will inevitably grow up hearing about the sibling who disappeared from their lives). What a shit show. You don't just erase a child from your family. They duct-taped the kid's thumbs to make him stop sucking them! What dicks. That's how they parent?

To be honest if people 'follow' these nonentities, 'influencers' and even give them money for some spurious cause they deserve all they get, or in this case, don't get.

All of it being played out on SM is the other bad part. How much did the superficiality of the platform come in to play with raising money and adopting a child.

I don’t know who she is and won’t look but it sounds as if she has a high following.

The family could have kept the child’s privacy.

If she was struggling so much then why did she go on to have another baby?

He's a child not a puppy. And a puppy is for life not just for Christmas too. Shameful, honestly. If I was them I would have taken my social media down

I certainly wouldn't be posting about my marvellous perfect family! Just to sell products and gain likes

Let’s hope that the only benefit of this pandemic is the end of all these pointless people. I tend to agree the poor child might be a hoax to extract cash off people.

I never understand why anyone pays any attention to these idiots

It’s bad enough that people have another baby to keep the content going (bet it happens) but raising money and adopting for it is whole other level.

@leckford

Let’s hope that the only benefit of this pandemic is the end of all these pointless people. I tend to agree the poor child might be a hoax to extract cash off people.

I never understand why anyone pays any attention to these idiots

The child was definitely not a hoax. He lived with them for almost 3 years.

@SimonJT not to derail, but during our decade long IVF struggle we were told numerous times ‘why not just adopt’, you see it all the time like the adoption process = an eBay purchase.

This couple seemed to have adopted for fame and fortune and further ruined a child’s life in the process.

I think the whole thing is very sad. I have a few friends who have adopted children, some with SN and it is a huge challenge. Unfortunately a lot of adoptions do break down and it seems like it was in the child's best interest to be moved to a more suitable home.

The only thing I really find shocking is that this is all being played out in public.

I'm sure the family is getting plenty of abuse, death threats and the works on social media too. It's just an awful situation. I won't judge them and certainly won't be joining in the online abuse.

I understand that in foster care a placement might not be right for you but to adopt from overseas and then "re home" the child.. that must be traumatising. My heart breaks when I hear of animals being re homed let alone a child. If he had of been her biological child would she have just given up on him?

However, I am pleased that the child now seems to be with a family that can better meet his needs

I'm not sure I would take her word for it on that one, she clearly has no integrity. I really hope he isnt in a childrens home somewhere.

These 'influencers' are nothing more than attention seeking fakes who just dont want to get a real job. It is all smoke and mirrors, they sell lies and the best thing to do would be to unfollow them all.

Never heard of her but that is disgusting. Hope the poor kid is much better off now.

Whatever you think of her, some of the language on here is despicable. There are children in residential settings because that is the best place. The shame of language means the are not reported. They do not exist. I have a DD who needed 20 stitches in her arm from a bite from her brother. I could not even go with her to A & E. she can not be in the same room as him and I can’t leave him. Emotive terms, judgements made with no consequences of language. This means families suffer in shame, and yes mainly women because relationships are usually early casualties.

@SimonJT, great post from a fellow adopter here (twice over, 11 years in and my eldest DD has very complex needs as a direct result of her birth). I think there needs to be greater transparency about the reality of life in adoptive families.

I do understand the outrage here but I sincerely hope it doesn’t prevent adoptive families who are really struggling seeking help or coming to terms with needing to parent at a distance. The truth is that some children have been so traumatised by their pre-birth and birth experiences (and their time in care) that they simply can’t function in a family.

As others have said it doesn’t sound like her situation was properly reviewed when she adopted him. Caring for a child with very specific needs is very difficult and she already had a large family etc. I’m curious as to how much due diligence was done to ensure this was the best family and home for the child. I know you can’t foresee every eventuality and it’s very sad that this happened.

Also playing it all out for social media and vlogs/ad revenue also leaves me cold, but that’s another issue entirely.

Surely not UK with our stringent adoption procedures. Total fiction?

Agree you don't "rehome" children.

I know nothing of the actual case other than what OP wrote.

But there are many cases where families have to make the heartbreaking decision to have children placed in care or attend residential school because their needs are so complex and their behaviours place other families members at risk.

@soruff

Surely not UK with our stringent adoption procedures. Total fiction?

The family live in America, it's sadly not a fictional story at all.

I think it's sick. A lot of the language use, ie. regime rehome etc is quite animalistic and de-humanises the poor child.
You can't take adopt a child from another country and expect to get a perfect child. They are going to come with problems, and not least did they not respect his heritage and give him a western name. But, when any of us has a child, naturally or otherwise, you do not know what you're going to get. You can't just say, this is defective I'll send it back!!! It's a child that you have taken on as your own, you should treat them with the love and care they deserve.
This has made me so angry 😡

It is all so unethical is the word I think I want to use, adopting babies and earning money from adoption and keeping "followers " hooked is just not right they should be ashamed of the whole sorry affair that poor child.

This is a sad situation but not a particularly uncommon one. Losds of adoptions break down. Sometimes people cannot care for their children biological or not.

An internet pile on is not going to help this - or make other people facing difficult decisions feel any better about it.