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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘SIL’ didn’t get me a birthday card?

344 replies

jennywithaj · 27/05/2020 18:45

I say SIL but it’s my brothers long term girlfriend.

I always buy her Christmas / birthday presents and cards but she never does back and all I ever get is a thanks over social media or a happy birthday over social media. This year was a special birthday for me and again she didn’t even get me so much as card and it’s really upset me. I’m not interested in gifts neither do I expect them but as I’ve done for her it would have been nice to have received even just a birthday card.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 27/05/2020 20:28

I would have expected your brother to put her name in his card and have given a present from both of them. I think thats the norm when you are part of a couple and she may have presumed he included her in his card and gift.

Did your brother give you a gift and card??
If he didn't its really him you need to be upset with but if he did he should have added GF name.

saraclara · 27/05/2020 20:29

Adding to the chorus. They're a couple. I'd expect one card, with brother adding her name to his.
Seriously, you sound about six years old.

Original poster
jennywithaj · 27/05/2020 20:30

Obviously my brother brought me a card a present! Her name wasn’t on them.

I find it rude! It not a big deal and I obviously wouldn’t bring it up but I do think it’s disrespectful if someone goes out of their way to acknowledge your birthday / christmas and you don’t do the same. Maybe I was just brought up differently.

I won’t be buying anything in future.
I send cards and presents to my husbands sisters and they do same for me and they live in another country!

OP posts:
LilyMarshall · 27/05/2020 20:32

Your brother was rude. Why was her name not on his card? Your brother is wrong.

MissMooMoo · 27/05/2020 20:32

Did you not get a card or gift from your brother? She probably assumes he signed your name in it too! Why would they do separate things?

@mnthrowaway20202 I hope your immediate family made an effort to celebrate your birthday Flowers
I have a December birthday so sadly most people either forget or are too busy for any sort of celebration every year.

LillianBland · 27/05/2020 20:33

Your brother was rude. Why was her name not on his card? Your brother is wrong.

This! How bloody rude of him.

NoHardSell · 27/05/2020 20:33

That's so weird. So you buy two presents for them, one from you and one from your partner? And they then should buy you two presents, one from your brother and one from his partner? So confused. Who does that?

fishonabicycle · 27/05/2020 20:33

Your brother should have got her to sign his card to you! Couples generally give joint cards/presents. You are being rather silly.

Whenwillthisbeover · 27/05/2020 20:34

Yes your brother was a twat. I buy son and his GF a card and present, I send it from me and DH, I get a joint present from DS and his GF. That’s the way it works in a couple right?

CeibaTree · 27/05/2020 20:34

It's a bit weird your brother didn't send it from both of them. I've never heard of a couple being expected to send separate cards and presents - maybe take this up with your brother? It may be that she assumed (like any normal person would) that a joint present and card was being sent.

G5000 · 27/05/2020 20:35

I send cards and presents to my husbands sisters and they do same for me

Just curious, do their husbands send your husband cards and presents too?

Original poster
jennywithaj · 27/05/2020 20:37

I always buy something separately for people as then it’s a personal gift from me, I like being thoughtful. As I said I was obviously just brought up differently.

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 27/05/2020 20:38

I think your brother was more at fault for not including her name in the card and gift.
I always send joint cards and gifts from me and DH ,we dont send separate cards and gifts to the same person.
I do get that it is upsetting to make an effort to remember someone's birthday, send a card, buy a thoughtful gift and then its not reciprocated but I think this is probably more of a misunderstanding, as if it's a serious relationship generally gifts are given as a couple.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/05/2020 20:38

You're being weird. If your brother had had the thought to put her name in the card would you still be posting this or would that be ok? Surely it's normal to give presents/cards as a couple, especially as you say they're long term

Walnutwhipster · 27/05/2020 20:38

It's more weird that your brother doesn't add her name if they're serious enough that you refer to her as your SIL. I don't know a single SIL who sends a separate card from her husband. Are you looking for a reason to be upset with her?

QueenOfCatan · 27/05/2020 20:39

Your brother is the rude one here, his family so he sorts gifts and cards. We don't do gifts and cards in my family, bloody glad too, basically sending the same fiver back and forth each year.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/05/2020 20:39

I always buy something separately for people as then it’s a personal gift from me, I like being thoughtful. As I said I was obviously just brought up differently

Do you and your husband buy his sister's separate presents?? Like, one from you and one from him? That's bonkers 😂

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 27/05/2020 20:40

Surely your brother gets you a card or present? I honestly can not be bothered with this shite when people get wound up when they don't get a card. You don't need a card. It's a waste of money and paper! Grow up ffs!

KatherineJaneway · 27/05/2020 20:40

YABU.

Pinkblueberry · 27/05/2020 20:42

All the presents and cards I send/my DH sends are from both me and him. Your brother is weird by giving you a present just from him and you sound like a bit of a cf for expecting extra presents from brothers’ partners.
I don’t know if your parents are together, but if they are - do you get separate presents and cards from them? Would you expect separate cards and presents from a married set of grandparents or aunts/uncles?
You’re expectations are odd imo.

I think it’s also bad form to give gifts in the high and entitled expectation of getting one in return.

Thisbastardcomputer · 27/05/2020 20:42

When it's her birthday, buy yourself something nice and stop bothering with her.

damnthatanxiety · 27/05/2020 20:42

jennywithaj i would find it rude that my choice to not send cards was considered rude and that I was expected to be bullied into following someone else's rule by them because they thought SILs should send cards. Grow up. If you want to send a card, knock yourself out. Enough people on here have told you that it is not standard to do so. Getting annoyed and calling people rude because they won't let you manipulate them into following your life rules is just juvenile and petty. Some of us don't want resources wasted on tat. Some of us could even consider people who relentlessly buy tat for all and sundry 'rude' and inconsiderate to the planet. Just a thought Petal.

Purplelion · 27/05/2020 20:43

If you should be annoyed at anyone it’s your brother. I’ve never heard of couples giving separate cards and presents to people.
I’ve been with my OH for 4 years and from early on any cards have been signed from both of us.

KatharinaRosalie · 27/05/2020 20:44

You and your DH always give 2 separate presents to everybody?

Original poster
jennywithaj · 27/05/2020 20:45

**Do you and your husband buy his sister's separate presents?? Like, one from you and one from him? That's bonkers 😂

Yes we do and he does the same for my family. My brother buys for him and he buys for my brother I honestly just thought that was normal. My family and his and clearly just aliens 🙃

OP posts: