You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

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Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

Apparently he left the family a couple of months back but she's still been posting "perfect family" videos since with her other kids. It's really awful! You have to worry about her biological kids too really. I mean how can anyone with normal emotions and empathy carry on as 'normal' under those circumstances.

I’ve never ever heard “rehomed” being used in relation to a child. that’s quite disgusting.

Poor kids. They fact she uses the phrase "forever home" makes it sound like it was never in her plans to actually keep and love him. :(

Sadly agree he must have just been for views, people can be vile.

Hope he has found a new family who will give him what he deserves. And I hope the fellow siblings don't go to sleep worried every night that they may not be there in the morning.

The whole thing is a bloody mess, from the fact that they were allowed to adopt a child with complex needs into a family with 4 children already to the way this awful couple have “rehomed” the child and used it all to get more exposure
However, I am pleased that the child now seems to be with a family that can better meet his needs

That is beyond fucked up.

I think it’s heartbreaking. That poor little boy and also, the other children won’t understand either.

It sounds as though they hoped people would forget about him and they wouldn’t need to explain.

I know nothing about this couple but, it's a very sad world that we live in if "buying" children is encouraged.
The people who donated money to this woman should bear some of the responsibility too IMHO.
Donating to her just encourages this sort of amoral behaviour.

I appreciate that adoptions break down for all sorts of reasons and it is very sad as 99% of adoptive parents enter into it with the best of intentions
However most adoptive parents don’t plaster it all over social media and make money out of it. And in the sad event that they can’t continue they certainly wouldn’t refer to it as having their child re-homed. She strikes me as completely heartless but then most narcissists are.

I've just read an interview with her, where she states that Chinese adoption laws only allow US couples to adopt children with special needs!

I find it hard to believe that they adopted him with the intent to give him up in a few years and that it was all for publicity. They've clearly struggled which is understandable and they have 4 other biological children to deal with.

China seem to have some bizarre laws concerning adoption, why am I not surprised?

Quite a lot of adoptive placements break down. In the UK we have a lot of guidance to prevent this, obviously in different countries the regulations vary. But any social worker who approved this should be ashamed of themself. Any adoptive child comes with a degree of trauma and needs attachment work (although the USA's policy if allowing adoption of infants probably reduces this compared to Britain). A non verbal child old enough to be labelled as having behaviour problems is going to need loads of trauma informed parenting, loads of time addressing their needs - not being part of family that gets its income from how they perform as a family in the public eye. I'm not shocked that the family thought this was an ok idea, I'm shocked that a social worker agreed with them!

When I read the article it sounded as if she was doing the whole adoption as a way of generating hits to her site. She was posting loads about how to adopt etc - its all just so wrong. I also don't like the crocodile tears videos now its well known what they do.

I am glad the poor child is now with a family that aren't using him for "likes"

The casual American attitude to adoption, and especially international adoption, causes a lot of problems. Parents think they are going to be saviours of children with very complex needs and make it all better but discover it is not that easy.

Did the family have another child after Huxley was born or did they already have a baby?

Just out of interest, how much did they raise via gofund me to buy this baby?

I don’t think this is that unusual. Many adoptions break down. The distasteful thing about all of it is how public it was, how she tried to hide the reality and whitewash it out of her history.

To be honest though I find the followers of this people as much to blame as the people themselves.

"Rehomed" him? He's a child, not a dog. What exactly does "rehomed" mean in this context? Did she just hand him over to some other family with authorities being involved?

'rehomed'? It is not a frigging dog but a child?

She and her husband sound abhorrent - the boy is probably better off with the new family.

I have a child with complex needs and ASD, I understand it is not easy but you don't just dispose of your child in that way? I have no words.

Her language is disgusting but I would ask that people are careful with their language. There are many parents who have broke while looking after a child with severe difficulties (please do not use the word additional). I am at the point of referral to residential for my child, my biological child it’s not a decision taken lightly.

I hope the fellow siblings don't go to sleep worried every night that they may not be there in the morning.

Exactly, can you imagine how daunting that would be for a small child. They will need some severe therapy to understand why he was sent away and of course they are going to worry the same might happen to them or their other siblings.

I also feel poor Huxley is going to struggle to understand why hes been abandoned and no longer has his siblings. Its beyond cruel!

A surprising amount of UK adoptions fail (from BBC article between 3.2% and 9%). The language is emotive but they are not the first and certainly will not be the last family which have failed to meet their adopted child's needs.

Loads of adoptions fail because the DC is too damaged to live with parents and siblings rather than carers and therapists.

SS everywhere won't disclose a lot of difficulties, so the DP only find out afterwards, and then don't support the DP or the DC.

Rehoming is a tactless choice of word, but a suitable therapeutic care environment is what this DC deserves.

I don't think the main issue here is the money, the main issue is that this woman was allowed to adopt a child whose needs she could not meet and then 'rehome' him like a fucking unwanted pet.

I read the adoption boards here sometimes, so many stories by people going through so much to become parents, meeting expectations and demands that astonish me, continuing to overcome barrier after barrier, jump through hoops I hadn't even imagined existed. And this person was allowed to treat a child like an accessory.

I don't believe her intentions were good at all, and whilst it is on balance better for the child to be with someone other than this inadequate little twat, he should never have been given to her in the first place.

She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

And this is why we have strict regulations about adoption. Noone should bring an older child with complex needs and abandonment issues into a house where there is a small baby competing for attention. It will be impossible to meet his needs and quite likely unsafe for the baby.

The laws and regulations around adoption are very lax in the US - there's no way here a family with a three children including a baby would be allowed to adopt a toddler with special needs.
And then I believe they went on to have at least one more baby after adopting
There seems to be next to no checks on adoptive parents there as they were clearly entirely incapable of thinking about the child's needs.

There is also a thriving black market in "rehoming" adopted children there.
That child probably hasn't even seen a social worker - the parents will have just "rehomed" him to a family they met on a rehoming facebook group.

I’m absolutely disgusted, would they do this to their biological children... I don’t think so. They are vile. How can you after three years of loving and nurturing this child just throw him out like rubbish. No one said it’s a walk in the park but gather that strength into nurturing him to become as independent as possible and live a happy life. They have the funds and the time to help improve his life but decided he didn’t fit with their look at me vain lifestyle. Influencer my arse this is not what to do as good parents.