You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

@SimonJT great post

The video is really badly edited and could she "like "squeeze out anymore" like" tears they have obviously put the boy into care or he is in the process of re adoption what a ridiculous couple and yes they should be feeling some guilt

‘A home for Maisie’ is a good documentary, it follows a little girl who already has two failed adoptions and ten foster homes It also shows that despite certain therapies having a good success rate there just isn’t the funding for them, so the options are the prospective adoptive family pay or return Maisie.

I've actually followed this family from prior to them adopting Huxley and I have a very different view to what many here express. I Have seen two people who adopted a child with far more complex needs than they had been told. I have seen them take him to therapy Ive seen her speak about how she had not prepared for him rejecting her. I have seen her speak about how his relationship with his siblings was forming (some good some so bad they could not be left alone together)

I know from watching other adopting videos from the states that despite the adoption happening as they receive the child they still have yearly check ups to see how things are going. It is my guess from how they worded that post it was their social services who felt that Huxley was not in the right environment and would be better of elsewhere. They state several times they had not been in a situation where they could talk about what was happening. Again this suggests outside involvement, she speaks of how he is with his new forever mummy who is better able to support his complex needs.

When I have seen other videos where she was upset this was very similar to how they both behaved on the video to speak of this. I do believe they are genuine people who wanted to do the best they could but was in a situation that was harder than they were able to handle.

We simply do not know what happened We do not even know if this was done as something they wished. I will say I feel Huxley would be better suited to a home with less children and less chaos.

Read about this today. I don't know the family, never heard of her until today.

A lot of people have failed that child. That woman and her family as well as the authority who agreed this adoption in the first place.

I read that they looked to adopt a child with special needs but asked for advice on special needs that have the perception of being hard to manage but are actually easy. They wanted to create the image of being martyrs without actually having to put themselves out.

@TinySleepThief China specifically only allows children with additional needs to be adopted outside of China because otherwise they remain in residential facilities. Some areas of China still have dying rooms in childrens homes.

What a horror show! Never heard of this woman. Very curious to look her up but like a pp said I do not want to give her more views.

If she knew she was adopting a child with additional needs then she should have put measures in place to ensure she could support that child. Having four young (?) DC and adopting such a child was a recipe for disaster anyway.

Epitomises all that is wrong with social media and American consumer culture. Vile. Poor child.

The whole thing is horrific. I can understand that adoptions don’t always work out but there are surely proper channels you can go through. For her to talk about ‘rehoming’ like that and to continue to post about her family and just pretend he never existed, it sounds like he was simply disposable and never a part of the family at all. Poor child, he’s going to have some terrible issues to deal with.

Those articles are terrifying, advertising children online and handing them over to virtual strangers, it beggars belief. Heartbreaking

Someone said up thread mustn't judge ! Well I am judging away, like mad, this woman re homed a child, dear god its unbelievable!!! Really? was he not instagrammable enough for you hun??
This is someone who has money, she can get all sorts of help for this child and help for her, How does she think families without all these resources cope ?
I've never got the whole influencer thing anyway, most of them I really don't see the appeal and this confirms why her absolute falseness and narcissism is blatantly showing , to me he didn't fit into her so called perfect lifestyle, I really hope she loses all her "followers" asap.

Unfortunately this seems to be not uncommon with international adoptions and my impression is that it's a particular issue in the US. Russia banned adoptions to the US in 2013, for example.

There are, I think, a lot of well meaning but totally unprepared prospective parents who adopt kids from other countries who discover that the extent of their additional needs is far more than they were prepared for or can cope with.

The US, to my knowledge, doesn't always have a completely stringent vetting system on prospective adoptive parents and they may not have the wider healthcare and social support systems in place to cope and these parents quickly find themselves in over their heads with nowhere to turn.

It's an absolute tragedy for the child, who is failed on so many levels but I'm not convinced that these adoptive parents are outright monsters. I think they're just naïve and unprepared and perhaps even mislead by these adoption agencies where a lot of money is changing hands. They get in over their heads and there are less failsafes in the system to stop this from happening.

I don't know the particulars of this case. I strongly disagree with anyone putting their kids on a monetised YouTube channel regardless of circumstances but as far as the adoption breakdown goes, my impression is that this, as a general situation, is really tragically not uncommon.

I'm an old woman so I don't really get this social media influencer business but, let's hope she's managed to "influence" a lot of people, not to follow in her footsteps.

Hate this. I try to stay away from judging but before you adopt (whether it be child or animal) you think about ALL the pros and cons and you think about how you will deal with each one!

I live abroad in a developing country. DH and I have spoken about adopting a child here for 4 years, we always talk about everything that can go wrong and whether we can deal with each thing...

This just isn't something you take lightly

What this women and man have done (let’s not forget there were 2 adults responsible for this) is bloody awful- they have made money from this child (let’s face it adopting a child with SN is extra special brave and stunning) and now they’ve realised that they can’t cope they have disappeared him (wonder if they sent him off with a trust fund with some of the money HE made them?!)

But there needs to be more honesty around adoption and raising non biological children, it is different to raising biological children, and there is no shame in that, it doesn’t make a family lesser, we need to start accepting and embracing diversity in family set ups, we aren’t all the same and we don’t need to be.

"Rehome him"! She's an atrocious Thundercunt.

So many adoptions breakdown - I think it's almost half.

And a much higher percentage in the States as the checks are not as rigorous.

otherwise they remain in residential facilities

I'm not actually sure that would have been worse than being taken to a new country, setting in and bonding with siblings and then being sent to a new family all within a few short years. He's only 4 now and has already had so muxh upheaval.

I thinking her wording of "re homing" the child is disgusting! You do not re home a child. The poor child must be so confused with everything.

I had never heard of her until today and hope that I never will again. Disgusting human being.

The fact that Huxley seems to have been rehomed a while ago, yet they continued to post other content, without showing any sign of upset or anguish over the situation speaks volumes. They don't appear to have taken time out to process the situation, or a break from videoing their kids to help them come to terms with the events and process a huge change in their lives.

“ Mind you I also wonder how anyone allowed a child with those complex needs to be adopted by a large family. They were always going to have issues and need way more attention than could ever be available.”
I’m not sure why you think this. Lots of children with disabilities live in larger families and thrive.

Ok so the wording is shocking, but are people really unaware that a lot of adoptions break down because the complex needs of the child aren't able to be adequately met in their adoptive home?

@Spinakker Maybe she underestimated how hard it would be to raise a child with autism.

Then she shouldn't have done it. Love how autistic children are so disposable.

@quizacabusi81 he doesn't have "non verbal autism". He is autistic and non verbal. Language matters.

Sometimes adoptions fail. Sometimes children live away from there parents because of the level of their needs, particularly as they get older.
It does sound like this adoption should not have happened in the first place.