You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

We have to remember the adoption process in the USA is a lot less rigorous- it’s common for people to be allowed to adopt 10+ children including with multiple additional needs, which no couple would really be able to cope with properly. A symptom of that is the fact that parents are allowed to make entire YouTube channels about their adoptive kids despite obvious risks of child protection etc. - I don’t know a single adoptive family in the UK that would openly show their adopted children’s faces or make it obvious they were adopted on YouTube or other social media. I believe social workers explicitly advise not to do this, whereas the US system obviously doesn’t care as there are lots of social media stars that make their public platform all about adoption.

We also have to remember that a LOT of adoptions break down and it’s awful for the adoptive parents too - I think a previous poster mentioned it’s 1/5 in the UK, and a lot of those children don’t have diagnosed additional needs beyond the obvious trauma of being in the care system.

Having said that, it’s appalling she made so much money from this child. I hope he’s at least gone to an new adoptive family and not just into the care system.

Clearly this adoption should never have happened however, I think it is far better to have him placed quickly at a young age with a carer more suited to his specific needs, than to plod on in order to try and save face. I cannot imagine it was easy and I (giving the benefit of the doubt) assume she is a decent person who would likely feel some shame and regret over the situation.

She bit off more than she could chew.

But on the other hand I truly detest celebrity or influencer worship of any kind. So more fool the people who donated.

They took that child from his country, made a fortune from him by posting all about their ‘adoption journey’, shared details of his medical conditions with the world, and then quietly got rid of him like he was an unwanted pet

And now pleads for privacy as to why they won't talk about it, when all they did was parade him to the world on SM!

The only country on Earth not to ratify the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.

One of the worst things I have ever read.

Wow this is just disgusting. I don't even know who she is, nor do I want to now and I hope she looses all her followers and has to get a proper job. Surely you'd do research and check you were able to care for a child with needs like this if you were going to adopt. And mocking him?

I'm fucking livid just thinking about it.

Loses*

I’ve never heard of this family but there’s an awful lot of people spouting an awful lot of shite about adoption on this thread.

(Though adoption in America is very different from here. ‘Rehoming’ isn’t unusual. Neither are huge adoptive families, often created by adopting fairly old kids. You’ll probably have read about some of those through the lens of a heartwarming story in a Sunday supplement. Reading them through an adopters eyes though is shocking.)

Just looked up and as I suspected, he is a particularly physically attractive child which no doubt suited her agenda perfectly.

@soruff

Surely not UK with our stringent adoption procedures. Total fiction?

They’re not particularly stringent, I failed my medical and I lived in a houseshare, but I was still able to adopt my son.

She’s a disgrace. That poor little boy.

Haven't RTFT, but is there a chance this was all just a money making scam? She could've 'borrowed' a child from a friend or someone she knows, in order to make her videos and rinse well-meaning people for money. The 'adoption' may well be a complete fabrication. Apologies if anyone else has had similar thoughts upthread!

Loads of virtual signalling posters who totally ignore the experience on the thread of the people who have direct experience of this and are trying patiently to explain that it is sometimes not as simple as love is enough and that these children can be horribly damaged by previous experience and so a home environment and love cannot undo all that.

There are so many youtuber/influencers out there raising money from their subscribers only for the money once raised never to be heard about again. That is only one issue another one is sadly so many of them exploit their children.

But as long as they can froth, judge and indicate that they’d never do this then the main discussion point can be ignored in a flurry of worlds best mummy posts.

@BeelzebubGoesToBenidorm

Haven't RTFT, but is there a chance this was all just a money making scam? She could've 'borrowed' a child from a friend or someone she knows, in order to make her videos and rinse well-meaning people for money. The 'adoption' may well be a complete fabrication. Apologies if anyone else has had similar thoughts upthread!

Absolutely not a scam or fabrication. They adopted him about 3 years ago, and have now in their words rehomed him

Would they have 'rehomed' their own child with special needs? No. This is sick.

"Surely you'd do research and check you were able to care for a child with needs like this if you were going to adopt."

Thinking you can and then being able to do it are different things. New needs can become apparent or develop as time goes on.

Adoptions do break down. The language isn’t good however (I assume the person said it).

It’s the exploitative money side, and lack of privacy around a child who most needs it, that I’d like to see stop.

Mind you I also wonder how anyone allowed a child with those complex needs to be adopted by a large family. They were always going to have issues and need way more attention than could ever be available

Not sure I agree with this. Some parents can meet the needs of multiple children, some would struggle to. Some parents can meet the needs of children with additional needs, some very much struggle to. The right people and environment is more important to this child than simply numbers in a household.

it is sometimes not as simple as love is enough and that these children can be horribly damaged by previous experience and so a home environment and love cannot undo all that.

So why didnt they say all this? Instead thwy basically try and erase him out of their lives and pretending everything was ok. By the sounds of it they only made the video after people began questioning where he was.

People are not judging them for the adoption breaking down. They are rightly judging them because they continued posting videos about their family pretending nothing had happened and then when questioned released a video full of crocodile tears and said he had been rehomed.

@ErickBroch sadly many parents of children with severe special needs do have to give them up. They should not be shamed and are not "sick" for doing so.

The 'rehomed' phrasing is awful, however when I read this post I thought you meant shed adopted him weeks or months ago but looking into it I see shes had him 3 or 4 years. It's difficult, she phrased it totally wrong. However, I have a friend with a younger sister with sever disabilities and they did make the decision when she was in her early 20s to move her to live full time in care. Their family life was incredibly difficult for a long time and after she went they agreed this was something they should have done years ago

vile couple, I hope she loses all her sponsors, hit her in the pocket, fucking influencers. That poor little boy.

This is wrong on too many levels.
DD is adopted and has some challenging behaviour - caused by the adoption. Moving the child on will screw them up so much, even if it is a better place than being with that monster.
Also cannot imagine doing that to my birth son. He would be devestated and as people have said very scared that it could happen to him.
The SS in America are awful. The adoption process is a joke. In the UK there are rules such as you must have stopped TTC for 6 months before starting the process, e on Contraceptions etc. Can only adopt a child 2 years younger than any birth child and a gruelling home study to decide if you can meet the childs needs. People complain but it is to protect the children.You don't pay for a child which is basically what you do in America.
This also happens alot in America where because the adoptions are not properly thought out, children are moved on by families on a black market which leads to some awful abuse.
Poor children.