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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘SIL’ didn’t get me a birthday card?

344 replies

jennywithaj · 27/05/2020 18:45

I say SIL but it’s my brothers long term girlfriend.

I always buy her Christmas / birthday presents and cards but she never does back and all I ever get is a thanks over social media or a happy birthday over social media. This year was a special birthday for me and again she didn’t even get me so much as card and it’s really upset me. I’m not interested in gifts neither do I expect them but as I’ve done for her it would have been nice to have received even just a birthday card.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Nancydrawn · 27/05/2020 19:35

Sorry--that serves me right for reading too quickly.

It's the latter. I wouldn't expect anything separate from her.

Nancydrawn · 27/05/2020 19:35

The former, not the latter!

Ugh, I quit multitasking.

manitobajane · 27/05/2020 19:37

Maybe next year she'll get you a card for your 5th birthday.

MamaGee09 · 27/05/2020 19:37

I only ever give a card to one sis in law, she makes an effort for us , none of the rest do so I don’t send a card to them, they get a text or Facebook message to wish them happy birthday.

Used to send to everyone but they never made an effort so I stopped bothering.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2020 19:38

I’m also a bit confused. Does your brother give you a card, and if so why doesn’t he put her name on it? That’s just odd.

But if he didn’t, it’s odd that you’re complaining about her and not him.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2020 19:40

Is it your brother's wife or your husband's sister?

It’s right there in the very first line.,

Standupthisisnotateaparty · 27/05/2020 19:44

My DH sorts out the cards for his brothers and I for my DB. The cards are from both of us.
If DBIL didn’t get a card this would be on DH.

I don’t see why you have issue with your brothers girlfriend.

ProseccoBubbleFantasies · 27/05/2020 19:48

I do hate the race-to-the-bottom, competitive misery attitude MN has regarding birthdays.

Anyone on here expressing any form of anticipated pleasure before or disappointment afterwards is rounded on.
As has been written upthread

OP said it was a significant birthday and that she didn't expect a present, and has been described as grabby.

However, I do agree with most PPs. She should have expected one card organized by her brother.
I just dont agree with the tone that many posters have used to express this.

sunflowersandtulips50 · 27/05/2020 19:49

Sounds like OP brother didnt get her a card and she is blaming his girlfriend, as apart from that i find it odd that you would expect something from both of them. Does your BF/DH get her a separate card from you too?

CodenameVillanelle · 27/05/2020 19:50

Did your brother not get you one?

heartsonacake · 27/05/2020 19:52

A) She’s not your SIL

B) Did your brother get you a card or present? If so, that’s from her too. If not, have a word with your brother and be annoyed at him, not her.

SunshineCake · 27/05/2020 19:53

I used to buy my BIL's DH birthday presents. Only stopped when they divorced.

BrimfulOfBaba · 27/05/2020 20:02

Not everyone thinks a card is something you're supposed to give.

Cherrysoup · 27/05/2020 20:04

Did your brother get you card? Why do you expect one from her too? Weird. Just stop getting her anything if she never reciprocates.

sexbearhouse · 27/05/2020 20:09

Agree with PP - if you got a card from DBro then what's the problem? Do they live together?

If not, she is his GF as you say, not SIL.

Either way YABU.

If your brother didn't bother then why is it all down to his girlfriend?

PanamaPattie · 27/05/2020 20:14

Another OP that drops and runs? Tedious.

Mnthrowaway20202 · 27/05/2020 20:16

I think it’s different during lockdown.

I had an April lockdown birthday. Some loved ones posted me gifts or left presents/cards/food on my doorstep and waved hello through the window or drove over and beeped. Others didn’t even text. Can’t say I’m bothered about that because I realise that everyone is dealing with their own stresses so my expectations were low.

Letseatgrandma · 27/05/2020 20:16

Are you going to answer the question? Did your brother get you a card?

Ellisandra · 27/05/2020 20:18

@PanamaPattie I suspect more: drops, realises everyone thinks they’re a precious dick, and runs Grin Either the brother did a card - so his wife is covered - or brother doesn’t either and OP realised she’ll get torn a new one for expecting wifework from SIL not brother Grin

Chillipeanuts · 27/05/2020 20:18

Expect she thought he’d signed the card. So not worth being niggled about, especially so right now.

I’d be impressed to get a card at all. I got folded paper with messages. Which were very nice.

Purpleartichoke · 27/05/2020 20:21

The card should Come from your brother Or from your brother and sil together. Expecting a separate card from sil is just silly.

Viviennemary · 27/05/2020 20:21

Are you six. How feeble. Don't get her a card or present if that's the way you feel.

LannieDuck · 27/05/2020 20:23

Presumably the card/present from your brother (I'm assuming he got you something?) was given from both of them?

KatharinaRosalie · 27/05/2020 20:24

Do your husband's BILs send him cards and presents?

TheTrollFairy · 27/05/2020 20:25

I assume you got from your brother which is why this post isn’t mentioning about getting nothing from him? Therefore I would assume the gift/card is from them both.
Assuming you have a DP, do you both buy separate gifts for your brother?