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Original poster

What relationship do you have with your cousins?

202 replies

potentiallyoutting · 27/05/2020 16:01

I feel very neutral towards my cousins - don’t want no harm to come to them but I don’t feel the family bond.

My mum was the youngest of four and the only girl. Two lots of cousins were raised away from the family - one because their dad died young and they moved back to their mums area - essentially zero contact until recently (they’re in their 30s) and the other set were raised by their mum as their parents separated (never saw them until recently - they sometimes popped to my grandparents once a year but we never had any form of a bond apart from the occasional ‘hi’).

A couple of the cousins have hurt me and to be honest we’re all such different people with different values.

I’ve been asked quite a few favours off a few (money/do errands/use my house as storage/babysitting/get information about other people) and I just feel like I wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw them again - I’d be more inclined to lend money to a friend than someone that I just share a bit of blood and grandparents with.

Anyone else feel a bit ‘meh’(we all live in the same area so it’s hard to avoid them and maybe just include them on the Christmas card list).

I get invited to christenings/weddings/BBQ and I feel like I need a decent excuse not just ‘I don’t want to be your friend pretend I don’t exist’.

Is there end in sight - anyone palmed them off enough that it’s just pleasantries if you bump into them?

OP posts:
nowaitaminute · 27/05/2020 20:30

They are my best friends, I love them all dearly!! There's 6 of us girl cousins who are extremely close...we are very lucky!!

Bollism · 27/05/2020 20:31

non existent

nowaitaminute · 27/05/2020 20:35

I forgot to add I have 30 cousins altogether and I am close to them all... I could talk to all of them for hours and we see each other a lot normally.

JacobReesMogadishu · 27/05/2020 20:36

Nothing.

Haven’t seen any of them in one side since I was a kid. Haven’t seen the other one since a grandparents funeral 15 years ago.

ThatDreamSheep · 27/05/2020 20:37

No real relationship at all. See each other at weddings and parties and that's about it. I have newly 20 cousins on one side but no real bonds other than Facebook with any of them.
Me and my hubby actually discussed this a little while ago - we are talking about moving to Australia and he said it would be a shame for our kids to not grow up with his siblings kids (all live in the same town currently) but we surmised that we actually aren't that close to our cousins now.

Toothsil · 27/05/2020 20:37

Not much of a relationship with one, he's the same age as me lives in another country now and I've not heard from him for over 20 years. The other lives about an hour away from us and we stay in touch by text now and again and he came to our wedding. We used to live in the same city a few years ago and sometimes had dinner together. DD has such a different relationship with her cousins, they're more like siblings and I'm so glad of that.

ladykuga · 27/05/2020 20:52

On my dads side we're really close. Don't see them often but when we all get together it's like we all saw each other yesterday and we all have a great laugh. We're all in touch on FB. Love them all. On my mothers side not so much as the majority of them are a lot younger. My youngest brother is more closer to cousins on mums side of the family.

LockdownLucie · 27/05/2020 20:53

No, no relationship really as like you I was the oldest on both sides.

I have been in touch with 3 of them a little bit on FB messenger in the last couple of years due to our parents all being ill.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 27/05/2020 20:56

I have 11 cousins. I see approx 3 to 5 of them once a year at an annual family event organised by that side of the family.

I see the others from the other side of the family at funerals mainly.

My husband doesn't honestly know the names and ages of all his cousins. There's probably some he hasn't seen since childhood.

fullofgoodintentions · 27/05/2020 20:56

I've got some who I like but who live the other side of the world, so we only keep in contact online.

I've got others who I live within a few miles of that I only see at funerals. We exchange pleasantries but that's about it.

Devlesko · 27/05/2020 21:02

I have 40 first cousins, some of them are other family members too.
We are very close Grin
A very strong family bond, as with siblings, we see each other all the time and live in the same community.
We are a very family orientated race.
Can you guess what I am yet? Grin
Many of us have joined family members for lockdown, (Pre) to help each other.

DeadButDelicious · 27/05/2020 21:03

None really. I have some of them on Facebook and they're nice enough people but I don't feel any kind of family bond with them. My dads family didn't have much to do with us growing up and my mum is an only child so the cousins I do have I didn't see.

Fucktacula · 27/05/2020 21:07

I have three cousins. I'm close to one of them, but this is a fairly recent development as he's moved here after leaving the forces.

My SIL has 31 first cousins and they're always falling out and making up. I just couldn't be bothered with that shit.

