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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘SIL’ didn’t get me a birthday card?

344 replies

jennywithaj · 27/05/2020 18:45

I say SIL but it’s my brothers long term girlfriend.

I always buy her Christmas / birthday presents and cards but she never does back and all I ever get is a thanks over social media or a happy birthday over social media. This year was a special birthday for me and again she didn’t even get me so much as card and it’s really upset me. I’m not interested in gifts neither do I expect them but as I’ve done for her it would have been nice to have received even just a birthday card.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
AriadnesFilament · 27/05/2020 18:56

So you were expecting a card from your brother AND from her?

Frlrlrubert · 27/05/2020 18:57

I would buy gifts/cards for my brother's partner. I would expect any gift in return to be from both of them. We give DH's sister gifts from both of us (which he is in charge of), I get birthday gifts from her (joint with her DH).

Do you get a girl from your brother?

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 27/05/2020 18:57

Reverse?

Frlrlrubert · 27/05/2020 18:58

*gift

Fairenuff · 27/05/2020 18:58

OP please tell me you are giving your brother a penis get out clause.

GreyishDays · 27/05/2020 18:58

I would expect a card from my brother, and for him to write her name in it.

Fairenuff · 27/05/2020 18:58

*are NOT giving him rather

2bazookas · 27/05/2020 19:00

Say nothing, just stop giving her xmas and bday presents and cards.

Alb1 · 27/05/2020 19:02

It’s weird that her and your brother don’t just give you a joint card and present. But YABU, it’s a piece of card, it’s not more special than a social media happy birthday message, it just happened to come first in the world. If it annoys you just stop sending her cards too

ddl1 · 27/05/2020 19:03

Did your brother get you a card? If so, it's a bit odd that she didn't also sign it, but I wouldn't expect her to get you a separate card, no. Is this your only complaint about her? If it is, I honestly think that it's quite trivial (not everyone puts a high value on birthdays - personally, I can't bear to have mine acknowledged; and nowadays, many people send all greetings by e-mail or social media, and never buy cards), especially at a time when many people are very preoccupied. If she generally doesn't treat you as a family member, that's unfortunate, but I don't think you can force her to do so.

PolkaDotsPolka · 27/05/2020 19:03

Did your brother send you a card? If so, why didn't he or both names on it? If not, your issue is with your brother not his girlfriend!

Pinkblueberry · 27/05/2020 19:04

My BILs have never gotten me anything and I’ve been with DH for over 10 years. Suppose I should be livid... or is it just a sister thing? Didn’t your brother get you something which was technically from them both?

FourPlasticRings · 27/05/2020 19:04

Just stop sending her stuff.

Sally872 · 27/05/2020 19:04

Would expect a joint gift from brother and girlfriend really.

Also I dont care much for cards so rarely send them and havent done any birthdays during lockdown, I am planning to give gifts when we can meet up though and cards with gifts.

FanSaBhaile · 27/05/2020 19:05

Why do you keep buying her Christmas and birthday presents?

Realistica11y · 27/05/2020 19:05

I think you’re desperately short of something to be disappointed about.

Not everyone wants or likes to send greetings cards. In fact, many consider them to be a very outdated tradition whereby someone feels compelled to decorate their house with cardboard clutter of all shapes and sizes until the last of the equally as customary Milk Tray has been taken after when they drop them in the bin.

To be pi**ed off because somebody didn’t buy you a birthday card ?

You’re going have to be a little more resilient than that in a few years when you go to high-school.

Choice4567 · 27/05/2020 19:05

Don’t understand why this is a girlfriend issue and not a brother issue?

Ughmaybenot · 27/05/2020 19:06

Surely the present and card from your brother are also from his girlfriend?

gamerchick · 27/05/2020 19:06

What did your brother get you?

Christ I don't even get my siblings anything. I don't even know when their partners birthdays are.

DelurkingAJ · 27/05/2020 19:07

Most adults I know don’t make a big thing of adult birthdays. I’ve just had a ‘milestone’ birthday and got cards from DSis, DM, DPIL and two friends. Neither DBIL even realised and I wouldn’t expect them to...they’re generous to DSs and that’s all I’d hope for. Equally DH doesn’t get or send them cards for their birthdays (they usually manage a text). I wouldn’t even know my DSIL’s birthday (lovely though she is we see them about four times a year).

gobbynorthernbird · 27/05/2020 19:08

That's really grabby of you to expect 2 presents and 2 cards from a couple.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 27/05/2020 19:09

I've never gotten a seperate card and present for my SIL just like my brother doesn't get seperate from dh. Cards and presents are joint from us. Except from dh youngest sister his siblings do the same. SIL3 is only 15 and cards from her for dh and I and even our children are piggybacked from pil.

I thought this was normal?

walkingchuckydoll · 27/05/2020 19:11

You're your brothers family so he should sort out the presents and card. It's not your SILs job just because she has a vagina.

Alexsay · 27/05/2020 19:14

Some people just don't do cards and presents. If you're bothered, just stop sending them to her and you can manage your expectations better. Give less, expect less then anything more is a bonus.

ZoeCM · 27/05/2020 19:14

Why would a couple give someone one present and one card each?