You tube influencer "rehomes" adopted son

[quizacabusi81]

Myka Stauffer a popular YouTube and Instagram influencer raised considerable funds to adopt a child from China, the child a boy she called Huxley had brain damage, non verbal autism and behavioural difficulties. Myka has 4 biological children and adopted 4 year Huxley 18 months ago.

After quite some time of not posting anything about him and after repeated questions from her "followers" she recently uploaded a video where in her words she's "rehomed him" and he was with people much more able and suited to deal with his complex needs.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption and the secrecy regarding this at one point one of her followers noticed that she had put a video up of her repainting his room and turning it into her daughters room with no mention of him.

Apparently it was like she wanted people to forgot she has ever adopted him and people are furious.

I can see both sides as it must have been a complex and difficult decision especially if they couldn't meet his needs. She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

Also there are allegations of her using duct tape on his hands and I have seen a video of her mocking him because of his meltdowns so hopefully he is now with people more suited to his needs.

Thoughts?

Rehomed? FFS what a bitch she is. I have two animals here who I have been thinking for a while about rehoming and have probably thought more seriously about the decision than she is.

Unsure why she even wanted to adopt a child with complex needs when she already had three biological children and then went onto have another after the adoption. Attention? I just can’t wrap my head around even wanting to put yourself in that position in the first place.

It's very common for adoptions to break down. Happens more often than not. It's just that most people are unaware of that.

Sounds like a sad situation all around. But if the adoption wasn't working, better to move the child to a family who were better equipped to care for him. Lots of adoptions fail even when the child has no extra needs.

Possible the social workers involved would have recommended not putting it all on social media. But I don't know the person so she could just be a horrid person. But playing devils advocate, lots of lovely people adopt children and end up not being able to look after them. It happens. A lot.

Ok, I'm a bit 'out there' with my opinion on this, but I'd much rather see parents, guardians etc admitting they can't cope and being able to make changes (so, relinquishing the child) without quite so much harsh judgement.
Look at the news story of the mother who pushed her autistic son into a river, killing him. If we lived in a world where parents could 'give up' on children they can't cope with, would that boy have died?

The child is no doubt in a much better situation now. Why should a child suffer so a parent can be seen to be 'never quitting' on their duty?

@Supersimkin2

What they said.

If the boy's needs are greater than they were told or have become apparent since adoption then it is not unheard of for the adoptive parents not to be able to cope and I'm sure it was a heartbreaking decision.

Supposedly the new family are in a better position to meet the child's needs. I hope that's true.

Very, very poor choice of words but I wonder if it was to convey that he's gone to a family home rather than into the 'system'.

She had to consider her other children... one a small baby but on the other hand she wasn't very transparent about it...

so if your disabled child has issues with impact on your other DC, it is ok to get rid? Imagine if every family with children with SN would take that route. Would you shift a disabled child if it would make life harder for your other DC? and where to?

A high proportion of adoptions break time when the child doesn’t have additional needs beyond issues directly caused by being in care. The proportion of adoptions that fail when the child has additional needs is so high that some places (UK included) prefer foster care over adoption as it proves to be more successful for the child and the foster carer compared to adoption.

Around one in five adoptions are disrupted in the UK, some before an AO is completed, some after. Around half of all adopted parents suffer violence from their adopted child/ren on a regular basis. Around 32% of adoptive parents are being treated for adoption depression.

You can read every book, go on every course, meet hundreds of adoptive parents. But unless you’re the one being bitten, kicked, spat at everyday, or the one who has a house with wee and poo stained flooring in every room, plaster peeled off the walls, curtains continually ripped down, daily violence then you really have no idea.

I got lucky, my son is doing really well, he has a good attachment to me, but he still wees on his bedroom floor most nights, bites his hands until they are bruised and bleeding, eats out of bins at school. He is by far the least damaged of all the children at the adoption group I used to attend by quite a long way. I remember one mum coming to group with a broken nose and eye socket as her daughter had attacked her during a meltdown, her daughter was five, just imagine the damage when she gets bigger.

Rehoming adoptees is a thing in the US: www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/11/children-who-have-second-adoptions/575902/

A friend of mine and her husband are trying to adopt a child ( they have 1 dc already) and the rigorous procedure she described surely is designed to make sure the child is a good ' fit' for the family. And so it should be. This is very sad.

That poor poor wee boy 😟.

Taken from a loving foster home in his home country, moved to the other side of the world (and given a hideous new name in the process) and exploited all over social media as nothing more than a trendy accessory to this pair of greedy, vacuous fucking cunts who only wanted to make money under the pretence of being grand humanitarians.

And now he's served his purpose and has been discarded like an unwanted Christmas puppy.

Myka Stauffer and her husband are absolute scum.

@ QuentinQuarantino well said.

Ive just read a mirror article on this. Shes a disgusting person for doing this to that poor little boy "rehome" him really? 🤬

I have to agree with a previous poster they do not appear to be upset in the video it very much looks like crocodile tears.

Seriously?! This is one of the most disgusting and sad things I've read. Poor boy.

Same as PP, I wonder if she's ever Rehome her bio children!

Disturbing investigation into "informal" child-rehoming in the US:
www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

@SimonJT you make some good points. Can't imagine being in those shoes, so mustn't judge.

I watched their video it was all about them, he clearly didnt fit into their mould. Its highly unlike he will be reapodtoped and now fall into the system.

It’s absolutely horrific. They took that child from his country, made a fortune from him by posting all about their ‘adoption journey’, shared details of his medical conditions with the world, and then quietly got rid of him like he was an unwanted pet when the money they were getting from exploiting him no longer made up for the care they were required to give him.

They are despicable, and every video where they made money from that child should be removed.

@TinySleepThief

I have to agree with a previous poster they do not appear to be upset in the video it very much looks like crocodile tears.

Agreed. It also comes across as though they only made the video because they could no longer hide that the child no longer lived there.

MMN123 those were my thoughts

I can't get angry at anyone who can't cope with their child - adopted or otherwise - and who has to give them up.

I will never be on board with the idea that if a mother can't cope she's a despicable bitch.

If she's exploited the child purely for financial gain, then obviously she is.

I hope that some good comes out of this and the adoption process is really tightened up
Children aren't commodities that can be traded
Truely awful and heartbreaking

Heartbreaking. The poor wee boy. I can only hope that he now has a family that will love and care for him and not use him as a money spinner.
I’ve not heard of Myka Stauffer before this post. This woman is an absolute disgrace.I hope people turn away from her in disgust and that her income disappears. It’s a shame she can’t be banned from social media platforms.

It all sounds absolutely awful but this baffles me, why do people give money for this. It’s ridiculous.

The main issue people have is the money she raised for his adoption

The rest sounds terrible, the duct tape part? All very off.

They took that child from his country, made a fortune from him by posting all about their ‘adoption journey’, shared details of his medical conditions with the world, and then quietly got rid of him like he was an unwanted pet

I think thats why it seem so barbaric. Whilst adoptions obviously sometimes fail and thats sad for all involved they literally dragged him half way around the world paraded him about like some new toy and then quietly sent him away. In doing all this they probably added significantly to the issues he already had, if they had left him in China he'd probably be a lot less 'difficult'.