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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘SIL’ didn’t get me a birthday card?

344 replies

jennywithaj · 27/05/2020 18:45

I say SIL but it’s my brothers long term girlfriend.

I always buy her Christmas / birthday presents and cards but she never does back and all I ever get is a thanks over social media or a happy birthday over social media. This year was a special birthday for me and again she didn’t even get me so much as card and it’s really upset me. I’m not interested in gifts neither do I expect them but as I’ve done for her it would have been nice to have received even just a birthday card.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 27/05/2020 19:14

Don't they just send a card as a couple or no card at all like normal people?

It's not a vagina task.

SomeBunnyovertheRainbow · 27/05/2020 19:14

Did your brother get you a card OP?

LellyMcKelly · 27/05/2020 19:14

I’d find it really weird if my brother in law bought me a present.

WoollyMollyMonkey · 27/05/2020 19:16

YANBU - I’d be hurt too. In fact I have a ‘two strikes and you’re out’ policy now. If I don’t get a card two years running they’re off my list. I suggest you do that too!

HoneysuckIejasmine · 27/05/2020 19:16

Erm, didn't your brother send one? I deal with my family, by husband deals with his. I'm not his secretary.

jetsetter87 · 27/05/2020 19:16

My SIL and BIL forgot my 30th birthday... it was a couple of months ago but before lockdown...im still friends with them...just Grin

TorkTorkBam · 27/05/2020 19:17

You are being odd. Normal would be for your brother to send you a card that she also signs. Did he leave her off his card? If so, I guess doesn't really see her as being genuinely long term.

Nottherealslimshady · 27/05/2020 19:18

You're being ridiculous. Your brother should be putting her name on his card.

SpilltheTea · 27/05/2020 19:20

I add my partners name to cards and gifts and he does the same. Just stop doing it. I think it's really nice of you to do though, but she obviously doesn't want to reciprocate.

MadisonAvenue · 27/05/2020 19:20

I don’t get a card from my sister in law and her family, and her brother and I have been together for 35 years. Saying that, she doesn’t send my husband one or our sons, her nephews, either. Like a mug I always sent birthday cards to her and her family but I’ve stopped that in recent years.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 27/05/2020 19:21

I've just sent my sister a birthday card. It's from both DH and me. He deals with cards for his side of the family and does the same. I imagine she thinks your brother does exactly that?

Iloveacurry · 27/05/2020 19:22

Did your brother get you a card from him and his girlfriend?

Also does your brother and his girlfriend get your partner, if you have one, a birthday card and present? If not, why do you bother with her then.

Selfsettling3 · 27/05/2020 19:24

@AnnaMagnani I love that phrase ‘not a vagina task’ I will be stealing it.

Toilenstripes · 27/05/2020 19:24

Oh please! 😂

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2020 19:25

Well when someone gets me a card or present I do feel obligated to get them something back, but aside from that it would never occur to me to buy a present for my BILs gf tbh. I'd say "happy birthday" when I saw her but that's about it. I'm an immediate family only kind of person. I think people are just very different about that sort of thing, if I were you I'd just stop buying for her, it's highly unlikely she would be offended.

Chewbecca · 27/05/2020 19:28

Can’t say unless you tell us what your brother did & whether that ca4d was signed from both of them.

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/05/2020 19:29

Its because she hates you.

Daisy12Maisie · 27/05/2020 19:30

Yabu I find it annoying when people buy me cards or presents.
I work so I can spend money on my children. Other than that I buy for my mum, my best friend and my goddaughter. That's it.
I dont agree with cards due to the environment and I am very much an "experiences not things person" so it would stress me out if someone like a brother in law/ sister in law kept buying me things.
She doesnt want to for whatever reason so I think the polite thing to do is leave it and stop buying her things!

Cosmos45 · 27/05/2020 19:32

@IHaveBrilloHair - i'm crying!

tara66 · 27/05/2020 19:32

People just do not send cards so much these days.

MeninSuits · 27/05/2020 19:33

Do they usually send separate cards?

Cyllie33 · 27/05/2020 19:33

Surely the card from your brother is signed from both of them??

DarklyDreamingDexter · 27/05/2020 19:33

YABU. Don’t bother buying her any cards in future if, it concerns you. I doubt she’d even notice, like most people over the age of 10.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 27/05/2020 19:34

I would expect something from the both and give from me and my partner.
Alternatively just get her a card in future and lower your expectations.
Plus you are unreasonable to complain about only having thanks on social media. Most people communicate that way and at least you got thanks. My sil and niece dont day thank you in any respect, face to face, social media or anything

Nancydrawn · 27/05/2020 19:34

Is it your brother's wife or your husband's sister?

I mean, either way, I think that a card isn't necessary, but if the former I'd expect something from your brother, as would most of the posters.