AlecOrAlonzo · 27/05/2020 21:08

I have 13 on one side and 3 on the other. The 3 I don't see because their mum decided to cut contact when we were wee. It makes me very sad. The 13 any of them would do anything for me. We're not "close" but we definitely have each other's backs.

tabernacles · 27/05/2020 21:10

I didn't grow up knowing my cousins. I have loads on my dad's side, but don't know any of them (other than a few as Facebook acquaintances).

Three on my mum's side I met a few times when I was growing up, but they were a lot older than us as their dad was 20 years older than my mum. I don't know my mum's sister's children as they didn't speak to each other for some reason (and never will now her sister's dead).

I deliberately moved near my sisters so my daughter would grow up knowing her cousins.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/05/2020 21:12

None at all with three of them, very close to one. She's an only child, both her parents are gone now, so we have become closer as I (and my brother) are the only family she has.

We used to spend summers together growing up, so we were always reasonable close.

snowybean · 27/05/2020 21:15

I have five cousins and a second cousin on side and two on the other.

I'm very close with the larger side; I see them several times a year, and one I even see almost every day. The two on the other side I haven't seen in years sadly but we chat quite a bit on Instagram.

Flowersinthewild · 27/05/2020 21:19

6 cousins have nothing to do with them, the six of them are all very close. They are horrible people, they all deserve each other.

troppibambini · 27/05/2020 21:21

One cousin, no relationship he's an arsehole.

ClementineTangerine · 27/05/2020 21:26

I'm not close to mine at all. I have one cousin close in age (dont see them unless I bump into them when visiting grandparents) and the rest are much younger as I'm the oldest child of the oldest sibling (my dad - he was in his 20s when I was born) and the younger siblings all had children in their later years, so whereas I'm now late 20s I have cousins who are still in nursery (and many more that are school age).

This may sound mean but I dont have a bond with any of them so I genuinely wouldnt feel anything either way if i didnt see them again. Which sounds harsh because no one has ever fell out it's just that the relationship isnt there.

BillywigSting · 27/05/2020 21:33

I'm friendly with all but one of them but not friends as such.

I have 8 cousins. 3 live in Australia and are wonderful young women, the four of us share very similar views (and tastes in clothing and music) and get on like a house on fire when we are together. I have no doubt we would be good friends if we weren't so geographically distant. Unfortunately, being on opposite sides of the planet makes a strong relationship a little bit tricky but we keep in touch over Facebook.

4 live in the same city as me and are perfectly pleasant but we have very little in common and they are quite a bit younger than me. Three men and one woman all siblings and very close to each other. We get along when we see each other and would help each other out in a bind (one of them is a mechanic and rescued dc's hamster from a car for us), but I do sometimes feel like a bit of an outsider if they're all together though I'm quite sure it's not intentional. I just don't get a lot of the sibling 'in joke' type stuff which is understandable. They're also quite close to a different set of cousins from their dad's side who are much more like them and closer in age (their mum is my aunt).

One lives in Ireland and I'm quite sad about our relationship. We are very similar in age, with similar in age dc, and we used to be very close as kids (spent all school holidays together). But she is so far down the tinfoil hat /anti vax rabbit hole and can be quite aggressive to those who don't agree with her.

Too much weed and Internet and not enough real world contact is I think is the cause. But she's caused quite a bit of hurt because of it over the last few years and is adamant that she is right. Will not listen to reason etc. She is no contact now with my aunt and refusing contact with dc over a disagreement about covid now. She is convinced that lockdown is a government/illuminati conspiracy and the virus is no worse than seasonal flu.

Lovely1a2b3c · 27/05/2020 21:34

I was very close to all of my cousins (4 maternal, 2 paternal) growing up. I'm still close (regular contact) to one of my Mum's sister's daughters and still like the others.

InTheShadowOfTheMushroomCloud · 27/05/2020 21:36

I have four male cousins, no female cousins. Two are much older than me, two are a bit younger.
I am not exactly close to three of my cousins but I know where they are. I am closer to my dads cousins kids and my mums cousins kids....tbh I know exactly where they all are tonight!

I have one cousin who I am close to ....I love him like a little brother and I also adore his wife and kids. And again I know where they are!

GatoFofo · 27/05/2020 21:37

None whatsoever. I have 3, one luves on the other side of the world, the other two may as well be on a different planet!

Bloops · 27/05/2020 21:37

Friends on Facebook. That's about it. Last time I saw them was at my nans funeral 3 years ago.

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